April 10, 2012
Transformational Thought
There was a book in the 1980’s that became very popular for attempting to understand human reaction to the stresses of life. That book, “Dinosaur Brains”, was based on the premise was human beings were just like the dinosaurs when responding to tense situations. They claimed we had 2 responses: either “fight or flight”. The “fight” reaction caused us to stand our ground, build up our defenses and begin to battle. “Flight” meant that we sensed that there was way too much danger and, instead of digging in for the battle, we ran away to seek safe ground. The author believed that this basic fight or flight mechanism was the strongest motivation for humans. I disagree!
I believe that there is a much stronger motivation in human beings that can bring out the worst in all of us. That motivation is the emotion called shame. Unlike the instantaneous reaction of fight or flight, shame is a quiet and insidious emotion that takes its toll over a lifetime as we think about and relive things that have caused us embarrassment in the past. However, shame does have a purpose. The fear of experiencing shame can sometimes keep us from doing the wrong things, like breaking the law or doing harm to another human being.
For many of us, shame is caused by carrying guilt about something that we have done in the past, or something that we continue to do. Perhaps our anger gets out of control from time to time and we say things we are embarrassed about or ashamed of later. Or, perhaps we enable other people to behave poorly because we are afraid to confront them and deal with what they may say or do to us. Another reason for shame is the inability to stop participating in a bad habit or break an addiction.
What makes shame an even more powerful force in our lives is that it is caused not only by what we have done, but also by what has been done to us by others. People sometimes do terrible things to others for their own amusement or to meet their own needs. This is simply wrong and there is no justification for it. The guilt and shame that this puts on the victim is a burden that can take a lifetime to overcome. If you have had something terrible happen to you at someone else’s hand and you are carrying the burden of shame because of it, please know that there is help out there for you. Lighthouse Network provides resources for those carrying the shame associated with past abuse or current addictions. In the Wildflowers, into My Arms, WITHIN REACH, and Edging Forward can all be found at our Lighthouse Store and can guide your path to freedom.
Today, as you reflect on what is holding you back from the life you could be leading, commit to let go of the guilt associated with past poor decisions, and strive to make better decisions day by day. If you carry the burden of what others have done to you, commit to seek help in that area of your life. In either situation, know that God loves you just the way you are and not the way you think you should be. He proved his love for us by sending his Son to take away the shame and guilt of sin in our lives by dying on the cross for us. Recovery is your decision, so choose well.
Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, I’m tired of carrying the burden of shame I feel each and every day. I know this is holding me back and I come to You to relieve my burden. Even though I know that You have made me in your image, and that You have called me your child, I confess that I don’t always believe that I am worthy of dignity or honor, or that I am cherished by You. I pray, dear Father, that You will touch my heart and allow me to sense Your amazing love for me. I pray that You will take this burden from me so that I might have life and live it abundantly, knowing that I am your cherished possession. I pray this in the name of the One who took my shame and gave me freedom, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say – AMEN
The Truth
Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.
Isaiah 61:7
As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in Him will never be put to shame.”
Romans 10:11
And now, dear children, continue in Him, so that when He appears we may be confident and unashamed before Him at his coming.
1 John 2:28
Showing posts with label Guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guilt. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Stepping Stones: Are You Adequate Enough?
Transformational Thought
Call it what you want, we all have weaknesses, issues, baggage, or shortcomings. That’s why marketing and advertising strategies are so successful. Commercials point out our problems, sometimes with humorous exaggeration, and then tell us, actually sell us, what we need to feel adequate, satisfied, whole, healed, or better in all those areas of struggle.
Actually, we are all born with an accurate sense of our extreme inadequacy. Why? Because we are separated from God and desperately need Him … in fact, we are designed to need Him. Our sin separates us from God and condemns us.
But so many of us carry the constant burden of condemnation, even after accepting Christ’s victory over our sin. We develop a false standard that embellishes those insecure and inadequate feelings we harbor in our core. These feelings keep our heads down, smiles off our faces, and our lights dimly light. Does this describe you? Does it describe others you know?
These feelings come from a lifetime of arrows constantly launched at us. Some of those arrows come from those closest to us … words and glances of disapproval from parents, friends, spouses, or kids. We are not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough. Know that all those arrows originate from our ultimate and only true enemy, Satan. He’s the guy that hands out the arrows. He wants to capitalize on that original feeling of spiritual inadequacy, bankruptcy actually, and have us believe it will always hang around our neck and choke us. Satan is the one who wants us to be in a constant state of feeling condemned.
Remember that those who shoot the arrows are full of arrows themselves. (And admit that you too have been an archer). Remember, hurt people will hurt people. They aren’t your real enemy. But you and I and all those who are in Christ Jesus can be condemnation-free from this moment forward. Scripture tells us clearly, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Today, watch your words and actions. Don’t let Satan use you like a puppet to launch arrows at others. Guard your thoughts and words. Look to encourage and comfort first, then gently correct. If you are feeling condemned: 1. Repent by confessing your wrong doing or wrong thinking; 2. Accept God’s forgiveness; 3. Stop being so prideful thinking you need to add something to God’s power, grace, or Jesus’ death for your forgiveness. 4. Examine what baggage is still brainwashing you in this area of struggle. Receive all His grace and forgiveness. Believe it, and rejoice that our heavenly Father accepts you, the prodigal child, and can truly make you whole. Believe this good news and carry this message to those you know who suffer from inadequacy and condemnation. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I believe You have freed me from all condemnation through the death of Your Son on the cross for my sins. And while I do believe, I still struggle with feelings of condemnation … sometimes for no apparent reason. But I know my past baggage rears its ugly head in subliminal ways. Open my eyes to issues I need to work on. Help me to apply Your instruction to them. Father, I come to You with an open heart and with a thankful spirit. I ask that You help me experience the full freedom You have made possible for me. Thank You, Lord. I know that I need Your Spirit to help me, but I am unsure of how to fully engage His assistance. Show me the way, Lord. In the name of the most adequate, purifying blood of Jesus; and all God’s children say – AMEN!
The Truth
Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
He (the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies
John 8:44
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.
Luke 15:19-24
Call it what you want, we all have weaknesses, issues, baggage, or shortcomings. That’s why marketing and advertising strategies are so successful. Commercials point out our problems, sometimes with humorous exaggeration, and then tell us, actually sell us, what we need to feel adequate, satisfied, whole, healed, or better in all those areas of struggle.
Actually, we are all born with an accurate sense of our extreme inadequacy. Why? Because we are separated from God and desperately need Him … in fact, we are designed to need Him. Our sin separates us from God and condemns us.
But so many of us carry the constant burden of condemnation, even after accepting Christ’s victory over our sin. We develop a false standard that embellishes those insecure and inadequate feelings we harbor in our core. These feelings keep our heads down, smiles off our faces, and our lights dimly light. Does this describe you? Does it describe others you know?
These feelings come from a lifetime of arrows constantly launched at us. Some of those arrows come from those closest to us … words and glances of disapproval from parents, friends, spouses, or kids. We are not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough. Know that all those arrows originate from our ultimate and only true enemy, Satan. He’s the guy that hands out the arrows. He wants to capitalize on that original feeling of spiritual inadequacy, bankruptcy actually, and have us believe it will always hang around our neck and choke us. Satan is the one who wants us to be in a constant state of feeling condemned.
Remember that those who shoot the arrows are full of arrows themselves. (And admit that you too have been an archer). Remember, hurt people will hurt people. They aren’t your real enemy. But you and I and all those who are in Christ Jesus can be condemnation-free from this moment forward. Scripture tells us clearly, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Today, watch your words and actions. Don’t let Satan use you like a puppet to launch arrows at others. Guard your thoughts and words. Look to encourage and comfort first, then gently correct. If you are feeling condemned: 1. Repent by confessing your wrong doing or wrong thinking; 2. Accept God’s forgiveness; 3. Stop being so prideful thinking you need to add something to God’s power, grace, or Jesus’ death for your forgiveness. 4. Examine what baggage is still brainwashing you in this area of struggle. Receive all His grace and forgiveness. Believe it, and rejoice that our heavenly Father accepts you, the prodigal child, and can truly make you whole. Believe this good news and carry this message to those you know who suffer from inadequacy and condemnation. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I believe You have freed me from all condemnation through the death of Your Son on the cross for my sins. And while I do believe, I still struggle with feelings of condemnation … sometimes for no apparent reason. But I know my past baggage rears its ugly head in subliminal ways. Open my eyes to issues I need to work on. Help me to apply Your instruction to them. Father, I come to You with an open heart and with a thankful spirit. I ask that You help me experience the full freedom You have made possible for me. Thank You, Lord. I know that I need Your Spirit to help me, but I am unsure of how to fully engage His assistance. Show me the way, Lord. In the name of the most adequate, purifying blood of Jesus; and all God’s children say – AMEN!
The Truth
Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
He (the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies
John 8:44
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.
Luke 15:19-24
Monday, July 11, 2011
Stepping Stones: Shoulda…Woulda…Coulda!
Transformational Thought
Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to friends and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. The girls had a great time, and my wife was happy for them, so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”
Striving for perfection, solely by human effort, is a frustrating task. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving …
We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want and need them to do.
When our focus, or worse yet, our need, is human perfection, we will feel frustrated … and that frustration usually leads to guilt or resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourselves. This mind-set can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept … not a pretty picture.
You see, taking stock of our shortcomings is important and necessary, but we have to look at our goal and how are we going to use that data. If we are objective and use it to move forward, get better at life, and give hope to the future, then that’s great. If we are using the data to beat ourselves up, hold ourselves back, become fearful of trying again, and sucking hope from the future, well that’s the trap we often fall into. Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judge?
We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get everyone else in line ourselves … with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we ought to do. We should follow Him and work toward the Mind and Actions of Christ.
Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and are becoming an idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises that if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true, refreshing, and everlasting life.
Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect … by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the One I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.”
Matthew 16:24-25
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to friends and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. The girls had a great time, and my wife was happy for them, so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”
Striving for perfection, solely by human effort, is a frustrating task. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving …
We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want and need them to do.
When our focus, or worse yet, our need, is human perfection, we will feel frustrated … and that frustration usually leads to guilt or resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourselves. This mind-set can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept … not a pretty picture.
You see, taking stock of our shortcomings is important and necessary, but we have to look at our goal and how are we going to use that data. If we are objective and use it to move forward, get better at life, and give hope to the future, then that’s great. If we are using the data to beat ourselves up, hold ourselves back, become fearful of trying again, and sucking hope from the future, well that’s the trap we often fall into. Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judge?
We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get everyone else in line ourselves … with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we ought to do. We should follow Him and work toward the Mind and Actions of Christ.
Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and are becoming an idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises that if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true, refreshing, and everlasting life.
Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect … by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the One I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.”
Matthew 16:24-25
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Stepping Stones: Too Shy To Call Your Bodyguard?
Transformational Thought
I grew up in a rough part of town, and all boys were clearly measured by their ability to fight … to be tough. I wasn’t that tough, but I had an older brother who was by far the toughest boy in town. So as Jamie’s brother, I was never measured by my physical weakness or limitations … I carried with me my big brother’s strength, for all knew to fight me was to ultimately fight my brother Jamie … and no one wanted to do that.
Some days I feel so limited, so inept … so clumsy and weak. I’m sure you have days like this, too. We all do. On days like these remember that, thankfully, we need not be measured by our human limitations. We have a big brother, an advocate, a protector. Our bodyguard in this spiritual war is so willing and able to step in and lend us His toughness and power. Will you accept His offer?
As a kid, it wasn’t all about just me, because my brother was always there to protect me. Satan wants us to think it is all about us … depends on us … and nobody is there to help us. Depending or relying on any one else is really hard, especially for men. Self-sufficiency is what we’ve been brainwashed and trained to practice, and it seems so reasonable to strive for. But putting my confidence in myself, to meet my needs, to solve everything and to soothe me … wow, what a set up for failure and loss.
So today, remember that it’s not about your human limitations, or even about your strength. It’s all about His strength. We have so much more than a tough brother in our corner … we have our all-powerful Lord and God. Recall the times where He has protected you from the world or your own mistakes … like speeding, impulse spending, dating and sexual mistakes, words you wish you could take back. When you have some struggle today, put on the armor, trust in God’s power and promises, and put your confidence in His track record, not yours. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear God our Father, I take baby steps of faith, and based on this genuine faith, I am confident that You will show me what You can do. I want to know the excitement of seeing Your work in me. I am thankful for seeing Your work in this Stepping Stones community of believers. All glory to you, my Lord. Through faith, I receive Your Spirit today and everyday. Your Spirit empowers me to go beyond my human limitations … beyond my physical ability and strength … for without You I am so much weaker. I pray that I stop measuring my human limitations as I face the challenges and burdens before me. The issue is not my human limitations … the focus is Your Strength, not mine. I believe that by walking closer to you, I can better understand and accomplish Your purpose with Your strength, not mine. I pray in the name of the One who is my Big Protector, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith. And the Lord said, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.”
Luke 17:5-6
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I grew up in a rough part of town, and all boys were clearly measured by their ability to fight … to be tough. I wasn’t that tough, but I had an older brother who was by far the toughest boy in town. So as Jamie’s brother, I was never measured by my physical weakness or limitations … I carried with me my big brother’s strength, for all knew to fight me was to ultimately fight my brother Jamie … and no one wanted to do that.
Some days I feel so limited, so inept … so clumsy and weak. I’m sure you have days like this, too. We all do. On days like these remember that, thankfully, we need not be measured by our human limitations. We have a big brother, an advocate, a protector. Our bodyguard in this spiritual war is so willing and able to step in and lend us His toughness and power. Will you accept His offer?
As a kid, it wasn’t all about just me, because my brother was always there to protect me. Satan wants us to think it is all about us … depends on us … and nobody is there to help us. Depending or relying on any one else is really hard, especially for men. Self-sufficiency is what we’ve been brainwashed and trained to practice, and it seems so reasonable to strive for. But putting my confidence in myself, to meet my needs, to solve everything and to soothe me … wow, what a set up for failure and loss.
So today, remember that it’s not about your human limitations, or even about your strength. It’s all about His strength. We have so much more than a tough brother in our corner … we have our all-powerful Lord and God. Recall the times where He has protected you from the world or your own mistakes … like speeding, impulse spending, dating and sexual mistakes, words you wish you could take back. When you have some struggle today, put on the armor, trust in God’s power and promises, and put your confidence in His track record, not yours. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear God our Father, I take baby steps of faith, and based on this genuine faith, I am confident that You will show me what You can do. I want to know the excitement of seeing Your work in me. I am thankful for seeing Your work in this Stepping Stones community of believers. All glory to you, my Lord. Through faith, I receive Your Spirit today and everyday. Your Spirit empowers me to go beyond my human limitations … beyond my physical ability and strength … for without You I am so much weaker. I pray that I stop measuring my human limitations as I face the challenges and burdens before me. The issue is not my human limitations … the focus is Your Strength, not mine. I believe that by walking closer to you, I can better understand and accomplish Your purpose with Your strength, not mine. I pray in the name of the One who is my Big Protector, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith. And the Lord said, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.”
Luke 17:5-6
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Stepping Stones: Guilt Trip To…. Nowhere
Transformational Thought
I often hear mothers using guilt to “motivate” their children. “If you loved me, you would do your chores.” “I worked long and hard on this meal, so you better eat it.” Or other people might say, “We’ll have to cancel the event … unless you help us.” And the classic, “Look at these starving kids in Africa and all the food you throw away. Please send money.”
Guilt is an incredible motivator, but that’s not really the correct role and use of guilt. I am all for pointing out injustices and needs and then allowing people to step into their role to help these situations. The issue I am trying to separate from these examples is this: we shouldn’t try to use guilt as a tool to motivate people.
Several subliminal distorted messages can unwontedly occur when people act as a result of feeling guilty. 1. I am responsible for and can control someone else’s feelings through what I do. 2. The other person won’t feel better unless I act the way they want. 3. When you want to get someone to do something for you, it is OK to lay a guilt trip on them. 4. Decisions should be based on self-needs and emotions, not God’s truth, facts, and reasoning … probably the worst message. Unfortunately, these distorted messages subtly seep into many people’s everyday functioning and dramatically interfere with Godly decision-making.
Many pastors and priests try to whip their congregations into Christian action by delivering guilt-inducing sermons. Whether guilting someone to say the sinner’s prayer, give money, volunteer, or stop a certain behavior, the end does not justify the means. I have personally experienced these guilt-evoking messages. And unfortunately, they undermine the very foundation of grace and love that God wants to instill in a believer’s heart.
Today, take notice if you are feeling guilty about something, or if you are inducing guilt in someone else. Stop and examine why guilt is present. Let the guilt warn you a problem exists, but don’t let it be your decision-maker. Let reason and the Bible direct your heart and actions. Confess, repent, apologize, and ask forgiveness. You are responsible for your feelings and happiness; the other person is responsible for his own. Above all else, be mindful that God does not measure and judge you by the amount of good works you do; rather He looks into your heart. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I do not want to be stressed out about not “doing enough” to be a good Christian. I know that You want me to relax in the assurance of Your perfect love. Today help me remember that You delight in me more than I can ever imagine, that You see me cloaked in Your light and presence … and that there is no condemnation for those cloaked in You. Help me daily, Lord, to come closer to having the Mind of Christ. Help me make decisions based on Your word, not my feelings. Help me feel convicted and guilty about my wrongs, but then look to You for forgiveness, and to Your word for guidance in doing right. I pray in the name of the One who knew no guilt ‘til He bore all mine, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest.
Isaiah 61:10
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Romans 8:1-2
I often hear mothers using guilt to “motivate” their children. “If you loved me, you would do your chores.” “I worked long and hard on this meal, so you better eat it.” Or other people might say, “We’ll have to cancel the event … unless you help us.” And the classic, “Look at these starving kids in Africa and all the food you throw away. Please send money.”
Guilt is an incredible motivator, but that’s not really the correct role and use of guilt. I am all for pointing out injustices and needs and then allowing people to step into their role to help these situations. The issue I am trying to separate from these examples is this: we shouldn’t try to use guilt as a tool to motivate people.
Several subliminal distorted messages can unwontedly occur when people act as a result of feeling guilty. 1. I am responsible for and can control someone else’s feelings through what I do. 2. The other person won’t feel better unless I act the way they want. 3. When you want to get someone to do something for you, it is OK to lay a guilt trip on them. 4. Decisions should be based on self-needs and emotions, not God’s truth, facts, and reasoning … probably the worst message. Unfortunately, these distorted messages subtly seep into many people’s everyday functioning and dramatically interfere with Godly decision-making.
Many pastors and priests try to whip their congregations into Christian action by delivering guilt-inducing sermons. Whether guilting someone to say the sinner’s prayer, give money, volunteer, or stop a certain behavior, the end does not justify the means. I have personally experienced these guilt-evoking messages. And unfortunately, they undermine the very foundation of grace and love that God wants to instill in a believer’s heart.
Today, take notice if you are feeling guilty about something, or if you are inducing guilt in someone else. Stop and examine why guilt is present. Let the guilt warn you a problem exists, but don’t let it be your decision-maker. Let reason and the Bible direct your heart and actions. Confess, repent, apologize, and ask forgiveness. You are responsible for your feelings and happiness; the other person is responsible for his own. Above all else, be mindful that God does not measure and judge you by the amount of good works you do; rather He looks into your heart. Your decision, choose well.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I do not want to be stressed out about not “doing enough” to be a good Christian. I know that You want me to relax in the assurance of Your perfect love. Today help me remember that You delight in me more than I can ever imagine, that You see me cloaked in Your light and presence … and that there is no condemnation for those cloaked in You. Help me daily, Lord, to come closer to having the Mind of Christ. Help me make decisions based on Your word, not my feelings. Help me feel convicted and guilty about my wrongs, but then look to You for forgiveness, and to Your word for guidance in doing right. I pray in the name of the One who knew no guilt ‘til He bore all mine, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest.
Isaiah 61:10
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Romans 8:1-2
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Stepping Stones: Are You Adequate Enough?
Transformational Thought
We all have weaknesses, issues, baggage, or shortcomings. But sometimes there is a false standard we develop that contributes to those insecure and inadequate feelings we harbor in our core. That’s why marketing and advertising strategies are so successful. Commercials point out our problems, sometimes with humorous exaggeration, and then tell us, actually sell us, what we need to feel adequate, satisfied, whole, healed, or better in all those areas we struggle.
Actually, we are all born with an accurate sense of our extreme inadequacy. Why? Because, we are separated from God and desperately need Him…in fact, we are designed to need Him. Our sin separates us from God and condemns us. But so many of us carry the constant burden of condemnation, even after accepting Christ’s victory over our sin. These feelings keep our heads down, smiles off our faces, and our lights dimly light. Does this describe you? Does it describe others you know?
These feelings come from a lifetime of arrows constantly launched at us. Some of those arrows come from those closest to us…words and glances of disapproval from parents, friends, spouses, or kids. We are not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough. Know that all those arrows originate from our ultimate and only true enemy, Satan. He’s the guy that hands out the arrows. He wants to capitalize on that original feeling of spiritual inadequacy, bankruptcy actually, and have us believe it will always hang around our neck and choke us. Satan is the one who wants us all to be in a constant state of feeling condemned.
Remember that those who shoot the arrows are so full of arrows themselves. (And admit that you too have been an archer). Remember that hurt people, hurt people. They aren’t your real enemy. But you and I and all those who are in Christ Jesus can be condemnation free from this moment onward. Scripture tells us clearly; “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Today, watch your words and actions. Don’t let Satan use you like a puppet to launch arrows at others. Guard your thoughts and words. Look to encourage and comfort first, then gently correct. If you are feeling condemned:
1. Repent by confessing your wrongdoing
2. Accept God’s forgiveness, and
3. Stop being so prideful thinking you need to add something to God’s power, grace, or Jesus’ death. Receive all His grace and forgiveness, believe it, and rejoice that our heavenly Father accepts us, the prodigal child, and can truly make us whole. Believe this good news and carry this message to those you know who suffer from inadequacy and condemnation.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I believe You have freed me from all condemnation through the death of Your Son on the cross for my sins. And while I do believe, I still struggle with feelings of condemnation…sometimes for no apparent, present reasons, but I know my past baggage rears its ugly head in subliminal ways. Open my eyes to issues I need to work on and apply Your instruction to. Father, I come to You with an open heart and with a thankful spirit. I ask that You help me experience the full freedom You have made possible for me. Thank You, Lord. I know that I need Your Spirit to help me, but I am unsure of how to fully engage His assistance. Show me the way, Lord. In the name of the most adequate, purifying blood of Jesus; and all God’s children say – AMEN!
The Truth
Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
He (the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies
John 8:44
I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants." And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.
And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate.
For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.
Luke 15:19-24
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Stepping Stones: Shoulda…Woulda…Coulda!
Transformational Thought
Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to a friend and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. They had a great time, and my wife was happy for them so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her, I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”
Striving for perfection, solely by human effort can be a frustrating endeavor. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving…
We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want.
When our focus, or even our need, is on human perfection, we will feel frustrated…and that frustration can build into resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourself. This attitude can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept…not a pretty picture.
Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judger?
We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get ourselves and everyone else in line with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we should do. We should follow Him.
Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true life.
Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect…by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the one I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it .
Matthew 16:24-25
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Stepping Stones: Too Shy To Call Your Bodyguard?
Transformational Tip
I grew up in a rough part of town, and all boys were clearly measured by their ability to fight…to be tough. I wasn’t that tough, but I had an older brother that was by far the toughest boy in town. So as Jamie’s brother, I was never measured by my physical weakness or limitations…I carried with me my big brother’s strength; for all knew to fight me was to ultimately fight my brother Jamie…and no one wanted to do that.
Some days I feel so limited, so inept…so clumsy. I’m sure you have days like this. On days like these remember that, thankfully, we need not be measured by our human limitations. We have a big brother, an advocate, a protector to step in and lend us His toughness and power.
As a kid, it wasn’t all about just me, because my brother was always there to protect me. Satan wants us to think it is all about us…depends on us…and nobody is there to help us. Depending or relying on any one else is really hard, especially for men. Self-sufficiency is what we’ve been brainwashed and trained to practice, and it does seem so reasonable to strive for. But putting my confidence in me, to meet my needs, solve everything and to soothe me, wow, what a set up for failure and loss.
So today, remember that it’s not about your human limitations…it’s about His strength, not yours. We have so much more than a tough brother in our corner…we have our Lord and God. Recall the times where He has protected you from the world or your own mistakes…like speeding, financial impulses, dating and sexual mistakes, words you wish you could have taken back. When you have some struggle today, put on the armor, trust in God’s power and promises and put your confidence in His track record, not yours.
Prayer
Dear God our Father, I take baby steps of faith, and based on this genuine faith, I am confident that You will show me what You can do. I want to know the excitement of seeing Your work in me. I am thankful for seeing Your work in this Stepping Stones community of believers. All glory to you, my Lord. Through faith, I receive Your Spirit. Give me Your Spirit today and everyday. Your Spirit empowers me to go beyond my human limitations…beyond my physical ability and strength…for without You I am so much weaker. I pray that I not measure my human limitations as I face the challenges and burdens before me. The issue is not my human limitations…the issue is Your Strength, not mine. I believe by walking closer to you, I can better understand and accomplish Your purpose with Your strength, not mine. I pray in the name of the One who is my Big Protector, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
And the apostles said unto the lord, Increase our faith. And the Lord said, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.”
Luke 17:5-6
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Stepping Stones: Guilt Trip To Nowhere
Transformational Thought
I often hear many mothers really use guilt to “motivate” their children. “If you love me, you would do your chores.” “I worked long and hard on this meal, so you better eat it.” Or others might say, “we’ll have to cancel the event…unless you help us.” “Look at these starving kids in Africa and all the food you throw away. Please send money.”
Guilt is an incredible motivator, but that’s not really the correct role and use of guilt. I am all for pointing out injustices and needs and then allowing people to step into their role to help these situations. The issue I am trying to separate from these examples is this, we shouldn’t try to use guilt as a tool to motivate people.
Several subliminal distorted messages can unwontedly occur when people are guilted into action. 1. I am responsible for and therefore can control someone else’s feelings, 2. The other person won’t feel better unless I act the way they want, 3. When you want to get someone to do something for you, it is OK to lay a guilt trip on them, and probably the worst distorted message, 4. Decisions should be based on self-needs and emotions, not facts and reasoning. Unfortunately, these messages subtly seep into many people’s everyday functioning.
Many pastors and priests try to whip their congregations into Christian action by delivering guilt inducing sermons. They try to get their people to “work harder”, but the end does not justify the means. I have personally experienced these guilt-evoking messages…they can unfortunately undermine the very foundation of grace in a believer’s heart.
Today, take notice if you are feeling guilty about something, or if you are inducing guilt in someone else. Stop and examine why. Examine the relationship that the guilt is part of. Let the guilt warn you a problem exists, but don’t let it be your decision-maker. Let reason and the Bible direct your heart and actions. Confess, repent, apologize, and ask forgiveness. You are responsible for your feelings and happiness; the other person is responsible for their own. Above all else, be mindful that God does not measure and judge you by the amount of good works you do; rather He looks into your heart.
Prayer
Dear Father God, I do not want to be stressed out about not “doing enough” to be a good Christian. I know that You want me to relax in the assurance of Your perfect love. Help me today remember that You delight in me more than I can ever imagine and that You see me cloaked in Your light and presence…and that there is no condemnation for those cloaked in You. Help me, Lord, to each day come closer to having the Mind of Christ. Help me make decisions based on Your word, not my feelings. Help me feel convicted and guilty about my wrongs, but then look to You for forgiveness and your word for guidance in doing right. I pray in the name of the One who knew no guilt till He bore all mine, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!
The Truth
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest.
Isaiah 61:10
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Romans 8:1-2
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