Transformational Thought
Computers and the World Wide Web provide phenomenal opportunities. Connecting with long lost friends, childhood bosom buddies, old teammates, family on the other side of the country or across the ocean, people from church and friends from mission trips is now incredibly fast, easy, and cheap. So many hearts have been warmed and so much relational, missional, and transformational good has resulted.
But like dynamite, computers and the web can be used for tremendous good or … tremendous evil. As a psychiatrist, whether in the ER, in my outpatient office, or running a rehab program, I frequently see and hear how the internet (email, chat rooms, Facebook, Classmates, texting, etc.) has contributed to hurtful communication. Cyberbullying, sexting, pornography, and especially infidelity have led to devastating destruction in relationships and families.
Inappropriate communication with the opposite sex via the internet happens so easily because of our fast pace. You see, most people have minimal time to calmly and deeply share with our partners on a daily basis. But internet communication gives us unparalleled confidence to speak freely to others because there is no real contact with the other person. We can experiment, re-create ourselves, mislead, and avoid dealing with the hard elements of real relationships.
Before you know it, you are writing things you should never write … with a false sense of privacy as you incorrectly assume that what you write will stay a secret between you and the receiver. You have probably heard the advice that you should not type anything, anywhere that you wouldn’t want published in your church bulletin … that you shouldn’t say anything to anyone of the opposite sex that you would not want your spouse to hear you say.
Unfortunately, even though internet affairs have exploded in number, other secret, old-fashioned inappropriate communication falls into the same danger zone. Real relationships are great, but they do take time and work. Taking shortcuts will not only cheat you out of the rewards of relationship, but will also lead to painful consequences.
Today, give some thought to your use of the internet and other perceived “secret” forms of communication you have with people, especially the opposite sex. Some are having communications with real people, and some with fantasy people or pornographic sites. Being secretive or sly is a warning bell that these writings or actions should stop. If you have been writing things you should not, then step back and say, “hold the press.” This isn’t just about writing, this is a real heart issue with a sure path to destruction for you and those around you. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Oh my personal God, I ask and pray that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit to strengthen me. Teach me, Father, to remain faithful and true to those I love. Let not the fear of being caught be the deterrent. Rather let it be the pain and suffering my indiscretions create for You, for my partner … and my own heart and brain. Above all, let it be the fear of separation from You, and my spiritual harm that direct me to the right path. I pray in the name of the one You sent to dwell in my heart, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children said - AMEN!
The Truth
I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love
Ephesians 3:16-17
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:2,5
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Stepping Stones: Relationship Prerequisites: Receptivity and Attentiveness
Transformational Thought
Yesterday, I was in a diner and noticed something that saddened me…it was something that I see more and more often these days. The man was reading the paper and enjoying some light conversation with the waitresses and the owner. A few minutes later the man’s wife came into the diner. Greetings were exchanged between her and the staff…and it was obvious they were regulars at the diner.
As the wife sat at the booth, across from her husband, I noticed that he didn’t look up from his paper to greet her…not even a hello or good morning. She kept glancing his way…but he never looked up. There was no receptivity or attentiveness on his part. I know I too, have been guilty of overlooking a loved one. How many times has this happened to you, where you’ve been either the ignorer or the ignored?
We love a number of people in life for many reasons, usually because we are related to them…by blood, marriage, kids, or Christ. But really loving them, whether romantically or platonically means developing real intimacy. Two key elements are key. The first is a willingness to open up and share our core, our everything, and be vulnerable with the other person. The second is attentiveness and receptivity to what the other person is communicating to us.
God desires to overwhelm those who are able to receive His gifts and blessings in full measure with an abundant life…those who truly yearn for and will actively pursue an intimate relationship with Him. Two traits that increase our intimacy with God are receptivity and attentiveness. Receptivity here is opening up our innermost being to be filled with God’s abundant riches. Attentiveness is directing our gaze toward Him; searching for Him in all our moments to receive His communication, instruction, and provision for us. God has done His part...opened Himself up to us through His word, sacrificed His son, and died for us. He is always attentive to our needs, thoughts, and feelings, as well as caring and providing for all our needs. Now it’s our turn.
Today, take time to reflect on the area of your life that you haven’t been receptive to God’s grace, love, forgiveness, or instruction. Why? Usually it’s because you are holding onto something too tightly. So what would you have to give up to let Him in for you to experience change? How would your life be different if you were attentive to all He has to give for that particular area of your life? Choose to focus on these two attributes; Receptivity and Attentiveness. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear Father God, You are truly a God who gives, and gives, and gives. When Your Son died on the cross, He held back nothing; He poured out His life like a drink offering. I know that giving is inherent in Your nature; so thank You, Father. I pray that You help me increase my receptivity and attentiveness…knowing that both increases my ability to receive You and have the intimate relationship with You that I desire. I pray in the name of my most attentive Savior, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.
Philippians 2:17
I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.
Mark 10:15
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3
Yesterday, I was in a diner and noticed something that saddened me…it was something that I see more and more often these days. The man was reading the paper and enjoying some light conversation with the waitresses and the owner. A few minutes later the man’s wife came into the diner. Greetings were exchanged between her and the staff…and it was obvious they were regulars at the diner.
As the wife sat at the booth, across from her husband, I noticed that he didn’t look up from his paper to greet her…not even a hello or good morning. She kept glancing his way…but he never looked up. There was no receptivity or attentiveness on his part. I know I too, have been guilty of overlooking a loved one. How many times has this happened to you, where you’ve been either the ignorer or the ignored?
We love a number of people in life for many reasons, usually because we are related to them…by blood, marriage, kids, or Christ. But really loving them, whether romantically or platonically means developing real intimacy. Two key elements are key. The first is a willingness to open up and share our core, our everything, and be vulnerable with the other person. The second is attentiveness and receptivity to what the other person is communicating to us.
God desires to overwhelm those who are able to receive His gifts and blessings in full measure with an abundant life…those who truly yearn for and will actively pursue an intimate relationship with Him. Two traits that increase our intimacy with God are receptivity and attentiveness. Receptivity here is opening up our innermost being to be filled with God’s abundant riches. Attentiveness is directing our gaze toward Him; searching for Him in all our moments to receive His communication, instruction, and provision for us. God has done His part...opened Himself up to us through His word, sacrificed His son, and died for us. He is always attentive to our needs, thoughts, and feelings, as well as caring and providing for all our needs. Now it’s our turn.
Today, take time to reflect on the area of your life that you haven’t been receptive to God’s grace, love, forgiveness, or instruction. Why? Usually it’s because you are holding onto something too tightly. So what would you have to give up to let Him in for you to experience change? How would your life be different if you were attentive to all He has to give for that particular area of your life? Choose to focus on these two attributes; Receptivity and Attentiveness. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear Father God, You are truly a God who gives, and gives, and gives. When Your Son died on the cross, He held back nothing; He poured out His life like a drink offering. I know that giving is inherent in Your nature; so thank You, Father. I pray that You help me increase my receptivity and attentiveness…knowing that both increases my ability to receive You and have the intimate relationship with You that I desire. I pray in the name of my most attentive Savior, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.
Philippians 2:17
I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.
Mark 10:15
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3
Monday, July 11, 2011
Stepping Stones: Shoulda…Woulda…Coulda!
Transformational Thought
Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to friends and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. The girls had a great time, and my wife was happy for them, so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”
Striving for perfection, solely by human effort, is a frustrating task. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving …
We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want and need them to do.
When our focus, or worse yet, our need, is human perfection, we will feel frustrated … and that frustration usually leads to guilt or resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourselves. This mind-set can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept … not a pretty picture.
You see, taking stock of our shortcomings is important and necessary, but we have to look at our goal and how are we going to use that data. If we are objective and use it to move forward, get better at life, and give hope to the future, then that’s great. If we are using the data to beat ourselves up, hold ourselves back, become fearful of trying again, and sucking hope from the future, well that’s the trap we often fall into. Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judge?
We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get everyone else in line ourselves … with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we ought to do. We should follow Him and work toward the Mind and Actions of Christ.
Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and are becoming an idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises that if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true, refreshing, and everlasting life.
Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect … by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the One I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.”
Matthew 16:24-25
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to friends and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. The girls had a great time, and my wife was happy for them, so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”
Striving for perfection, solely by human effort, is a frustrating task. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving …
We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want and need them to do.
When our focus, or worse yet, our need, is human perfection, we will feel frustrated … and that frustration usually leads to guilt or resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourselves. This mind-set can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept … not a pretty picture.
You see, taking stock of our shortcomings is important and necessary, but we have to look at our goal and how are we going to use that data. If we are objective and use it to move forward, get better at life, and give hope to the future, then that’s great. If we are using the data to beat ourselves up, hold ourselves back, become fearful of trying again, and sucking hope from the future, well that’s the trap we often fall into. Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judge?
We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get everyone else in line ourselves … with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we ought to do. We should follow Him and work toward the Mind and Actions of Christ.
Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and are becoming an idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises that if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true, refreshing, and everlasting life.
Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect … by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the One I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.”
Matthew 16:24-25
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Stepping Stones: Judging Others … Or Exposing Yourself?
Transformational Thought
We are all so quick to judge. And as judges, we can be impatient and hurtful, especially to those we love. We are called to be disciples and witnesses ... not lawyers and judges. So, as we understand our calling more fully, we will become more patient and understanding with others.
When we take the role of judge without the intent to love and grow the other person, we are really revealing our own failures. Who are we to judge others? Do we like being judged? When we are judging, being sarcastic, or making a critical comment, we get a glimpse into our own heart. This harsh attitude reveals some of our insecurities, hurts, baggage, and issues, that are still unresolved and affect the lenses we use to see life, others, and ultimately God.
When you have that urge to judge, critique, belittle, or exalt yourself above another, be quick to self-assess, instead of being quick to speak. Do some heart analysis and see what is at the center of your heart that causes your view of others, yourself, and God to orbit around it. The time you spend in self-assessment can be incredibly revealing and relieving.
During this time of heart diagnostics, be confident that God can take care of you while you are feeling uneasy ... whether it be anger, hurt, guilt, revenge, bitterness, anxiety, or sadness. Whatever the feeling that prompts you to judge, trust God to comfort you and give you power to prevent the emotion from ruling you. Then exercise that power, settle yourself, and examine with your mouth shut.
Today, be quick to listen and slow to speak ... and when you do speak, speak as a disciple of God, not as a judge. Let the judging happen in your own heart first, then disciple others next. Self-reflection will clear the smudge off your lenses and the truth will free you from carrying so much baggage. WITHIN REACH helps you do this. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Father in Heaven, I confess to You, my Lord, that I have become impatient with others ... especially those I love. And through my lack of patience and understanding, I become judgmental and angry ... saying things I wish I didn’t. Help me be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Help me to see others as You see them ... tired, lonely, fearful, and lost. Help me be a witness ... not a judge. Thank You that I can speak Your word and offer encouragement to those in need. Help me to be as patient toward others as You are with me. Help me to judge myself more accurately and be open to what the Holy Spirit is trying to show me about my own heart. Help me to recognize and honor Your Spirit today. I pray in the name of the one who was judged for me, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
I sat among them for seven days - overwhelmed. At the end of seven days the word of the Lord came to me.
Ezekiel 3:15-16
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
Galatians 5:22
Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.
1 Corinthians 11:28-32
We are all so quick to judge. And as judges, we can be impatient and hurtful, especially to those we love. We are called to be disciples and witnesses ... not lawyers and judges. So, as we understand our calling more fully, we will become more patient and understanding with others.
When we take the role of judge without the intent to love and grow the other person, we are really revealing our own failures. Who are we to judge others? Do we like being judged? When we are judging, being sarcastic, or making a critical comment, we get a glimpse into our own heart. This harsh attitude reveals some of our insecurities, hurts, baggage, and issues, that are still unresolved and affect the lenses we use to see life, others, and ultimately God.
When you have that urge to judge, critique, belittle, or exalt yourself above another, be quick to self-assess, instead of being quick to speak. Do some heart analysis and see what is at the center of your heart that causes your view of others, yourself, and God to orbit around it. The time you spend in self-assessment can be incredibly revealing and relieving.
During this time of heart diagnostics, be confident that God can take care of you while you are feeling uneasy ... whether it be anger, hurt, guilt, revenge, bitterness, anxiety, or sadness. Whatever the feeling that prompts you to judge, trust God to comfort you and give you power to prevent the emotion from ruling you. Then exercise that power, settle yourself, and examine with your mouth shut.
Today, be quick to listen and slow to speak ... and when you do speak, speak as a disciple of God, not as a judge. Let the judging happen in your own heart first, then disciple others next. Self-reflection will clear the smudge off your lenses and the truth will free you from carrying so much baggage. WITHIN REACH helps you do this. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Father in Heaven, I confess to You, my Lord, that I have become impatient with others ... especially those I love. And through my lack of patience and understanding, I become judgmental and angry ... saying things I wish I didn’t. Help me be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Help me to see others as You see them ... tired, lonely, fearful, and lost. Help me be a witness ... not a judge. Thank You that I can speak Your word and offer encouragement to those in need. Help me to be as patient toward others as You are with me. Help me to judge myself more accurately and be open to what the Holy Spirit is trying to show me about my own heart. Help me to recognize and honor Your Spirit today. I pray in the name of the one who was judged for me, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
I sat among them for seven days - overwhelmed. At the end of seven days the word of the Lord came to me.
Ezekiel 3:15-16
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
Galatians 5:22
Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.
1 Corinthians 11:28-32
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Stepping Stones: Go on a Fox Hunt!
Transformational Thought
The 1939 play “The Little Foxes” by Lillian Hellman was based on Scripture from Song of Solomon 2:15. The foundation of the message: many times it’s the collection of all the small missteps that get us in trouble. Some marriages with no major problems still get into trouble because of an accumulation of little things. The Bible refers to these issues as the little foxes that ruin the vineyard.
You see, we are usually much better at crisis intervention than we are at regular maintenance. We are good procrastinators, willing and able to ignore or table a small issue ‘til we can give it “more attention.” Work and effort are required to handle these little foxes, and we would rather invest that energy in enjoyable endeavors. Or, if we are tackling trouble areas, we’ll invest the energy in bigger issues that have been put off too long that now demand attention.
Make a commitment not to ignore the little foxes in your marriage: being thoughtless or preoccupied, forgetting anniversaries or birthdays, criticizing, taking your spouse for granted, not appreciating the little things they do. The little foxes might seem unimportant, but they can eventually knock a person, a marriage, and ultimately a whole family into the abyss of confusion, frustration, and despair, all starting from minor issues.
Are you letting any foxes loose in your marriage? Are you spending time with your spouse or has "busy-ness" taken over? Do you really listen to her or him talk? Do you persist in that little habit that irritates your spouse? With God's help, identify the little things before they become big things.
For you single people, all of the married people vowed never to let foxes into their vineyard. All would have boasted, “That will never happen to me.” But, as you see, we all fall prey to the insidious trickery of the sly foxes Satan uses to undermine what God has ordained and blessed. Safeguard your heart/mind … before you get married, then you will have a better chance in your marriage. Also, all these principles apply not just to marriage, but to every relationship we find ourselves in.
Today, go on a foxhunt to be sure pesky little patterns or habits aren't creeping up on you. And replace the destructive little foxes with acts of love and the willingness to put God at the center of the relationship. Address the issue head on. Plan a surprise dinner for two. Buy a sentimental gift. Join your spouse in one of his or her favorite activities … even if it's not your thing. These little acts of thoughtfulness can help a marriage move forward. Then authentic and difficult discussions can happen. Deeper relational fulfillment can be found. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear God, Forgive me for how I have acted towards one of the greatest gifts You have given me, my spouse. Marriage is so powerful, but also tricky and complex. Help me become more aware of the "little foxes" that I bring to the marriage … and help me focus on You and replace them with love. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!
Song of Solomon 2:15
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23
You see, we are usually much better at crisis intervention than we are at regular maintenance. We are good procrastinators, willing and able to ignore or table a small issue ‘til we can give it “more attention.” Work and effort are required to handle these little foxes, and we would rather invest that energy in enjoyable endeavors. Or, if we are tackling trouble areas, we’ll invest the energy in bigger issues that have been put off too long that now demand attention.
Make a commitment not to ignore the little foxes in your marriage: being thoughtless or preoccupied, forgetting anniversaries or birthdays, criticizing, taking your spouse for granted, not appreciating the little things they do. The little foxes might seem unimportant, but they can eventually knock a person, a marriage, and ultimately a whole family into the abyss of confusion, frustration, and despair, all starting from minor issues.
Are you letting any foxes loose in your marriage? Are you spending time with your spouse or has "busy-ness" taken over? Do you really listen to her or him talk? Do you persist in that little habit that irritates your spouse? With God's help, identify the little things before they become big things.
For you single people, all of the married people vowed never to let foxes into their vineyard. All would have boasted, “That will never happen to me.” But, as you see, we all fall prey to the insidious trickery of the sly foxes Satan uses to undermine what God has ordained and blessed. Safeguard your heart/mind … before you get married, then you will have a better chance in your marriage. Also, all these principles apply not just to marriage, but to every relationship we find ourselves in.
Today, go on a foxhunt to be sure pesky little patterns or habits aren't creeping up on you. And replace the destructive little foxes with acts of love and the willingness to put God at the center of the relationship. Address the issue head on. Plan a surprise dinner for two. Buy a sentimental gift. Join your spouse in one of his or her favorite activities … even if it's not your thing. These little acts of thoughtfulness can help a marriage move forward. Then authentic and difficult discussions can happen. Deeper relational fulfillment can be found. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear God, Forgive me for how I have acted towards one of the greatest gifts You have given me, my spouse. Marriage is so powerful, but also tricky and complex. Help me become more aware of the "little foxes" that I bring to the marriage … and help me focus on You and replace them with love. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!
Song of Solomon 2:15
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Stepping Stones: Why Are You In My Life?
Transformational Thought
Do you ever wonder about the people who come into your life? All kinds … the person at the store you talk to in line … an acquaintance from some social circle … a friend from school … family members you share many experiences with … a colleague at work. The number of people is amazing, even for someone who’s avoiding relationships.
Sometimes, if you are lucky … truly blessed … you have someone enter your life who will change it forever. A special person delivering God’s, mercy, grace, and unconditional love … right to the doorstep of your heart.
Well, I was one of those lucky people. 22 years ago, when I was stuck at some significant crossroads in many areas of my life, God showed up when I least expected it. Today is Fat Tuesday, and on Fat Tuesday of 1989, right in the middle of New Orleans, at a Mardi Gras party, I met and fell in love with the most beautiful person. Love at first sight!
She was, and is, incredibly beautiful on the outside. But the amazing part is who she is on the inside. When I was in such personal and spiritual need for God to show up, He showed up through my wife, Martine. Her unconditional love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and sacrifice have been so powerful to me … freeing me from my personal demons and allowing me to see God’s majesty in her and through her.
Since then, my engagement and growth with God has been unbelievable and He has transformed my life. I wish I could say I am the perfect husband … or even a good husband, but unfortunately, that is the area where I still need the most growth. So, thank you so much, God, and thank you, Martine, so much for what you have done for me. Happy Birthday as well!
Today, think about those God has put in YOUR life. Are you there to influence them? Then do it. Have they been a profound influence on you? Then thank God for them and thank them … a lot. Do something special for them ASAP. God does show up and speak to us, and often it’s in the form of circumstances and the other people in those circumstances.
Prayer
Oh God, Thank You so much for not giving up on me even though I strayed and tried life my own way. All the grace and protection You provided still astound and humble me. Then to bring me an incredible gift, my Martine, I am speechless. Please strengthen me and help me have the courage to resist my selfish desires and really love and serve her … for that will honor You, her, and me. I pray this and all prayers for the one who loved perfectly and fully, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
2 Corinthians 5:20
Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you."
John 20:21
And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.
Mark 16:15
Do you ever wonder about the people who come into your life? All kinds … the person at the store you talk to in line … an acquaintance from some social circle … a friend from school … family members you share many experiences with … a colleague at work. The number of people is amazing, even for someone who’s avoiding relationships.
Sometimes, if you are lucky … truly blessed … you have someone enter your life who will change it forever. A special person delivering God’s, mercy, grace, and unconditional love … right to the doorstep of your heart.
Well, I was one of those lucky people. 22 years ago, when I was stuck at some significant crossroads in many areas of my life, God showed up when I least expected it. Today is Fat Tuesday, and on Fat Tuesday of 1989, right in the middle of New Orleans, at a Mardi Gras party, I met and fell in love with the most beautiful person. Love at first sight!
She was, and is, incredibly beautiful on the outside. But the amazing part is who she is on the inside. When I was in such personal and spiritual need for God to show up, He showed up through my wife, Martine. Her unconditional love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and sacrifice have been so powerful to me … freeing me from my personal demons and allowing me to see God’s majesty in her and through her.
Since then, my engagement and growth with God has been unbelievable and He has transformed my life. I wish I could say I am the perfect husband … or even a good husband, but unfortunately, that is the area where I still need the most growth. So, thank you so much, God, and thank you, Martine, so much for what you have done for me. Happy Birthday as well!
Today, think about those God has put in YOUR life. Are you there to influence them? Then do it. Have they been a profound influence on you? Then thank God for them and thank them … a lot. Do something special for them ASAP. God does show up and speak to us, and often it’s in the form of circumstances and the other people in those circumstances.
Prayer
Oh God, Thank You so much for not giving up on me even though I strayed and tried life my own way. All the grace and protection You provided still astound and humble me. Then to bring me an incredible gift, my Martine, I am speechless. Please strengthen me and help me have the courage to resist my selfish desires and really love and serve her … for that will honor You, her, and me. I pray this and all prayers for the one who loved perfectly and fully, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
2 Corinthians 5:20
Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you."
John 20:21
And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.
Mark 16:15
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Stepping Stones: Divorce: Despair or Trust?
Transformational Thought
Divorce is the ultimate relationship wound and loss. When marriage problems end in separation and then divorce, the loss is deeply experienced not only by the couple, but also by the entire family. It even impacts friends and often the coworkers of that family. Divorce can leave the family in suspended animation and battles usually rage for many years after.
Recovering from divorce involves working through a grieving process, much like when a spouse has died. It also involves making choices. You might not have had a choice in getting a divorce, but you do have choices in your response. Will you hold on to bitterness and anger…or will you forgive? Will you give up and give in to despair…or will you trust Jesus to help you rebuild your life on Him and not on your marriage or your spouse? Will you walk in fear…or will you be courageous to face the future God has for you? Do you trust you, marriage, your ex-, or God?
Satan and your flesh, filled with insecurities and hurt, will try to influence your me-centered focus to give up, to feel like a failure, to feel no hope is possible, and that you’ve lost everything. You have to resist these lies and distortions. Remember, Satan is the Great Deceiver. He has no other character trait to relate to the truth.
Divorce can bring one of the most intense pains possible into a person's life. But you don't have to go through it alone. Jesus loves you and wants to help you. If you will commit your ways to Him, the Holy Spirit will guide you in making those choices…He will give you the courage you need…and He will restore your hope. With God, all things are possible.
Today, if you are thinking about divorce, STOP! This is not God’s plan, and therefore will be a nightmare for you and a lot of loss for many. If you are divorced, dive into the Bible and get to a church based Divorce Recovery group so you can process and heal using Biblical truths and lenses. If you are a child from divorced parents, really examine the lies that divorce embeds in your mind about you, your parents, and relationships. If you know people in these situations, be there to help them genuinely heal and see God and life more clearly, because Satan really uses divorce to suck the soul out of people and make them his puppets.
Prayer
Dear Father God, forgive me for the poor choices I have made in the past. I know divorce saddens You. My hurt and loss seem unbearable at times. Please help me access the strength, power, peace, and comfort You provide to overcome. I know that through You I will not just overcome, but even thrive as a result of learning through these experiences to put all my eggs in Your basket alone. Right now I have to make so many decisions. I need your help. Help me to choose the right path…the one that is right for my family and for me, and most of all the path that pleases You. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who shows us what step to take next, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
Psalm 25:12
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Matthew 19:6
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
Divorce is the ultimate relationship wound and loss. When marriage problems end in separation and then divorce, the loss is deeply experienced not only by the couple, but also by the entire family. It even impacts friends and often the coworkers of that family. Divorce can leave the family in suspended animation and battles usually rage for many years after.
Recovering from divorce involves working through a grieving process, much like when a spouse has died. It also involves making choices. You might not have had a choice in getting a divorce, but you do have choices in your response. Will you hold on to bitterness and anger…or will you forgive? Will you give up and give in to despair…or will you trust Jesus to help you rebuild your life on Him and not on your marriage or your spouse? Will you walk in fear…or will you be courageous to face the future God has for you? Do you trust you, marriage, your ex-, or God?
Satan and your flesh, filled with insecurities and hurt, will try to influence your me-centered focus to give up, to feel like a failure, to feel no hope is possible, and that you’ve lost everything. You have to resist these lies and distortions. Remember, Satan is the Great Deceiver. He has no other character trait to relate to the truth.
Divorce can bring one of the most intense pains possible into a person's life. But you don't have to go through it alone. Jesus loves you and wants to help you. If you will commit your ways to Him, the Holy Spirit will guide you in making those choices…He will give you the courage you need…and He will restore your hope. With God, all things are possible.
Today, if you are thinking about divorce, STOP! This is not God’s plan, and therefore will be a nightmare for you and a lot of loss for many. If you are divorced, dive into the Bible and get to a church based Divorce Recovery group so you can process and heal using Biblical truths and lenses. If you are a child from divorced parents, really examine the lies that divorce embeds in your mind about you, your parents, and relationships. If you know people in these situations, be there to help them genuinely heal and see God and life more clearly, because Satan really uses divorce to suck the soul out of people and make them his puppets.
Prayer
Dear Father God, forgive me for the poor choices I have made in the past. I know divorce saddens You. My hurt and loss seem unbearable at times. Please help me access the strength, power, peace, and comfort You provide to overcome. I know that through You I will not just overcome, but even thrive as a result of learning through these experiences to put all my eggs in Your basket alone. Right now I have to make so many decisions. I need your help. Help me to choose the right path…the one that is right for my family and for me, and most of all the path that pleases You. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who shows us what step to take next, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
Psalm 25:12
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Matthew 19:6
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
Friday, December 17, 2010
Stepping Stones: Hold The Press!
Transformational Thought
The computer and the world wide web provide phenomenal opportunities. Connecting with long lost friends, childhood bosom buddies, old teammates, family on the other side of the country or ocean, people from church, and friends from mission trips is now incredibly fast, easy, and cheap. So many hearts have been warmed and so much relational, missional, and transformational good has resulted.
But like dynamite, computers and www can be used for tremendous good or… tremendous evil. As a psychiatrist, whether in the ER, in my outpatient office, or running a rehab program, I frequently see and hear how the internet (email, chat rooms, My Space, FaceBook, Classmates, etc) has contributed to hurtful communication, cyberbullying, and infidelity as well as devastating destruction of relationships and families.
Inappropriate communication with the opposite sex via the internet happens easily because of our fast pace. We have no time to calmly and deeply share with our partners on a daily basis. Internet communication also gives us unparalleled confidence to speak freely because there is no real contact with the other person. We can experiment, re-create ourselves, mislead, and avoid dealing with the hard parts of real relationships.
Before you know it, you are writing things you should never write…with a false sense of privacy as you incorrectly assume that what you write will stay a secret between you and the receiver. You have probably heard the advice that you should not type anything anywhere that you wouldn’t want published in your church bulletin…that you shouldn’t say anything to anyone of the opposite sex that you would not want your spouse to hear you say.
Unfortunately, even though internet affairs have exploded in number, other secret, old-fashioned inappropriate communication falls into the same danger zone. Real relationships are great, but they do take time and work. Taking shortcuts will not only cheat you out of the rewards of relationship, but will also lead to painful consequences.
Today, give some thought to your use of the internet and other perceived “secret” forms of communication. Being secretive or sly is a warning bell that these writings or actions should stop. If you have been writing things you should not, then step back and say, “hold the press.” This isn’t just about writing. Cruising the wrong sites on the internet is another danger.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I ask and pray that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit to strengthen me. Teach me, Father, to remain faithful and true to those I love. Let not the fear of being caught be the deterrent. Rather let it be the pain and suffering my indiscretions create for You, for my partner…and my own heart, and brain. Above all, let it be the fear of separation from You, and my spiritual harm that direct me to the right path. I pray in the name of the one You sent to dwell in my heart, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children said - AMEN!
The Truth
I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love.
Ephesians 3:16-17
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:2,5
The computer and the world wide web provide phenomenal opportunities. Connecting with long lost friends, childhood bosom buddies, old teammates, family on the other side of the country or ocean, people from church, and friends from mission trips is now incredibly fast, easy, and cheap. So many hearts have been warmed and so much relational, missional, and transformational good has resulted.
But like dynamite, computers and www can be used for tremendous good or… tremendous evil. As a psychiatrist, whether in the ER, in my outpatient office, or running a rehab program, I frequently see and hear how the internet (email, chat rooms, My Space, FaceBook, Classmates, etc) has contributed to hurtful communication, cyberbullying, and infidelity as well as devastating destruction of relationships and families.
Inappropriate communication with the opposite sex via the internet happens easily because of our fast pace. We have no time to calmly and deeply share with our partners on a daily basis. Internet communication also gives us unparalleled confidence to speak freely because there is no real contact with the other person. We can experiment, re-create ourselves, mislead, and avoid dealing with the hard parts of real relationships.
Before you know it, you are writing things you should never write…with a false sense of privacy as you incorrectly assume that what you write will stay a secret between you and the receiver. You have probably heard the advice that you should not type anything anywhere that you wouldn’t want published in your church bulletin…that you shouldn’t say anything to anyone of the opposite sex that you would not want your spouse to hear you say.
Unfortunately, even though internet affairs have exploded in number, other secret, old-fashioned inappropriate communication falls into the same danger zone. Real relationships are great, but they do take time and work. Taking shortcuts will not only cheat you out of the rewards of relationship, but will also lead to painful consequences.
Today, give some thought to your use of the internet and other perceived “secret” forms of communication. Being secretive or sly is a warning bell that these writings or actions should stop. If you have been writing things you should not, then step back and say, “hold the press.” This isn’t just about writing. Cruising the wrong sites on the internet is another danger.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I ask and pray that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit to strengthen me. Teach me, Father, to remain faithful and true to those I love. Let not the fear of being caught be the deterrent. Rather let it be the pain and suffering my indiscretions create for You, for my partner…and my own heart, and brain. Above all, let it be the fear of separation from You, and my spiritual harm that direct me to the right path. I pray in the name of the one You sent to dwell in my heart, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children said - AMEN!
The Truth
I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love.
Ephesians 3:16-17
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:2,5
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Stepping Stones: Shoulda…Woulda…Coulda!
Transformational Thought
Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to a friend and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. They had a great time, and my wife was happy for them so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her, I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”
Striving for perfection, solely by human effort can be a frustrating endeavor. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving…
We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want.
When our focus, or even our need, is on human perfection, we will feel frustrated…and that frustration can build into resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourself. This attitude can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept…not a pretty picture.
Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judger?
We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get ourselves and everyone else in line with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we should do. We should follow Him.
Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true life.
Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect…by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the one I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it .
Matthew 16:24-25
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Stepping Stones: Go on a Fox Hunt!
Transformational Tip
The 1939 play, “The Little Foxes” by Lillian Hellman, was based on Scripture from Song of Solomon 2:15. The foundation of the message: many times it’s the collection of all the small mis-steps that gets us in trouble. Some marriages, with no major problems, still get into trouble because of an accumulation of little things. The Bible says that it is the little foxes that ruin the vineyard.
Make a commitment not to ignore the little foxes in your marriage: being thoughtless or preoccupied, forgetting special days like anniversaries and birthdays, criticizing, taking your spouse for granted, not appreciating the little things they do. The little foxes might seem unimportant, but they can eventually knock a marriage and family relationship off its feet.
Are you letting any foxes loose in your marriage? Are you spending time with your spouse or has "busy-ness" taken over? Do you really listen to her or him talk? Do you continue that little habit that irritates your spouse? With God's help, identify the little things before they become big things.
For you single people, all of the married people vowed to never let foxes into their vineyard. All would have boasted, “That will never happen to me.” But, as you see, we all fall prey to the insidious trickery of the sly foxes Satan uses to undermine what God has ordained and blessed. Safeguard your heart/mind…before you get married, you will have a better chance in your marriage.
Today, go on a fox hunt to be sure pesky little habits aren't creeping up on you. And replace the destructive little foxes with acts of love. Plan a surprise dinner for two. Buy a sentimental gift. Join your spouse in one of his or her favorite activities…even if it's not your thing. These little acts of thoughtfulness can help a marriage thrive.
Click here to share your perspective about little foxes in your life.
Prayer
Dear Father God, forgive me for how I have acted towards one of the greatest gifts You have given me, my wife. Marriage is so powerful, but also tricky and complex. Help me become more aware of the "little foxes" that I bring to the marriage…and help me replace them with acts of love. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!
Song of Solomon 2:15
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23
The 1939 play, “The Little Foxes” by Lillian Hellman, was based on Scripture from Song of Solomon 2:15. The foundation of the message: many times it’s the collection of all the small mis-steps that gets us in trouble. Some marriages, with no major problems, still get into trouble because of an accumulation of little things. The Bible says that it is the little foxes that ruin the vineyard.
Make a commitment not to ignore the little foxes in your marriage: being thoughtless or preoccupied, forgetting special days like anniversaries and birthdays, criticizing, taking your spouse for granted, not appreciating the little things they do. The little foxes might seem unimportant, but they can eventually knock a marriage and family relationship off its feet.
Are you letting any foxes loose in your marriage? Are you spending time with your spouse or has "busy-ness" taken over? Do you really listen to her or him talk? Do you continue that little habit that irritates your spouse? With God's help, identify the little things before they become big things.
For you single people, all of the married people vowed to never let foxes into their vineyard. All would have boasted, “That will never happen to me.” But, as you see, we all fall prey to the insidious trickery of the sly foxes Satan uses to undermine what God has ordained and blessed. Safeguard your heart/mind…before you get married, you will have a better chance in your marriage.
Today, go on a fox hunt to be sure pesky little habits aren't creeping up on you. And replace the destructive little foxes with acts of love. Plan a surprise dinner for two. Buy a sentimental gift. Join your spouse in one of his or her favorite activities…even if it's not your thing. These little acts of thoughtfulness can help a marriage thrive.
Click here to share your perspective about little foxes in your life.
Prayer
Dear Father God, forgive me for how I have acted towards one of the greatest gifts You have given me, my wife. Marriage is so powerful, but also tricky and complex. Help me become more aware of the "little foxes" that I bring to the marriage…and help me replace them with acts of love. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!
Song of Solomon 2:15
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23
Monday, April 5, 2010
Stepping Stones: Submission ≠ Weaker Than
Transformational Tip
In God's plan for the family, each family member has a role to fulfill. God's divine revelation for the family is mutual submission.
Each family member is first a child of God. Children of God are to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Each family member is called to submit to and respect their own and the other family members' God-given roles. This attitude of mutual respect and submission to God’s plan and the God-determined appointments or roles of each person should pass from generation to generation.
Important lessons about marriage are taught by the parents to the children through verbal and, especially, nonverbal communication. These lessons can have a tremendous influence…good or bad on children. For example, if a husband loves and respects his wife, his son has a better chance of understanding how to love and respect his wife, and is more likely to actually do it. And so on through the generations.
I don’t believe God views the various family positions in a hierarchy of superior to inferior. Each is given a different, but equally important role to play. As each one carries out his or her role in the way God has designed, everyone will glorify God, be blessed, and the family will flourish. Similar to the mutual submission modeled for us by the Trinity…God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
The husband is to honor and submit to his role as a servant-leader, thus serving his wife and family. He also must submit to his wife’s role…to listen to her insights and the special wisdom God has given her. The wife is called to submit to and honor her husband as the spiritual leader with responsibility and authority for the direction of the family and he answers to God.
Children are to honor and obey their parents. Parents are to submit to and honor their children…listening to the simple wisdom God has blessed them with…respecting their God-given talents and gifts and giving room and encouragement to grow in those areas…respecting their children's unique traits and helping them grow into the person God has designed them to be.
Today, identify your role in your family. Respect it and the God-given role of others in your family. That is how true family unity and synergy occurs. Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your perspective on submission.
Prayer
Dear Father God, Thank you for Your perfect design for the family. Help our family members to understand and fulfill our roles according to Your plan. Teach us to respect and submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. I pray this and all prayers through the One who You sent to teach me about true submission, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:21-28
In God's plan for the family, each family member has a role to fulfill. God's divine revelation for the family is mutual submission.
Each family member is first a child of God. Children of God are to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Each family member is called to submit to and respect their own and the other family members' God-given roles. This attitude of mutual respect and submission to God’s plan and the God-determined appointments or roles of each person should pass from generation to generation.
Important lessons about marriage are taught by the parents to the children through verbal and, especially, nonverbal communication. These lessons can have a tremendous influence…good or bad on children. For example, if a husband loves and respects his wife, his son has a better chance of understanding how to love and respect his wife, and is more likely to actually do it. And so on through the generations.
I don’t believe God views the various family positions in a hierarchy of superior to inferior. Each is given a different, but equally important role to play. As each one carries out his or her role in the way God has designed, everyone will glorify God, be blessed, and the family will flourish. Similar to the mutual submission modeled for us by the Trinity…God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
The husband is to honor and submit to his role as a servant-leader, thus serving his wife and family. He also must submit to his wife’s role…to listen to her insights and the special wisdom God has given her. The wife is called to submit to and honor her husband as the spiritual leader with responsibility and authority for the direction of the family and he answers to God.
Children are to honor and obey their parents. Parents are to submit to and honor their children…listening to the simple wisdom God has blessed them with…respecting their God-given talents and gifts and giving room and encouragement to grow in those areas…respecting their children's unique traits and helping them grow into the person God has designed them to be.
Today, identify your role in your family. Respect it and the God-given role of others in your family. That is how true family unity and synergy occurs. Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your perspective on submission.
Prayer
Dear Father God, Thank you for Your perfect design for the family. Help our family members to understand and fulfill our roles according to Your plan. Teach us to respect and submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. I pray this and all prayers through the One who You sent to teach me about true submission, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:21-28
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Stepping Stones: Is Marriage For Fools?
Transformational Tip
My 9 yo asked me, “Dad, what is National Atheist Day?” I was thinking hard as I hate looking dumb in front of my girls, especially my 9 yo. I was also thinking, how did the atheists get a day…was it part of the healthcare reform zillion page bill? I gave up and asked for the answer. “April 1…April Fools Day.” She is a little character.
We will tackle marriage today as only fools fall in love. Becoming one in Christ is God's plan for husbands and wives. This spiritual, psychological, and physical union is a special miracle of God. It seems so elusive and frustrating to attain that you almost have to be a fool to even try.
Today's scripture states that a man leaves his father and mother to be joined to his wife. The "leaving behind" is often difficult for the man and the woman when it comes to baggage…like unhealthy behavior patterns, hurt feelings, wounds, neglect, abuse, fears, need for control, and lack of role models for skill development.
In many cases, individuals bring this kind of baggage to the marriage, counting on their new relationship to "fix" the hurt. But there must be openness and real unconditional love for each other with God, Jesus, and the Bible at the center of the relationship. When these are left out, bringing this kind of baggage to the marriage will hurt the relationship and hinder the process of truly becoming one.
Today, turn to Jesus for healing from these kinds of problems. Are there areas of baggage that you need to allow God to help you with in the process of "becoming one"? Are you ready to let Him help? Remember your wedding vows. Why have you broken your covenant to God, your spouse, and loved ones. We all break them, but be intentional about being “foolish” to the world’s way of doing marriage and choose God’s way.
Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your perspective on becoming one with the help of God.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I know I brought some things into my marriage that I should have dealt with before getting married. I guess I really did think that this marriage…and my spouse…would change everything. But I realize now that my answer can only be found in Jesus. Forgive me for waiting until now to turn to You. Thank You for loving me. Help me through this process of healing. Help my spouse and me grow in our relationship and to truly be one in Christ. I pray this and all prayers through your Son and my Savior, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
As the Scriptures say, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Ephesians 5:31
If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.
Numbers 30:2
My 9 yo asked me, “Dad, what is National Atheist Day?” I was thinking hard as I hate looking dumb in front of my girls, especially my 9 yo. I was also thinking, how did the atheists get a day…was it part of the healthcare reform zillion page bill? I gave up and asked for the answer. “April 1…April Fools Day.” She is a little character.
We will tackle marriage today as only fools fall in love. Becoming one in Christ is God's plan for husbands and wives. This spiritual, psychological, and physical union is a special miracle of God. It seems so elusive and frustrating to attain that you almost have to be a fool to even try.
Today's scripture states that a man leaves his father and mother to be joined to his wife. The "leaving behind" is often difficult for the man and the woman when it comes to baggage…like unhealthy behavior patterns, hurt feelings, wounds, neglect, abuse, fears, need for control, and lack of role models for skill development.
In many cases, individuals bring this kind of baggage to the marriage, counting on their new relationship to "fix" the hurt. But there must be openness and real unconditional love for each other with God, Jesus, and the Bible at the center of the relationship. When these are left out, bringing this kind of baggage to the marriage will hurt the relationship and hinder the process of truly becoming one.
Today, turn to Jesus for healing from these kinds of problems. Are there areas of baggage that you need to allow God to help you with in the process of "becoming one"? Are you ready to let Him help? Remember your wedding vows. Why have you broken your covenant to God, your spouse, and loved ones. We all break them, but be intentional about being “foolish” to the world’s way of doing marriage and choose God’s way.
Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your perspective on becoming one with the help of God.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I know I brought some things into my marriage that I should have dealt with before getting married. I guess I really did think that this marriage…and my spouse…would change everything. But I realize now that my answer can only be found in Jesus. Forgive me for waiting until now to turn to You. Thank You for loving me. Help me through this process of healing. Help my spouse and me grow in our relationship and to truly be one in Christ. I pray this and all prayers through your Son and my Savior, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
As the Scriptures say, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Ephesians 5:31
If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.
Numbers 30:2
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Stepping Stones: Why Are You In My Life?
Transformational Tip
Do you ever wonder about the people that come into your life? All kinds…the person at the store you talk to in line…an acquaintance from some social circle…a friend from school…family members you share many experiences…a colleague at work. The numbers are amazing even for someone avoiding relationships.
Sometimes, if you are lucky…truly blessed…you have someone enter your life who will change your life forever. A special person delivering God’s, mercy, grace, and unconditional love…right to the doorstep of your heart.
Well, I was one of those lucky people. 21 years ago, when I was stuck at some significant crossroads in many areas of my life, when I least expected it, God showed up. Right in the middle of New Orleans, at a Mardi Gras party, I met and fell in love with the most beautiful person. Love at first sight!
She was, and is, incredibly beautiful on the outside…but the amazing part is who she is on the inside. When I was in such need personally and spiritually for God to show up, He showed up through my wife, Martine. Her unconditional love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and sacrifice have been so powerful to me…freeing me from my personal demons and allowing me to see God’s majesty in her and through her.
Since then, my engagement and growth with God has been unbelievable and He has transformed my life. I wish I could say I am the perfect husband…or even a good husband, but unfortunately, that is the area I still need to grow in the most. So, Happy Birthday, Honey, and thank you so much for what you have done for me. I will work at husbanding more today and this year!
Today, think about who God has put in YOUR life. Are you to profoundly influence them? Then do it. Have they been a profound influence on you? Then thank God for them and thank them, a lot. Do something special for them, ASAP. God does show up, and often it’s in the form of others. Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your perspective on why God puts people in your life.
Prayer
Oh God, Thank You so much for not giving up on me even though I strayed and tried life my own way. All the grace and protection You provided still astounds and humbles me. Then to bring me an incredible gift, my Martine, I am speechless. Please strengthen me and help me have the courage to resist my selfish desires and really love and serve her…for that will honor You, her, and me. I pray this and all prayers for the one who loved perfectly and fully, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
2 Corinthians 5:20
Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you."
John 20:21
And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.
Mark 16:15
Do you ever wonder about the people that come into your life? All kinds…the person at the store you talk to in line…an acquaintance from some social circle…a friend from school…family members you share many experiences…a colleague at work. The numbers are amazing even for someone avoiding relationships.
Sometimes, if you are lucky…truly blessed…you have someone enter your life who will change your life forever. A special person delivering God’s, mercy, grace, and unconditional love…right to the doorstep of your heart.
Well, I was one of those lucky people. 21 years ago, when I was stuck at some significant crossroads in many areas of my life, when I least expected it, God showed up. Right in the middle of New Orleans, at a Mardi Gras party, I met and fell in love with the most beautiful person. Love at first sight!
She was, and is, incredibly beautiful on the outside…but the amazing part is who she is on the inside. When I was in such need personally and spiritually for God to show up, He showed up through my wife, Martine. Her unconditional love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and sacrifice have been so powerful to me…freeing me from my personal demons and allowing me to see God’s majesty in her and through her.
Since then, my engagement and growth with God has been unbelievable and He has transformed my life. I wish I could say I am the perfect husband…or even a good husband, but unfortunately, that is the area I still need to grow in the most. So, Happy Birthday, Honey, and thank you so much for what you have done for me. I will work at husbanding more today and this year!
Today, think about who God has put in YOUR life. Are you to profoundly influence them? Then do it. Have they been a profound influence on you? Then thank God for them and thank them, a lot. Do something special for them, ASAP. God does show up, and often it’s in the form of others. Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your perspective on why God puts people in your life.
Prayer
Oh God, Thank You so much for not giving up on me even though I strayed and tried life my own way. All the grace and protection You provided still astounds and humbles me. Then to bring me an incredible gift, my Martine, I am speechless. Please strengthen me and help me have the courage to resist my selfish desires and really love and serve her…for that will honor You, her, and me. I pray this and all prayers for the one who loved perfectly and fully, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
2 Corinthians 5:20
Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you."
John 20:21
And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.
Mark 16:15
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Stepping Stones: Hold The Press!
Transformational Tip
The computer and the World Wide Web provide phenomenal opportunities... connecting with long lost friends, childhood bosom buddies, old teammates, family on the other side of the country or ocean, people from church, and friends from mission trips is now so easy and cheap. This has warmed so many hearts and so much relational, missional, and transformational good has resulted.
But like dynamite, computers and WWW can be used for tremendous good or… tremendous evil. As a psychiatrist, whether in the ER or in my outpatient office, or running a rehab program, I hear frequently how the internet (email, chat rooms, My Space, FaceBook, Classmates, etc) has contributed to infidelity and the devastating destruction of relationships and families.
Inappropriate communication with the opposite sex, via the Internet, happens easily because of our fast pace. We have no time to calmly and with depth, share with our partners during days. Internet communication also gives us unparalleled confidence to speak freely, as there is no real contact with the other person. We can experiment, re-create ourself, mislead, not have to deal with the hard parts of real relationships.
Before you know it you are writing things you should never write…a false sense of privacy as you delusionally assume that what you write will stay a secret between you and the receiver. You have probably heard the advice that you should not type anything anywhere that you would’t want published in your church bulletin… or, you shouldn’t say anything to anyone of the opposite sex that you would not want your spouse to hear.
Unfortunately, even though Internet affairs have exploded, other secret, old-fashioned inappropriate communication falls into the same danger zone.
Today, give some thought to your use of the internet and other perceived “secret” forms of communication. You know it is writing or actions that you should stop because you are secretive or sly about them. If you have been writing things you should not, then stop and say “hold the press”. Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your thoughts on how to avoid falling into relationship cyber-traps.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I ask and pray that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit to strengthen me. Teach me, Father, to remain faithful and true to those I love. Let not the fear of being caught be the deterrent, rather let it be the pain and suffering my indiscretions may create for You, my partner…and my heart, and brain. Above all, let it be the fear of separation from You and my spiritual harm that directs me to the right path. I pray in the name of the one You sent to dwell in my heart, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children said - AMEN!
The Truth
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love.
Ephesians 3:16-17
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:2,5
The computer and the World Wide Web provide phenomenal opportunities... connecting with long lost friends, childhood bosom buddies, old teammates, family on the other side of the country or ocean, people from church, and friends from mission trips is now so easy and cheap. This has warmed so many hearts and so much relational, missional, and transformational good has resulted.
But like dynamite, computers and WWW can be used for tremendous good or… tremendous evil. As a psychiatrist, whether in the ER or in my outpatient office, or running a rehab program, I hear frequently how the internet (email, chat rooms, My Space, FaceBook, Classmates, etc) has contributed to infidelity and the devastating destruction of relationships and families.
Inappropriate communication with the opposite sex, via the Internet, happens easily because of our fast pace. We have no time to calmly and with depth, share with our partners during days. Internet communication also gives us unparalleled confidence to speak freely, as there is no real contact with the other person. We can experiment, re-create ourself, mislead, not have to deal with the hard parts of real relationships.
Before you know it you are writing things you should never write…a false sense of privacy as you delusionally assume that what you write will stay a secret between you and the receiver. You have probably heard the advice that you should not type anything anywhere that you would’t want published in your church bulletin… or, you shouldn’t say anything to anyone of the opposite sex that you would not want your spouse to hear.
Unfortunately, even though Internet affairs have exploded, other secret, old-fashioned inappropriate communication falls into the same danger zone.
Today, give some thought to your use of the internet and other perceived “secret” forms of communication. You know it is writing or actions that you should stop because you are secretive or sly about them. If you have been writing things you should not, then stop and say “hold the press”. Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your thoughts on how to avoid falling into relationship cyber-traps.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I ask and pray that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit to strengthen me. Teach me, Father, to remain faithful and true to those I love. Let not the fear of being caught be the deterrent, rather let it be the pain and suffering my indiscretions may create for You, my partner…and my heart, and brain. Above all, let it be the fear of separation from You and my spiritual harm that directs me to the right path. I pray in the name of the one You sent to dwell in my heart, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children said - AMEN!
The Truth
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love.
Ephesians 3:16-17
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:2,5
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Stepping Stones: Bridge-Building 101
Transformational Tip
Today is a special day, more special than most I am blessed to have. Today is my 18th wedding anniversary. Yes honey, I did remember. Marriage is an amazing institution, yes institution, as it and we tend to drive each other crazy at times. Crazy in love alternating with crazy from anger, hurt, or feeling overwhelmed. Thankfully, God brought the best person I could ever imagine into my life. Way better than I ever deserved or could "get" on my own. Our whole story is filled with unbelievable, one in million kind of occurrences...it is so cool to reminisce and think about even now. We are almost total opposites, which really attracted us to each other in the beginning. Our differences though, have been challenging to navigate. She has become my best friend and has taught me so much about myself and life that I would never have understood on my own.
Life is hard at times, and she is such a great help and support, I can't imagine doing life without her, her love, her smile, and her unconditional acceptance of me with all my shortcomings and me-centeredness. She was God's catalyst to open my eyes to follow God's will and not my will.
God really understood the importance of spouse to each other in a marriage, and a mother and a father's role, differently but complementary, in raising children. It is neat how we have learned to draw on each other's strengths better and cover for each other's weaknesses.
I just wish my learning curve was quicker...I could be the man I vowed to be 18 years ago...the man my wife deserves. I finally realized my wife isn't the enemy, Satan is the enemy and we need to huddle to battle against Satan, not squaring off against each other. Put Jesus in the center, quarterback of our team, and Martine and I are taking our direction from Him to combat Satan.
Today, if you are married, think of what you could do differently to really put your focus on Christ and what He wants as you relate to your spouse. If you are divorced or separated, take ownership of what you did and ask God and your spouse for forgiveness. If you are single, learn from the lessons of me and many. Marriage is incredibly rewarding, but also very trying and challenging.
Martine, I love you!
Prayer
Dear God,
Thank You so much for Your love for me and for Your amazing grace. Your son's incredible love and sacrifice for me and the church is the greatest model of how I should be obedient to You and love and sacrifice for my wife. Thanks for your forgiveness of my shortcomings. I ask for more openness to the Holy Spirit guiding me toward listening to Martine's needs, and a sacrificial spirit to serve her needs. And thank you for Martine, after Jesus' sacrifice for me, is the greatest thing that ever happened to me! In the unconditionally loving name of Jesus- AMEN!
The Truth
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Genesis 2:18
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
And Jesus said to them, "Can the wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast.
The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast in that day.
Mark 2:19-20
Today is a special day, more special than most I am blessed to have. Today is my 18th wedding anniversary. Yes honey, I did remember. Marriage is an amazing institution, yes institution, as it and we tend to drive each other crazy at times. Crazy in love alternating with crazy from anger, hurt, or feeling overwhelmed. Thankfully, God brought the best person I could ever imagine into my life. Way better than I ever deserved or could "get" on my own. Our whole story is filled with unbelievable, one in million kind of occurrences...it is so cool to reminisce and think about even now. We are almost total opposites, which really attracted us to each other in the beginning. Our differences though, have been challenging to navigate. She has become my best friend and has taught me so much about myself and life that I would never have understood on my own.
Life is hard at times, and she is such a great help and support, I can't imagine doing life without her, her love, her smile, and her unconditional acceptance of me with all my shortcomings and me-centeredness. She was God's catalyst to open my eyes to follow God's will and not my will.
God really understood the importance of spouse to each other in a marriage, and a mother and a father's role, differently but complementary, in raising children. It is neat how we have learned to draw on each other's strengths better and cover for each other's weaknesses.
I just wish my learning curve was quicker...I could be the man I vowed to be 18 years ago...the man my wife deserves. I finally realized my wife isn't the enemy, Satan is the enemy and we need to huddle to battle against Satan, not squaring off against each other. Put Jesus in the center, quarterback of our team, and Martine and I are taking our direction from Him to combat Satan.
Today, if you are married, think of what you could do differently to really put your focus on Christ and what He wants as you relate to your spouse. If you are divorced or separated, take ownership of what you did and ask God and your spouse for forgiveness. If you are single, learn from the lessons of me and many. Marriage is incredibly rewarding, but also very trying and challenging.
Martine, I love you!
Prayer
Dear God,
Thank You so much for Your love for me and for Your amazing grace. Your son's incredible love and sacrifice for me and the church is the greatest model of how I should be obedient to You and love and sacrifice for my wife. Thanks for your forgiveness of my shortcomings. I ask for more openness to the Holy Spirit guiding me toward listening to Martine's needs, and a sacrificial spirit to serve her needs. And thank you for Martine, after Jesus' sacrifice for me, is the greatest thing that ever happened to me! In the unconditionally loving name of Jesus- AMEN!
The Truth
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Genesis 2:18
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
And Jesus said to them, "Can the wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast.
The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast in that day.
Mark 2:19-20
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