Stepping Stones: Give Me What I Want

May 4, 2012

Give Me What I Want

Transformational Thought

Jesus taught the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. This young man really showed us the classic mentality guiding decision-making that is still prevalent in all our lives today: “I don’t need authority or rules because it’s all about what I need and want … now!” ‘Fess up! We’ve all been there, even in our adult life.

Deciding to set out on his own, he arrogantly, disrespectfully, and selfishly asked his father for his inheritance. Off he went. He proceeded to make more bad choices, squandering his money on wild living. Eventually, the money was gone and he hit rock bottom, feeding another man’s livestock. Even worse, he was so hungry, even the food he was feeding the pigs looked good. He thought of home … even his father’s servants were eating better than he was.

“I think I’ll return home and become one of my father’s servants”, he thought. “I don’t deserve more than that, but I believe he’ll hire me.” Several good decisions happened here: to admit his error, to stop blaming others, and most importantly, to face up to and take responsibility for his actions.

When he approached his home, the young man’s father was actually out waiting for him. When he saw his lost son coming home, he ran out to meet him with open arms, killed the fattest calf, and celebrated his son’s homecoming with a huge party. This powerful message reveals God’s incredible yearning to be with us and to shower us with amazing love and limitless forgiveness.

Don’t we often ask God for our inheritance, meaning our salvation and other spiritual assets, and then say, “Thanks, but I don’t need you anymore? I’m off to satisfy my needs, my way, on my timeline, with no regard for my future growth?” Like the prodigal’s father, God gives us free will. He hopes we choose to follow His instruction, but He is always waiting with forgiveness and open arms when we come to our senses.

Have you made some bad decisions, wandered off and squandered your inheritance, gifts, talents, blessings, and opportunities to do good … felt that your way was better than God’s? We all have, but don’t continue to wallow in the pig slop of your wrong decisions. Return to Him. Enjoy the contentment and celebration of letting Him be your Teacher, Counselor, Coach, Lord, and most importantly, your Father who sacrificed His own Son to adopt you.

Today, many opportunities exist to run with your inheritance and do life on your own. When you get that urge, STOP! Examine the costs. Sleep on it and run it by another person the next day. Pray, asking God for wisdom. Make the right choice to follow the stepping-stones to your Heavenly Father and submit to His authority and guidance. Make good decisions, because you either live with their consequences, or get to reap the rewards of poor ones

. Life is your choice, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I’ve made so many mistakes. I know many of the things I’ve done have not pleased You, but I thank You for this assurance of Your love and forgiveness. Please forgive me and take me into Your loving arms. I need You Father…I need more of You. Sometimes the grass looks greener, but I know shortcuts are never worth it. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the one who opened His arms on the cross for me, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.

Luke 15:20

Stepping Stones: Forgiveness: An Act of Service

April 9, 2012

Transformational Thought

In some ways, forgiveness is so simple and in other respects so complicated. And that’s true whether we are trying to forgive ourselves or a person who has hurt us. As you probably have realized, we often address forgiveness in our devotionals, and that’s for one important reason: IT IS SO HARD TO DO! Like most psychological activities, forgiveness is a skill; nobody is born good at it. Learn it the right way, then practice, practice, practice. , and you will get much better at it.

Forgiveness is one of the most important choices to act on after receiving eternal life through Christ’s death on the Cross. Why? Extending forgiveness to those who have wronged us acknowledges our understanding of God and His forgiveness of us. To have a relationship with God and live in Heaven with Him we need God’s forgiveness for our sins. We then need to live in that forgiveness and forgive ourselves. That’s easier said than done, if you really analyze your view of yourself and some of your motivations.

Jesus came to die for us so we can live in an intimate and incredible relationship with God … an Abundant Life … liberated from sin and Satan. God created us to do good works and to be shining lights. We can’t become all God designed us to be if we harbor resentment and bitterness towards others or ourselves. It is vital that we make the choice, yes, a decision, to forgive and, if possible, to reconcile with the person who has hurt us.

The first step towards reconciliation begins with your thoughts. One of several areas to think about is the other person’s needs rather than their faults. How can you serve that person and God by forgiving him or her? Then begin to think well of that person and speak well of him or her to someone close to you, drawing attention to strengths and needs, rather than offenses. Next take action … begin to seek reconciliation. And read some of our past devotionals on forgiveness.

You might be in a difficult situation in which the other party is not willing to reconcile. If this is the case, make sure you have forgiven in your own heart. Then keep yourself ready to pursue further reconciliation, if and when the other person is ready.

Today, ask God to open your eyes, using spiritual lenses to see the other person’s needs and issues. Wait on God’s timing for the individual to join in total reconciliation. It may not be safe to be physically reconciled with some people. Don’t try to force it … let God work it out in His way and time. You are responsible for your heart and your part, not the other person’s. Above all, remember that Jesus loves you, and He will give you the strength and courage you need … abundantly. Forgiveness is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, in all my relationships, help me dwell on things worthy of praise, not things to curse. And especially help me to do this when I think or speak about the one who has offended me. May I walk in forgiveness and be open to reconciliation in Your way and in Your time. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One died for my forgiveness so I can extend it to others; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious … the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.
Philippians 4:8

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.
Romans 3:23-24

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of a sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.
Galatians 5:16-17

Stepping Stones: Are You A Judas or a Peter?

April 7, 2012

Transformational Thought

Knowing the outcome always alleviates the drama, uncertainty, anxiety, and fear that accompany a tense situation. The saying, “hindsight is 20:20” echoes this principle. Because we know the outcome of the events of the Bible, it is easy to “predict” how we would have responded in some of those tense situations. Well, 2000 years ago, during the time between Christ's crucifixion and resurrection (sorry to spoil the surprise), the disciples must have had all kinds of feelings swirling inside. They were in disarray, discouraged, bewildered, and even afraid for their lives.

The two most affected, I think, would have been Judas, who betrayed Jesus for a little bit of money, and "ever faithful" Peter, who actually denied Jesus 3 times. Jesus even warned Peter. But in disbelief, Peter said he wouldn't ever deny Christ and that he would lay down his life for Jesus before ever denying Him.

Both Judas and Peter screwed up big time and rejected Christ, but then they had to make a major DECISION. They could receive God's forgiveness, love, and victory over sin, and then put their trust in Him and in His Son who died for them, and rejoice. Or they could let sin defeat them, wallow in guilt, self pity, and misery, and even kill themselves.

Judas relied on his own abilities and resources. Realizing how flawed and impotent those were to deal with his actions, he decided to kill himself. Peter relied on God's abilities and resources. Realizing how perfect and omnipotent they were to deal with his actions, he chose to follow God, glorify Him, and live a victorious life.

We face this decision regularly. We are sinners and we sin a bunch, rejecting or betraying Jesus when we choose a “my will be done” mentality instead of a “thy will be done” mindset ... when reject or deny Him as we choose a different love.

Today, choose to side with our victorious Savior, and don't be faked out by Satan who wants you to believe your situation is bleak, your actions are irreparable, and Jesus is not victorious.
Judas killed himself ... Peter became the rock of the early church that revolutionized the world. What will you decide? If you choose to act like Peter, don't let your decision be once and done. Make it an intentional, daily decision. Achieving your God-given potential and getting the love, joy and peace you strive for depends on your daily discipline to follow Him in mind and action. Your life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
O gracious Father, I confess that even though I have You on the throne of my heart and mind intellectually, in reality, I often reject Your Lordship and put my selfish desires, agendas, and need for comfort on the throne of my heart. Thank You so much for the unconditional forgiveness that You extend to me, even when I reject you big-time, or for a long time. Like the incredible father who received his prodigal son, You open Your arms to me every time I return. Then You throw a feast and bless me beyond my dreams. I ask you to energize me with Your amazing greatness and goodness. Grow me to be as gracious to others as You have been to me. I pray in the name of the One who stood up for me, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, "Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times." And he went out and wept bitterly.
Luke 22:61,62
Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who are elect exiles of the dispersion in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and for sprinkling with his blood: May grace and peace be multiplied to you. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.
1 Peter 1:1-3

Then when Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood." They said, "What is that to us? See to it yourself." And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself.
Matthew 27:3-5

Stepping Stones: Become a Living Sacrifice, It’s Easier Than You Think

March 26, 2012

Transformational Thought

Through the years, before Jesus died on the cross, God called the Israelites to offer animals as sacrifices for their sin. Sacrifice was a symbol for the coming Jesus who would one day die for our sins. Sacrifice also showed the people they needed to be obedient to God and His instructions. The act of sacrifice acknowledged God as the holy ruler of everything. Because sacrifices were offered at regular time intervals, they also provided a way for God’s people to develop some spiritual disciplines.

Then Jesus came and gave his own life on the cross to pay the ultimate everlasting sacrifice for our sins. Just before He died, Jesus said, “It is finished.” He died for all sins … past, present, and future. We no longer have to offer sacrifices to pay for our sins. When we accept Jesus as our Savior and make him Lord of our lives, our sins are transferred to Jesus’ account and are forgiven. PAID IN FULL! The really cool bonus is that Jesus’ righteousness, His perfection, is credited to our account.

But you see, we are called to be a living sacrifice. We die to ourselves and surrender our lives to Him. He wants us to turn the control of our minds and bodies over to His care. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done; not my kingdom come, my will be done. He views the total submission of our lives to His control as our ultimate act, our living sacrifice. Paul calls it our spiritual worship.

A living sacrifice sounds so formal and daunting. But a living sacrifice is simply committing your body, that is your actions, conduct or behavior to God. What are your actions? Actions are just the final step of your heart, attitude, viewpoint, and values. All this together, including the end action (which can be an internal one that nobody sees, or an external one that others do see) is the decision-making process. The reason I pound away at the importance of decision-making, is that it is spiritual worship. Godly decisions are an awesome form of worship. Garbage decisions occur when you worship yourself or something other than God.

Most of us like to feel in control. The thought of turning control over to someone else, even a loving and caring God, might seem frightening, risky, or just unappealing. What we need to remember is that God is a merciful and compassionate God. He wants what is best for us … and only He knows what that really is. He is all-knowing and all-powerful. We aren’t. How much better to submit to His control and trust His plan than to stick to an attitude that declares, “I can do it myself.”

Today, are you struggling with a temptation … a problem … a challenge area in your life? Sacrifice your agenda for God’s. Why not? Look what your way has gotten you. Apply God’s agenda for one week; really practice it daily. Ask others for their prayer, encouragement and accountability in this quest. See the power of God when you submit completely to His plan. Be a Godly living sacrifice. Remember, spiritual worship is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Holy God, I thank You for Jesus. I thank You that through Him, my sins are forgiven. I have committed my life to You and claim to make You Lord of every area of my life. But so many times I try to take control again. I know this shows a lack of trust in You. Please forgive me. May my body … all that I am … be a living sacrifice to You. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who was the ultimate sacrifice, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say – AMEN

The Truth

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12:1,2

Stepping Stones: Facing the Truth

March 23, 2012

Transformational Thought

Forgiveness requires that we face the truth: the truth that it was necessary for Christ to die to pay the price tag for our sins; the truth of our own sinful behavior and desperate need; the truth that if we are ever to be free, we must receive Christ's forgiveness; the truth that we need to extend the powerful gift of grace to others and forgive those who have hurt us.

In order to experience true freedom in Christ, we must forgive those who have caused us harm or disappointment … even when that means forgiving ourselves.

All of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. But when we confess our sin to Him, God treats us much better than we deserve. And because of Christ Jesus, He freely accepts us back and sets us free from the grip of sin. How can we do less? Are we more powerful than God? Do we have a higher standard than God? Are we more upset about sin than God is?

We have both the reason and responsibility to forgive others because we are forgiven by the Lord. Forgiveness is a choice we make. When we forgive, it shows that we understand who we are, who God is, and what He really did for us on the cross.

Sometimes it is hard to let go. In fact, when we have been deeply hurt, it may not be possible to forgive … on our own. But it is important to remember that we don't have to do it alone. With Him as our model and source of power, and having accepted His forgiveness, we can then forgive others. We can actually enjoy the freedom and blessing God has for us by forgiving them and freeing ourselves from the power they had over us before we extended forgiveness.

Our goal should be to glorify God, not to glorify ourselves. But glorifying ourselves is actually what we do when we prioritize our pride, hurt, bitterness, revenge, spite, and other feelings above God. Shift your focus to His love and power. It will be the best lenses you can wear.

Today, identify a relationship in which you need to reach out and forgive. If you are struggling to forgive that person, ask Jesus to help You. Then look at whether you really understand and have accepted who you are, the sins you have committed, what you did to deserve God’s forgiveness, and whether you realize the unfair pain and sacrifice Jesus endured for you. Hopefully, the gift of forgiveness you received will help empower you to offer the same forgiveness to others. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I've kept these feelings of resentment and unforgiveness buried much too long. I know I didn’t deserve Your forgiveness of me. Help me understand why I should offer forgiveness readily to others. Help me to face the truth. Thank You for Your mercy and forgiveness. Help me to show the same to others, even those who have hurt me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One to who paid for all my sins, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Romans 3:23-24

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
John 8:32

Stepping Stones: Accomplishments and Failures…or Jesus?

February 16, 2012

Transformational Thought

We all have done things we wish we could take back. Maybe we've lived a sinful lifestyle, been selfish and unkind, made parenting mistakes, said hurtful things to a loved one, or just experienced a lot of failure in life. Maybe we still struggle with relationships, anxieties, guilt, shame, and “what ifs”. On the other hand, maybe we've lived a pretty good life and achieved a high level of success. We really like being defined by that. We like feeling good about what we've done. We are energized by the praise and admiration of others. Maybe we really love helping others.

But you know what? Our accomplishments aren't really that impressive to God. He sees our hearts. He knows that they are not always pure. Praise God that He doesn't define us by what we've done … regardless of how good or bad it’s been. He judges us by whether we accept what Christ did for us. He knows that we need Jesus. And we need to know that too.

He died on the cross so that the penalty for sin could be paid and our sins could be forgiven. And when we believe and accept the sacrifice he made for us, we are cleansed. Then God sees us as though we have never sinned! And that's our new identity … a follower of Christ, clothed in His righteousness.

You see, we know we have made mistakes, but since we’ve done a bunch of good things, and we can do more, we underestimate the big gap between us and HOLY. We can never, no matter how hard and long we try, absolutely never make up the gap between ourselves and God.

We can't do enough to earn our way … that's why we need Jesus. We are defined not by our accomplishments or failures, but by who we are in Christ. All the accomplishments in the world don't mean a thing when it comes to getting right with God and spending eternity with Him.

Today, if you are not a fully committed follower of Christ, you can make that decision right now. No matter what your past … no matter how good or bad your behavior ... you need Jesus. He loves you and is reaching out to you right now. Do you want to meet Him? Just tell Him that you know you need Him ... and that you want to follow Him. Why wouldn’t you want Jesus in your life? He is ready ... are you? Your decision, and this is THE big one, so choose well.

If you are a Christian, rejoice as you did the day you accepted Jesus in your life as your personal Savior. Send this to someone you love who needs Jesus, and follow it with a phone call to discuss this blessing. Then decide to make Him the Lord of your life as well.

Prayer
My Father and my Lord, I believe that Your Son died for my sins. Please forgive me for all my past. I'm ready for a change. I want to follow You ... and do life Your way. I know that I cannot undo my past through my own accomplishments. Thanks for sending Your Son to pay the ultimate price, to pay my penalty for me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who died so that I may have eternity with the only God, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.
Romans 3:23-24

Stepping Stones: Mixed Super Bowl Memories

February 4-5, 2012

Transformational Thought

I’m a Steelers’ fan … born in the Pittsburgh area … so Super Bowls in the 70’s, my teen years, were unbelievable events as my beloved Steel Curtain smashed their way to an unprecedented 4 championships in 6 years. Teamwork, sacrifice, perseverance, commitment, intentionality, practice, heroes, legends, invincibility, power, role models. I learned so much through those fun Super Bowl Sundays.

For a while though, Super Bowl Sunday also conjured up some terrible memories. You see, from late high school through college and into medical school, I made a lot of poor choices leading to many issues including a significant alcohol addiction. My worst memory ever: January 25, 1987, Super Bowl Sunday … middle of medical school, an awesome future ahead of me. It started off at a party with a bunch of med school friends. Through a series of progressively stupider decisions … consuming lots of alcohol, winning $600, more “celebrating” at a strip bar, driving drunk (after a severe snow and ice storm), 6 counts of aggravated assault, a cut, bruised and battered body … I ended up in a Newark jail. Could’ve gotten killed, or worse, killed others, several times that evening.

Jail … it was what I needed at that time to protect me from myself, Satan, and the world … it was the best place to think. And God really spoke to me. I finally listened and decided that life according to my instruction book … my kingdom come, my will be done mentality … wasn’t working. My hole kept getting deeper and deeper over a 10-year stretch. I finally understood what Jesus did for me, and what God wanted to do in my life … transform me and bless me with an abundant life by fulfilling all my needs. I started to really know, love, and delight in my Lord. I finally decided to make Him not just Savior, but also Lord of my life.

Well, it took me several years to sort it out and really appreciate that day, and now I look back and thank God so much for what He has done for and through me. My terrible memories of that one Super Bowl Sunday have been wiped clean with the blood of Christ. What He has blessed me with since then … spiritual growth, a loving wife, my girls, friends, profession, ministry, coworkers, experiences, has been beyond my wildest dreams, especially compared to being in jail facing felony charges. (Not wanting to test God, I always make sure I am in a safe place Super Sunday.)

Today, realize that each decision, regardless of how big or small it is, has definite ripples. Are you measuring the ripple effect? Second, if you are experiencing difficulties, hope is in the Lord, not in your efforts or abilities. Third, if you have done some terrible things in the past, God will forgive and help you move forward, using even those events in powerful ways to impact you, others, and His kingdom. Lastly, after accepting Christ as your personal Savior, make the defining decision of your life on Earth to let Him be the Lord of your life. That’s when life really comes alive and makes sense as it pushes you to connect fully with Him. Life is your decision, so choose well. And enjoy the game.

Prayer
Dear Father God, You, Your love, and grace are truly amazing. I thank You for not leaving me even though I left You many times. Thanks for landing me in jail, so I finally could block out all the distractions of life and meet You and listen to what You had been trying to tell me for many years. Thanks for the tremendous opportunity to serve You and for Your willingness to use me in Your service … it is truly humbling. I pray this in the name of the One I delight in, Jesus Christ; And all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.
Psalm 37:4

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:1-2

Stepping Stones: What Do I Do? Try “Care-Fronting”

January 18, 2012

Transformational Thought

Every month, our incredibly compassionate and expert Care Guides take 600 calls on our National Addiction and Mental Health Helpline. We guide callers through the complex healthcare system and connect them to the best treatment options that will address all 3 spheres for their situations. Half of our calls are from the patients themselves, but the other half are from loved ones, mainly parents or spouses of the struggling individual. The loved ones need help knowing what to do. Do they walk on eggshells, try to make nicey-nice to minimize the stress and hopefully lessen dysfunction, or do they confront and risk a blow out and more dysfunction?

Issues that strongly impact life often turn into to life-taking addictions … to a substance, or a certain feeling or thinking pattern. Callers are trying to avoid the guilt they will feel from making the wrong choice if their loved one dies from suicide, overdose, or an accident from their disorder. Talking with a friend or loved one with a life-impacting problem can be like talking to a brick wall. But that wall can be broken down … brick by brick.

Does someone you love struggle with a life-interfering mindset, emotion, or behavior? When you try to talk to them about it, do your words seem to bounce back at you, as though they've hit a brick wall? Try this: picture a man behind a brick wall, becoming trapped as he continues to lay brick, building the wall higher and higher. In his mind, each brick is a way to defend himself … but in reality the wall is trapping him, not defending him. Denial has blinded this loved one to his real condition.

In his book Caring Enough to Confront, David Augsburger uses the term "care-fronting." This is a communication technique that combines love and caring with confrontation. Caring confrontation can chip away bit by bit at the wall of delusion that hides reality from your loved ones … the reality of the reason they are spiraling, and the reality that an answer does exist to turn the spiral in the other direction. When you are able to get rid of anger and replace it with caring, confronting your loved one with the truth can actually be the most loving thing you can do directly to them.

A dear friend, Connie, told me how she "care-fronted." Early in her marriage she was experiencing a marital situation that she knew could become volatile if she confronted her husband. She devised a technique that always worked. She would craft a loving letter, detailing the issue and its effect on her and the marriage, and leave it on the pillow. When he came home from the office, it was his custom to go upstairs to change his clothes. He would see it and read it in private and take it all in. He always thanked her "for the very good letter" and then worked on solutions for the situation.

The bridges through the wall are made of care and are really derived from a growing relationship with God first. From there we can shine His love and care onto our struggling loved one. As God grows in us, His forgiveness of us will melt the hurt we feel from our loved one and allow us to see that loved one through Godly lenses so that real care and real love can flow from us to them.

Today, make a commitment to confront your loved ones, to speak the truth in love … not in anger or condemnation … in order to help them tear down their walls of defense, brick by brick, until they are able to see themselves as they really are … someone made in God’s image, someone God loves and sent His son to die for. God wants to use us to deliver that message, first modeling it, and then saying it. God doesn’t give up on you … don’t give up on others. Your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear God, Lord, help me be more honest with myself and with those I care about so much. Help me look beyond their faults to their needs … and then to express the reality of the situation to them … in love. Tune me into Your Holy Spirit’s guidance so that I may speak as Christ would speak. I pray that love for You and them will make me tell the truth. I pray this in the name of the One who crushed my wall so I could be freed, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Ephesians 4:15

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.
Proverbs 12:16

Stepping Stones: On Your Life Journey, Unpacking is Necessary

December 21, 2011

Transformational Tip

Well Christmas is rapidly approaching, and for many that means a road trip, congested airports, weather delays, holding patterns, sleeping in odd beds, and rushing between relatives. One part of travel that I enjoy is packing. Quick, efficient, taking only what I really need. I am good with wearing the same clothes several consecutive days without problem. My girls are really efficient as well. Some other people, I won’t mention who she is, really have trouble getting rid of the excess baggage, no matter how short and simple the trip!

Extra baggage on a trip weighs us down but at least it isn’t harmful. But when it comes to our minds and hearts, it’s amazing how much extra toxic baggage we voluntarily choose to keep jammed in our hidden compartments. Try as I may, I find that the brokenness and sin of my past is like huge stone hanging around my neck. Carrying that stone brings guilt, shame and weakness. I know and believe I have been forgiven, but I struggle with laying that stone down and walking away from it.

Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive guilt and anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness and hope for a transforming future. Trusting God’s forgiveness is a big and difficult stretch for most, myself included. It takes time to receive God’s forgiveness … to absorb the full depth and power of it … allowing it to seep into those hidden compartments.

For me, I had to work up to this huge step of trust by practicing, implementing, and applying trust in much smaller areas of life and in my relationship with God. Trusting Him when … there is an illness … a flat tire … a change of plans … someone else is in charge … a deadline is moved … a random expense comes into the mix … protection for my children is needed … I don’t feel loved or valued. Like any skill, starting small, practicing, then stretching it, can lead to powerful skills. Trust is the same way. Trusting in His power of forgiveness is one of the richest skills you can develop. Unpack some baggage, but pull it out of your heart with the loving hand of Jesus Christ. This is why He came to earth, to set us free from our baggage and the stone of sin.

Today, leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into your invincible future with Him. Start by trusting Him, His agenda, promises, character, and instruction in 5 separate situations today. You already do this at times, but learn that it is trusting in God so you can grow this skill and finally be free from your past. WITHIN REACH is designed to specifically help you properly unpack your toxic baggage. Your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I can easily become paralyzed with shame, guilt, and fear over my past. I have hurt You … and I know I have hurt others. I am so thankful for Your promise of forgiveness – Thank You, Lord. I ask You, Father, to help me lay down this heavy stone of my past that I have been carrying. Let me remember and be accountable for my past brokenness and sin … but let it not keep me from moving toward You with freedom. I pray in the name of the One whom You sent to remove my toxic baggage, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard.
Isaiah 52:12

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.
Jeremiah 33:8

Stepping Stones: Failures: Let God In More

Transformational Thought

The legendary basketball coach at UCLA and incredibly mature Christian, John Wooden, is known for his motivational quotes. One of my favorite Wooden quotes is, "Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be."

Failures in my life have led to long periods of paralysis … of doing nothing. I felt and acted as if I was defeated by my disasters. Obviously, failures can have consequences and make an adverse impact on our lives. But their biggest and most harmful aspect is their propensity to distort our lenses if we aren’t diligent to process failures properly and accurately.

But on the positive side, when I look back on most of those mistakes, I see that they created great opportunities for growth and led to positive change in my life. In fact, my life has really taken off since I learned how to view failures in a way that allows me to look deeper in my heart, to seek God and His instruction more, and to apply what He is teaching me.

Have you learned from your failures? Or have you let your failures defeat you? Since nobody is perfect, we all experience failure. But God wants you to trust, learn, and try again with more of His help and less of your understanding. When we fail, we often look at it as the last step in a situation. Instead, it is just one of many steps in a long process of growth. It is part of the refining process, letting us know where we need to work and especially where God wants us to invite Him in to help us.

Our need for immediate positive results and affirmation often prematurely push us to overly catastrophize a less-than-ideal outcome. Then our pride and lack of humility interfere with a willingness to seek help from a Higher Authority. Where has this gotten you? Don’t you think it is time to change this strategy?

Today, assess areas where feelings of failure leak into your heart. Ask God in, reflect about what you need to work on, seek God’s instruction, be open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Most of all, don’t make that area of struggle more important than your relationship with God. See yourself through His lenses, as one of His very own children, covered with the blood of Christ. Don’t let failure continue to defeat you. As a Christian, your war is won, failure isn’t even a possibility. We do have daily battles and He will equip us for victory if we let Him. Your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, You know, Father, I have a string of failures … and I continue to fail each time I sin against you. I thank You, Father, for sending other believers to me to serve as guides and teachers. Thank You especially for Your Holy Spirit that empowers and guides me. Help me, Father, to learn from each failure. I thank You for picking me up when I fall, and for sending Jesus Christ at my most fallen state, to forgive my sins. I pray this in the name of the One whom You sent to give me and all believers victory, Jesus Christ; And all God’s Children say - AMEN!

The Truth
but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:57

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:8,9

Stepping Stones: The Cost of Free Money

Transformational Thought
If you found $5 on a deserted street, no one to give it back to, I bet you would pocket it. I know I would. But if you saw that money falling from someone’s pocket, would you respond the same way? Here’s another scenario. I had a phone call from my credit card company this week. A large purchase I made wasn’t processed correctly. I was told to return to the store, present my receipt, and pay for the items “again”.

I did just that and the sales clerks started thanking me profusely. They were amazed and said they had never experienced anything like this – ever. The store had no idea the problem had occurred. They wondered why anyone would come back and pay for items that they could vae kept for free. Good question.

Please know I’m not sharing this to blow my own horn. I share it as a reminder that situations like this are opportunities to impact the world, and more specifically to be salt and light in other people’s everyday lives. Since they asked me, instead of giving the “aw shucks, anybody would have done it, it’s just the right thing to do” line, I had a chance to tell them the reasons for my choice: the Bible says don’t steal, and I want to follow God’s commandments. I trust God to take care of all my needs, and that includes financial ones. If I steal, I’m telling God He’s not very good at His job, and I know how to do His job better than He does.

Satan will sabotage us at every opportunity if we let him. He’ll tell us we don’t need to take responsibility for a mistake, that we deserve a free ride, that no one will ever know, that this makes up for the times we got ‘cheated,’ or even that God has forgotten about us and our needs. We get to choose whether to take home stationery supplies from work, to copy music and movies illegally, to use pirated software, to pocket a pack of gum, or to keep library books. The heart of each decision we make is to worship and bring glory to God - or not.

Today, take a look at the little things that are part of your life. Do areas exist where you are trusting in yourself and not God to meet your needs? You know, cheating? Hopefully, you’ve learned to make better choices, walking what you’re preaching and expecting from others. But if not, are you willing to admit to making a poor choice? Will you confess, and un-do some choices? Remember that the God who loves you is the God who forgives you. He promises to supply all your needs. His promises are good and trustworthy; they never fail. Your decision, choose well. WITHIN REACH is a great resource to help you apply God’s promises to your daily decisions.

Prayer
Dear God, You know me well. You know it’s sometimes hard for me to talk about you to others. Any boldness I have really does come from the Holy Spirit. Without Your Spirit in me, I would be unable to share who You are and what You’ve done for me. With Your help I’m learning. So I thank You for teaching and encouraging me. Please give me more opportunities to talk about You. I want to make You the biggest and best thing in my life. I pray in the name of Jesus, who was all about bringing glory to You. And all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Give glory to the LORD. In the lands beyond the sea, praise the name of the LORD, the God of Israel.
Isaiah 24:15

Praise him for his mighty works; praise his unequaled greatness!
Psalm 150: 2

I wash my hands in innocence, and go about your altar, O Lord, proclaiming aloud your praise and telling of all your wonderful deeds.
Psalm 26:6-7

Stepping Stones: Love Him 100%…Then Exercise Free Will

Transformational Thought

My mother was a great teacher of many things. Piano, Easter egg decorating the Ukranian way, knitting, music, cooking, and negotiating the lowest price with any salesperson. But she was also a great Bible teacher for her children and all those around her. She would simplify complex concepts for us. When it came to the question of obedience to God vs. our independence and “free-will”, we would often go round and round. Even now, with my daughters and nieces, the issues of tattoos, length and cut of dresses and skirts, piercings, watching movies, college decisions, all lead to some controversy.

We talk a lot about Obedience vs. Relationship, because so many people struggle with these concepts, which sometimes seem mutually exclusive or contradictory. One way to sum it up is “Just love God with all you have … then do whatever you want. For if you truly love God, you will do nothing to hurt Him.”

As I read today’s scripture the order seems pretty clear. Love God, then we will obey Him. Our Lord never insists on obedience for eternal life. In fact, he stresses relationship. He pursues us across the multiverse, desiring fellowship and union with us even when we are disobedient, in fact, because we were disobedient. He even died for us to provide reconciliation, restoration and relationship, not to make us obedient.

If He wanted to motivate obedience, He would offer heaven only to the obedient, or threaten to send the disobedient to hell, or give you extreme consequences every time you disobey. God does none of these. Instead, He rewards us based on the status of our relationship … where we are on the relationship growth curve with Him.

God very clearly stresses what we ought to do, but He never forces us to do it. We find, and He desires, that we will obey Him out of love for Him and the knowledge that what He instructs us to do is actually the best thing for us to do … period. Notice that when Jesus spoke about discipleship, He prefaced it with an "If," clearly telling us we have a choice. When we are in relationship with Him and really love Him, we will obey. If we are truly wise, we will follow His guidance … if we really want comfort, we will trust His direction.

Today, focus on growing your love for God. Focus less on the do’s and don’ts and more on simply getting to know God and all He has done for you. You can’t help but love Him and then want to please Him, just as we are motivated to do for any one we love. When you have a choice, ask yourself, “Why am a choosing this option?” Hopefully, you answer, “Because I love God,” not “Because I need to do what is right.” For if you truly love Him, you will be less prone to do anything to hurt Him. Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I thank You, Father, for the freedom to choose. I thank You, Father, for the clarity of the messages from Your Son, Jesus. Help me, Father, to grow my relationship and love for You … and then let that love guide all my decisions and actions. I pray, Father, that You protect me from all evil influences that may impact my decisions. I pray in the name of my savior and model, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
"If you love me, you will obey what I command.”
John 14:15

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23

Stepping Stones: Trick or Treat, For All The Marbles

Transformational Thought

Trick or Treat? What does that mean? As a kid, I never really understood what that actually meant. I was the one saying “trick or treat”, but was I asking them whether they wanted a trick or a treat from me? Was I asking the house owner to choose whether they would trick me or give me candy? Was I offering to perform a trick for them so they would give me candy based on how good my trick was? Was I to do a trick for my treat, like a dog? Who really was supposed to be doing the trick? Was I supposed to give them a treat from my bag if they didn’t like my trick? I hoped I was the one getting a treat, but why was I asking the adult, “Trick or Treat?”

As I went from house to house, in my pursuit of the perfect blend of Reese’s, Sweet-Tarts, real coins, a big candy bar, or the grandest house of them all, put in my hand and choose for myself, were they giving me a choice to accept a trick or treat from them? Nobody could ever explain it to me. It seemed like the person answering the door was giving me a treat and no tricks were happening. Confusing!

Halloween is about pretending to be someone you’re not. Then a stranger gives you a small “fun” size treat, a cheap imitation of the real king size candy bar you are longing for. Or like Charlie Brown’s letdown when he realizes, “I got a rock.” Isn’t this just like Satan’s plan? In the real story, God wants us to come with no costume, no hiding behind a mask, just baring our soul to Him. We don’t have to be nervous about a trick or treat, or who is doing which one. We don’t need to be frightened as we approach His door. In fact, He comes to our door. God isn’t a stranger we only see once a year, but our loving and dear Father and friend who loves us more than anything. He has all the treats, and we don’t need to perform any tricks, other than accepting His son’s sacrifice for all our sins.

Best of all, our hearts aren’t filled with cheap imitations of the real treat. We are getting the King of Kings to come into our heart, our lives, and sharing His royal inheritance. All He has is ours. The best thing is the cost … it requires no trick from us. In fact, Jesus did the trick. He died on the cross so you can enjoy all the treats His Father, your Father, can infinitely give you above and beyond your heart’s desires.

Today, Halloween is controversial. But as you think back on past Halloweens, or take your kids around for fun and candy, or give out candy to other excited kids, be thankful for the treat your Father gave you. Express some real gratitude to God and be gleeful, just like a child finding a dream candy bar in the bag. Also, take time to think of who needs this treat and show them how to go “trick or treating” for all the marbles.

Prayer
Dear Father God, you are so amazing. I am so glad I don’t have to pretend to be someone else with you. Just as I am you shower me with so many treats. Help me see and appreciate the many treats you bring into my life everyday, treats that I often overlook, take for granted, or feel entitled to. Give me courage to share with others the treats you have for them too. I pray in the name of the grandest gift, Christ Jesus, and all God’s children said, – AMEN!

The Truth
He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.
Micah 7:19

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1

Stepping Stones: Forever: Where Will You Live?

Transformational Thought

Lately, many people seem to be dying prematurely. Whether from suicide, accidental overdose drug addiction, car accidents, or the all-too-frequent cancer victim. So many funerals … almost daily. If you believe what people say at funerals, no one ever goes to Hell. I’ve never heard anyone give a eulogy and say, “My father did many nice things, but was a handful to deal with and he will spend eternity in Hell. Where will you go? Will you live forever in Hell with my dad, or go to heaven when you die? ”

Really, that is the “for all the marbles” question. Have you ever really thought about eternity? I’ve been thinking about it ever since I was a kid and realized people actually die and leave this earth.

Many times we hear Christians talk about life on earth compared to eternity. They’ll say “it’s as quick as the blink of an eye.” While our time on earth is certainly short and fast compared to eternity, how we spend that time determines how we will spend our eternity. Yes, our time on earth is very important and is just a small stepping-stone on the path to our final intended destination, eternity.

When we don’t know Jesus, we make choices as if this life is all we have. In reality, this life is just the introduction to the biggest part of life, eternity. And how we live this brief span will actually determine our eternal state and destination. What we accumulate in this life (material things) has no value in purchasing eternal life.

Try viewing all that happens from an eternal perspective. You should find both your values and your decisions changing. If you aren’t a believer in Jesus as your Savior, you got the biggest, most life altering decision to make, the one that affects where and how you spend eternity. If you do believe in Christ as your Savior, you will be in heaven for eternity. How amazingly awesome, yet sometimes impossible for me to fathom.

However, is how you live life now helping others realize the ultimate eternity-determining decision they need to make? Sure, you might be a good person. But are your daily activities simply making this earthly life more comfortable for you … or are you out there in action and word, sharing the good news with others to affect their eternal destinations?

Today, don’t just accept Jesus as your personal Savior, but make Him the Lord of your life, of all you do and every decision you make. This is what we are called to do. God has put people in your life, today, for you to build deeper relationships, and see changes in your life when you make Jesus the Lord of your life. Be a Lighthouse! Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I come to You to praise and give You glory. I come to You confessing that I do not have the eternal perspective that I want to have or should have. I thank You for my salvation and for those You brought into my life who spoke to me about eternal things. I know Your Holy Spirit changes hearts and opens eyes. And I also know You want to use me … that I have a role to play in securing eternity in Your presence for others. Lord, please help me let go of all the things I cling to in this temporal world. As I release my grasp on those “things”, it frees my hand to reach out and take hold of Your hand as You guide me to help others understand the eternal home You have promised me and all believers. I pray, Father, that as I experience suffering and the storms of this temporal world, that You help me shift my focus to eternity … my ultimate destination. I pray this in the name of my ticket into eternity, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say – AMEN!

The Truth
“What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?”
Matthew 16:26

“Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
Matthew 5:15-16

“Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light."
Luke 11:34-36

Stepping Stones: Are You Adequate Enough?

Transformational Thought

Call it what you want, we all have weaknesses, issues, baggage, or shortcomings. That’s why marketing and advertising strategies are so successful. Commercials point out our problems, sometimes with humorous exaggeration, and then tell us, actually sell us, what we need to feel adequate, satisfied, whole, healed, or better in all those areas of struggle.

Actually, we are all born with an accurate sense of our extreme inadequacy. Why? Because we are separated from God and desperately need Him … in fact, we are designed to need Him. Our sin separates us from God and condemns us.

But so many of us carry the constant burden of condemnation, even after accepting Christ’s victory over our sin. We develop a false standard that embellishes those insecure and inadequate feelings we harbor in our core. These feelings keep our heads down, smiles off our faces, and our lights dimly light. Does this describe you? Does it describe others you know?

These feelings come from a lifetime of arrows constantly launched at us. Some of those arrows come from those closest to us … words and glances of disapproval from parents, friends, spouses, or kids. We are not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough. Know that all those arrows originate from our ultimate and only true enemy, Satan. He’s the guy that hands out the arrows. He wants to capitalize on that original feeling of spiritual inadequacy, bankruptcy actually, and have us believe it will always hang around our neck and choke us. Satan is the one who wants us to be in a constant state of feeling condemned.

Remember that those who shoot the arrows are full of arrows themselves. (And admit that you too have been an archer). Remember, hurt people will hurt people. They aren’t your real enemy. But you and I and all those who are in Christ Jesus can be condemnation-free from this moment forward. Scripture tells us clearly, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Today, watch your words and actions. Don’t let Satan use you like a puppet to launch arrows at others. Guard your thoughts and words. Look to encourage and comfort first, then gently correct. If you are feeling condemned: 1. Repent by confessing your wrong doing or wrong thinking; 2. Accept God’s forgiveness; 3. Stop being so prideful thinking you need to add something to God’s power, grace, or Jesus’ death for your forgiveness. 4. Examine what baggage is still brainwashing you in this area of struggle. Receive all His grace and forgiveness. Believe it, and rejoice that our heavenly Father accepts you, the prodigal child, and can truly make you whole. Believe this good news and carry this message to those you know who suffer from inadequacy and condemnation. Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I believe You have freed me from all condemnation through the death of Your Son on the cross for my sins. And while I do believe, I still struggle with feelings of condemnation … sometimes for no apparent reason. But I know my past baggage rears its ugly head in subliminal ways. Open my eyes to issues I need to work on. Help me to apply Your instruction to them. Father, I come to You with an open heart and with a thankful spirit. I ask that You help me experience the full freedom You have made possible for me. Thank You, Lord. I know that I need Your Spirit to help me, but I am unsure of how to fully engage His assistance. Show me the way, Lord. In the name of the most adequate, purifying blood of Jesus; and all God’s children say – AMEN!

The Truth
Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2

He (the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies
John 8:44

And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.
Luke 15:19-24

Stepping Stones: Are You Giving Others Power Over You?

Transformational Thought

We have been discussing forgiveness for several days: why we avoid it, what it is, what it isn’t, and why it is important. Today, I will tell you about the aspect of forgiveness that pushed me to really forgive even though it seemed hard to. You see, I played a lot of sports and was a very competitive person … my kids would say I still am. When I got wronged, my competitive nature (as well as some other baggage) would kick in. I wasn’t going to let anybody beat me! I needed my rival to realize that I was in control of them … that I wasn’t beaten … that they would hurt more than me.

To satisfy my competitive nature, I needed something from them. For them to admit they were wrong, or take responsibility for their action, maybe feel some significant pain or suffer a consequence as penance for their transgression against me, or for them to make the hurt all better. Do you realize the problem this mindset made for me? My happiness, relief, or comfort depended on the other person doing “something.”

Therefore, I was giving my “rivals” power over me, because they could withhold the “something” that I needed as long as they wanted. My need for “something” from them made me dependent on them … what they wanted and would do. I had trouble seeing the relationship with them clearly and moving forward because I still needed “something” from them so I could be content.

Bitterness, inferiority, fear, rage, nervousness, injustice, revenge, insecurity, anxiety and many other uneasy feelings would course through me when I saw or thought of my rivals or transgressors. Many of my behaviors inflicted pain on them, pushed them to see how they wronged me, or exerted some superiority over them so I could extract my payment from them, directly or indirectly. Finally, I realized how much power and influence over me I was granting them. I figured out I didn’t want to give them that power, but also, that I don’t handle that power that well. So, I decided to give the power over to God. He has the power, deserves the power, and will always see that justice is administered. I just need to let God do His job. Then I can follow God’s instructions to me and do my job, managing myself, not others.

Today, try to identify people who have power over you, or who negatively dominate your thought world. Chances are you haven’t really forgiven some of them and still need “something” from them so you can move forward. Think why you need that “something”. That is your issue. Quit pointing the finger at others. God has given you way more than you could ever need or want. So what can someone else possibly give that you can’t move on without? WITHIN REACH will help you access the Holy Spirit so you can forgive others. Your choice whether you will give them power over you or not, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father, thanks for helping me learn how to forgive. Help me desire, think, and act in such a way that You are the one I want to have power over me. Help me to really see the forgiveness You extend to me and not worry about what others will or will not do. Help me see the evil one as the real enemy, and not think my transgressor is the enemy. I pray in the name of Jesus and His forgiving blood; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin.
Hebrews 10:18

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Stepping Stones: Biblical Forgiveness vs. Forgiveness Myths

Transformational Thought

The last couple days we have talked about persecution and forgiveness, two very important and complex topics. As a psychiatrist, I see many misunderstandings or myths about what Biblical forgiveness actually is. Myths like, 1. Forgiving is forgetting; 2. Forgiving is starting with a clean slate like nothing ever happened; 3. Forgiving is trusting just as you did before the transgression; 4. Forgiving is never bringing up the incident again. These are some common misconceptions about forgiveness that I hear from peers, people in ministry, and patients.

Some principles from the Bible:
1. God never forgets. He is omniscient. Myth 1 busted.
2. God took David’s and Moses’ sins into account long after their sins, therefore no clean slate. Myth 2 busted.
3. God only trusts us as far as our skill set and reliance on Him, as evidenced by our past track record (spiritual maturity) allows. Myth 3 and 4 busted.

Let’s look at an example of a husband who has an affair. It is important to not forget the incident happened because a lot of work needs to be done to figure out why it happened and how to ensure it doesn’t happen again. You can’t act as if nothing happened because the husband obviously has some deficits and areas of temptation and needs to be safeguarded and held accountable so he and the marriage can heal and grow. So, if he comes home very late one night with a lame excuse, the wife needs to remember the past. She needs to ask the who, what, where, why, and when, with the right attitude and motivation, to make sure he didn’t stumble or isn’t on a slippery slope. She can’t jump into a pre-affair level of trust until he proves trustworthy based on present behavior. That would be unfair and unhealthy for her … and for him.

Forgiving or being forgiven doesn’t elevate someone’s trustworthiness. When she sees worrisome warning signs she needs to bring up the past transgression to facilitate regular assessment, accountability, and growth in him. She knows his area of temptation and stumbling better than most, so she has to keep it in mind to help him grow and avoid it.

Biblical Forgiveness has 2 key components. First, giving up the dysfunctional anger like bitterness, revenge, spite, rage, self-contempt, etc. you have for the transgression, or the transgressor, or toward God for letting the hurtful event happen. Second, when we have been wronged, our nature is to want, need, and demand some payment from the transgressor. We really need to turn this over to God as the great judge and executioner. He is the only one who can determine the fair and appropriate punishment for the infraction, just as He does for us and our many sins against others. The Choosing to Forgive Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth, M.D. is great at expanding on these points with practical application.

Today, when you are struggling to forgive, or you have forgiven but it still hangs over you, ask, “What am I still trying to get out of them as payment?” It may be you need an apology from them, or you need them to feel your pain. Maybe you need to see their consequence, punishment, payment of restitution, or public acknowledgment to others about what they did to you. If your happiness is based on getting that and they never give it, where does that leave you? Quit giving them power over you. Forgive, and let God extract whatever payment He judges necessary for their growth. Your choice, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father, Thanks be to You, Lord, for Your incredible gift of forgiveness. Where would I be without it … buried under a ton of sin and shame. I am so quick to ask for Your Forgiveness, Lord … but so slow to forgive others. Help me remember that forgiving others lifts a heavy burden off me … and places me back under the grace of Your forgiveness. I seek to forgive as Jesus forgave … I seek the mind of Christ. Help me to understand I am not one to judge them and exact payment. Although their transgression against me hurts, it is an even greater transgression against Your holiness. You are the perfect one to hand out justice or grace. In Your omniscience and love for them, you know best. Grow in me a humble spirit to focus on my actions, thoughts, and heart, and to accept Your actions in theirs. Help me, Lord, to spread Your message about forgiveness in word, and especially in action. I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, who loved and sacrificed so much for my forgiveness; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
That very day the LORD spoke to Moses, “Go up this mountain of the Abarim, Mount Nebo, which is in the land of Moab, opposite Jericho, and view the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the people of Israel for a possession. And die on the mountain which you go up, and be gathered to your people, as Aaron your brother died in Mount Hor and was gathered to his people, because you broke faith with me in the midst of the people of Israel at the waters of Meribah-kadesh, in the wilderness of Zin, and because you did not treat me as holy in the midst of the people of Israel. For you shall see the land before you, but you shall not go there, into the land that I am giving to the people of Israel.”
Deuteronomy 32:48-52

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
Mark 11:25

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Stepping Stones: Forgive Them Instead of Giving Them More Power

Transformational Thought

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful, least understood and most underused concept taught in the Bible. Wow, Satan is so diabolically deceitful.

Jesus gives us all a startling warning about not forgiving others: if we refuse to forgive others, God will also refuse to forgive us. Now we know God does forgive us even though there is no way we can perfectly and totally forgive all those who have transgressed us. But think about it – how long are you willing to go without the forgiveness of God? Great sinners are transformed, today and eternally, into exceptional Christians, all because of the power of forgiveness … the gift of forgiveness.

You see, when someone hurts us, our pride is wounded. We feel various pains, some inflicted on us and some from past wounds, that we blame on the other person. We have a great need to see that person experience hurt and pain to make the “score” even. But we then become dependent on seeing our attacker experience pain, and we aren’t “healed” unless they do. Unknowingly, that gives the other person ongoing control and power over us. They can always interfere with and control the timeline of their apology, experiencing consequences, or receiving justice for their offenses.

Give the gift of forgiveness to others, and especially to yourself. Free your offender and yourself. Allow God to come heal and teach you both how to grow the Mind of Christ.

Jesus modeled forgiveness perfectly for us. Think of all those whom Jesus forgave: the woman caught in adultery, Peter who denied he knew Jesus, the criminal on the cross … and those who crucified Him. Giving forgiveness brings joy and peace … withholding forgiveness brings bitterness, victimization, the need see the offender to suffer and experience revenge.

Today, don’t let your pride get in the way of forgiving others. If you are withholding forgiveness, you are missing a wonderful opportunity to experience joy … and spread it to others. Make your joy grow today and gain the must-have forgiveness of your Lord for your sins. Remember, forgiveness is a gift, not for others, but really for you, and will be very pleasing to God. Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father, thanks be to You, Lord, for Your incredible gift of forgiveness. Where would I be without it … buried under a ton of sin and shame. I am so quick to ask for Your Forgiveness, Lord … but so slow to forgive others. Help me remember that forgiving others lifts a heavy burden off me … and places me back under the grace of Your forgiveness. I thank You, Lord, for the many examples of forgiveness demonstrated by Your Son Jesus. I seek to forgive as Jesus forgave … I seek the mind of Christ. Lord, help me spread Your message about forgiveness. I pray this through Jesus Christ who paid the ultimate price so that my sins may be forgiven; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
Mark 11:25

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Stepping Stones: Revenge Is Too Draining

Transformational Thought

I’ve always been a sensitive person, especially as a child. God placed me in a home where negativity and judgment were common, and frequent emotional manipulation strained my brain. I would get so angry and much of my energy … physical, emotional, and psychological … was wasted on dealing with these situations. Fighting back in various ways, trying to understand why and where all these situations were coming from, attempting to avoid them, persisting in a “why me” attitude … all these sucked so much life out of me. Enjoying my childhood was actually a difficult task.

Many of us have people in our lives who have hurt or want to hurt us. It ranges from a few hurtful words or subtle manipulation, to lies, cruelty, and vindictiveness, all the way to physical or sexual abuse. The obvious questions we ask ourselves is “Why me?” “How do I make them stop?” “Why does someone do that?”

Dealing with such people extracts huge amounts of energy in either trying to defend ourselves, recovering from the attack, or plotting and engaging in possible counter attack and retaliation … efforts to “get even.”

Much of my healing began when I realized a few facts and principles. 1. Don’t take it personally as it’s not about me, it’s their issue. 2. God is sovereign over all, and He is allowing this for a grand purpose, so put on those lenses. 3. Remember, the real enemy is Satan, not the person attacking you. They are just getting used by Satan, like you are at times. Pray for them and be on guard … put on the armor for the real battle. I don’t need to retaliate. I do need to set healthy limits and boundaries. But the bitterness and revenge factor are wasted time and effort. God will take care of them as He determines.

Today, let God deal with your enemies. We do have a stewardship role and a responsibility to address our enemies, but we often go overboard in our mind. God promises to help the persecuted and bring judgment on those who treat others with cruelty. So focus your energy on what is going on in your heart and mind regarding your enemy. If you know someone who is being mistreated, slandered or attacked by others, send them this devotional. Spread the Word of God to give hope and peace to those in need. Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear God, I come to You, Father, in need. I have people in my life who are hurting me, trying to do me harm. My anger rages at the injustice of this. My natural human reaction is to take revenge … to get even. I know this is wrong and against Your Word. I release my enemies into Your care. I pray as David did to “make my enemies be like chaff before the wind, with the angel of the Lord driving them away.” Help me, Lord, to remember that it is not the opinion of others that I must focus on. Give me strength in the battle against the evil one who wants to use this persecution to pull me away from You, to distort my lenses, and sidetrack me with stinky thinking. Help me see myself through Your eyes. I pray in the name of the one who teaches me to love my enemies, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Contend, O LORD, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me. Take up shield and buckler; arise and come to my aid. Brandish spear and javelin against those who pursue me. Say to my soul, "I am your salvation.” May those who seek my life be disgraced and put to shame; may those who plot my ruin be turned back in dismay. May they be like chaff before the wind, with the angel of the LORD driving them away; may their path be dark and slippery, with the angel of the LORD pursuing them.
Psalm 35:1-6

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Matthew 5:44

Stepping Stones: Shoulda…Woulda…Coulda!

Transformational Thought

Yesterday, my wife was being very helpful and kind to friends and their daughter after a sleepover with our daughter. The girls had a great time, and my wife was happy for them, so she offered another playdate for the next day. She did so many good things in those moments with such a great attitude and heart. Instead of praising her I said, “You should have looked at our schedule before over-scheduling our day.”

Striving for perfection, solely by human effort, is a frustrating task. We tend to load ourselves down with “should's” and “should have's.” I should do this or should have decided that. I should have done it this way. I should read my Bible more. I should be more loving …

We can also project this focus onto others: He should be more sensitive. She should be more respectful. They should be more open. That person should pay more attention to what I do. They should do what I want and need them to do.

When our focus, or worse yet, our need, is human perfection, we will feel frustrated … and that frustration usually leads to guilt or resentment. Resentment can contribute to a critical and judgmental attitude toward others and ourselves. This mind-set can lead to bitterness, making forgiveness difficult to give and accept … not a pretty picture.

You see, taking stock of our shortcomings is important and necessary, but we have to look at our goal and how are we going to use that data. If we are objective and use it to move forward, get better at life, and give hope to the future, then that’s great. If we are using the data to beat ourselves up, hold ourselves back, become fearful of trying again, and sucking hope from the future, well that’s the trap we often fall into. Do you engage in constant should's and should have's? Second-guessing what you have done and wishing you could do better? Do you focus on how imperfect you are? And how about your attitude toward others? Do you tend to be a judge?

We often want to hold onto our opinions about how the world should be and to get everyone else in line ourselves … with our way. But Jesus wants us to conform ourselves to His example. This is the one “should” we ought to do. We should follow Him and work toward the Mind and Actions of Christ.

Today, evaluate the areas in your life where your wrong “should haves” are enslaving you or others to a distorted reality and are becoming an idol. Examine the areas in your life where you find it difficult to let go of your way and follow Jesus' example. Jesus promises that if you will trade your agenda for His, you will find true, refreshing, and everlasting life.

Prayer
Father, I know I tend to think my way is the only right way. I try to make myself perfect by my standards. I judge others because I expect them to be perfect … by my standards. Help me to conform to your standards. Help me to follow Your example. Help me to walk in love, not unrealistic expectations. I pray in the name of the One I will follow; Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever is bent on saving his life shall lose it; and whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.”
Matthew 16:24-25

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9