Stepping Stones: Shoulda…Woulda…Coulda!

Transformational Thought

Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to friends and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. The girls had a great time, and my wife was happy for them, so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”

Striving for perfection, solely by human effort, is a frustrating task. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving …

We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want and need them to do.

When our focus, or worse yet, our need, is human perfection, we will feel frustrated … and that frustration usually leads to guilt or resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourselves. This mind-set can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept … not a pretty picture.

You see, taking stock of our shortcomings is important and necessary, but we have to look at our goal and how are we going to use that data. If we are objective and use it to move forward, get better at life, and give hope to the future, then that’s great. If we are using the data to beat ourselves up, hold ourselves back, become fearful of trying again, and sucking hope from the future, well that’s the trap we often fall into. Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judge?

We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get everyone else in line ourselves … with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we ought to do. We should follow Him and work toward the Mind and Actions of Christ.

Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and are becoming an idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises that if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true, refreshing, and everlasting life.

Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect … by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the One I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.”
Matthew 16:24-25

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9