Stepping Stones: Examine Your Eyes - Regularly

May 1, 2012

Examine Your Eyes - Regularly

Transformational Thought

Over the last few days we have been discussing the complicated, and seemingly contradictory instructions the Bible gives about judging others. We saw how we seem to be called not to judge, yet we are also called to judge. The major component that helps us determine whether or not to judge,  is looking at the heart of both the judger and the judged.

As we discussed yesterday, the Bible calls us to correct our children … to pick elders and church leaders … to vote for Godly leaders in government … to be a third party helping to settle a dispute between two brothers. So again, the permission to judge rests in the motivating engines of our hearts. We need to examine what drives our judgments of other people.

God does not call us to condemn, shame, mock or belittle others. Neither are we called to exalt ourselves. On the contrary, our motivation needs to be one of compassion, love, service, and encouragement to others. We are to be a lighthouse and a mouthpiece, directing others to God and His Word.

Another important issue in judging is our own motivation. In today's scripture, Jesus describes a type of hypocrisy most of us have experienced. We are quick to condemn others, but avoid examining our own lives. Often our sins actually surpass theirs.

Self-assessment, evaluation, and reflection are so difficult for us. Looking at our weaknesses and mistakes is hard work. We look for any excuse to avoid this important and necessary task for growth. Focusing on someone else’s failures and blowing them out of proportion makes you look better and takes the spotlight off you.

Jesus says that before we can help others, we need to look at our own lives. Are we involved in wrongdoing that clouds our wisdom and hampers our ability to assess and help? Our sin, baggage, and issues can distort our perceptions of their conduct. We might even wrongly judge them. We could then give poor counsel as our issues bleed into our Biblical objectivity.

Not having our own houses in order also undermines our credibility as we speak into their lives. Why would someone listen to or believe my assessment when my own life is filled with sin, dysfunction, and blind spots? What expertise or wisdom can I really share with others if I can’t even identify and address the struggles that hinder my walk with God?

The ability to look closely at our own stuff and address it, is a pretty good indicator of our level of humility … or lack thereof. Low humility indicates high pride, which doesn’t help us speak into another’s life with Godliness. Finally, our dysfunction and sin hinder our prayers for others.

Today, sit down and identify areas in your life that are broken or off-track. You know what they are. As Jesus teaches, get the plank out of your own eye. Only then will you see clearly enough to help your friends. But more importantly, cleaning up your own walk dramatically increases your credibility as you speak into their lives about their problems. Have you performed an eye exam on yourself lately? Like me, you are probably overdue! Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I know I am sometimes quick to judge … and to condemn. Please forgive me. I know I get hypocritical at times, picking on others when I am struggling. Give me the courage to allow Your Holy Spirit to search me, teach me, and empower me to heal and transform my weaknesses. Thank You for allowing me to use what You taught me about myself, to help others grow. Grow in me a heart of compassion and not hypocrisy. Help me to extend the same grace to them that You have abundantly extended to me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the best mirror for my eye exam, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:3-5

Stepping Stones: How Should We “Judge” One Another?

April 30, 2012

How Should We “Judge” One Another?

Transformational Thought

In the last Stepping Stones, we opened up the topic of judging others. We saw how we are simultaneously called to judge and not to judge. We tried to differentiate between these two seemingly contradictory callings. The main element that clarifies the confusion involves looking at the heart of both the judge and the judged. You see, we are to judge others’ behaviors, but it’s impossible to judge their hearts.

So what right do we have to condemn others since we are not perfect? Jesus made this clear to the crowd condemning the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-9). They were clamoring to stone her, but Jesus said, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." One by one, the accusers disappeared.

Condemnation is such a final judgment, and we don’t have the right, authority, or power to condemn anyone. Only God has the perfect slate and is the author who declares, and, more importantly, carries out the final judgment of “Condemned!”

But according to the Bible, we are called as parents to correct our children …  to pick elders and church leaders with certain character … to vote for Godly leaders … to be a third party helping settle a dispute between two brothers. So again, the permission we have to judge is contingent upon the motivating engines in our hearts. We need to ask what drives our actions when we engage in the tricky and dangerous role of judging another person.

God does not call us to condemn, shame, mock, belittle, or somehow, lower others. Neither are we to exalt ourselves. But isn’t this the definition of what our flesh is all about? Satan certainly does all he can to accentuate this mentality. The temptation is to fall into lazy, me-centered behavior when God grants us the responsibility to judge the behavior of others.

Instead, our motivation needs to be one of compassion, love, service, and encouragement. We are to help others avoid reaping the perilous fruit of the flesh that continuous wrong behavior produces. We are to be the instrument of God, directing others to Him and His Word for direction, healing, and transformation so they can overcome sinful behavior. We need to embrace this motivational mindset and role, and guard against Satan’s me-centered head games.

Another component to consider is how we approach the person. Since we don’t know his motivation, we need to ask questions and help him recognize the misconduct. We can lovingly help him identify the motivations, fears, and issues, and the me-centered process that led to the wrong behavior. We also want him to know God’s forgiveness, and God’s desire to receive him back into a transforming relationship.

Today, jot down on a piece of paper the names of people whose behaviors God allows you to monitor and judge. Examine your heart and motivation in this assignment. If God has put you in a special position to speak into another person’s life, do it with love and with the motivations described above. You can be a great catalyst in their spiritual walks … or a major stumbling block … depending on your heart as you handle this assignment from God and for God. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

O God, I know I am sometimes quick to judge … and even worse, to condemn. Please forgive me. Help me to really see how I can be Your partner in ministry. Help me to recognize the people in my life whom you call me to “judge”. Teach me the seriousness of this responsibility and guard my heart from my flesh and Satan. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One slow to judge, always a servant, and quick to forgive, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?" This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.

John 8:3-9

Kw: , Character, Peace, Self-Evaluation, Judgment, Forgiveness, Relationships

Stepping Stones: To Judge Or Not To Judge

April 28-29, 2012

To Judge Or Not To Judge

Transformational Thought

Like it or not, we are judging something all the time. Someone’s clothes … hair … car … house … cleanliness … weight … attitude. Some say it is wrong to judge, and we are not to judge … that judging is up to God. He is the only one who has the right and authority to judge. So they will often quote, “judge not lest ye be judged.”

But in the Bible, we are called as parents to correct our children … to pick elders and church leaders with certain character … to vote for Godly leaders … to judge false Bible teachers … to confront gossiping, addiction, or adulterous behavior … even to be a third party helping settle a dispute between two Christian brothers.

How can we carry out these duties without judging the individuals? What a dilemma … to judge or not to judge. How do we know when to judge and when to sit tight? Sorting out these contradictory instructions and scenarios is complex, and I don’t want to oversimplify, but most can be boiled down to this: 1. What’s at the center of your heart motivating your behavior, and 2. What lenses are you using to assess the situation.

Only God can see into hearts and truly judge the full scope of an event. We can judge conduct, but only hypothesize about the motivation leading to the person’s conduct. God knows everything and judges accurately, impartially, and according to absolute truth. We are too limited to make the same quality judgments. We are called to judge conduct (our next Stepping Stones will look at that element a little more), but not to judge someone’s heart. We do need to make sure our motives for judging conduct are focused on God and our focus is to serve the person we are judging and their “targets”.

Today, try to determine whether you are judging a person’s heart or their conduct. If you are judging heart, that is a dangerous area that needs to be approached with extreme caution. If you are called to judge a person’s conduct, examine your heart and motives. Are you using me-centered agendas and lenses? Be honest with yourself. When you judge the right things for the right reasons, in the right way, a big burden will be lifted. You will be so much freer is your relationships. Once you have the judgment, then glorify God in how you present that assessment to the individual you are called to judge and serve. You are called to judge, but judging well is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I know I am sometimes quick to judge … and to condemn. Please forgive me. Help me understand my own issues better, and resolve my needs so I don’t feel compelled to judge and ridicule others to lessen my fears, anxieties, or insecurities and inadequacies. I desire a heart that beats with Yours and wants to love and serve those You put into my life. Help me have a discerning lens to understand their struggles and lovingly and clearly show and teach them Your word. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One quickest to forgive, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;”

Luke 6:37

There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

James 4:12

Stepping Stones: People Pleaser or God Pleaser?

April 27, 2012

People Pleaser or God Pleaser?

Transformational Thought

Who doesn’t want to see their kids happy, especially if we are the one bringing them delight? I love to please my daughters. But I also want to see them safe and healthy. So when they make unhealthy or dysfunctional requests, it is easy for me to say “NO!” … even though they aren’t pleased, and in fact, they might actually be upset, or cry because of my answer.

Need a couple of examples? What about when they ask … for their third bowl of ice cream … for the keys to the car and they’re only 13 … to stay out to midnight on a school night when they’re 14 … to camp out with a boyfriend, alone, when they are 16. All these will easily get a “no” answer from me regardless of how displeased my beloved daughters might be with my answer.

When fellow adults make dysfunctional requests, for some reason, for most of us, it is much harder to say “no”. Why is it hard to say ‘No’ to an adult? Sometimes it’s because I think they know more than I do about the particular situation … or they know what’s best for themselves more than I do … or I fear and hate being uneasy when people are mad or upset at me … or I fear their rejection … or I need their approval … or I need to  be needed or accepted. Too many “I need…” or “I fear…” lenses, based on a me-centered mentality, significantly interfere with our perspective, and lead to disrespectful, dysfunctional, or even sinful relational conduct.

When we focus on trying to please people by acting dysfunctionally, then our behavior is not serving or pleasing God. If we are truly His servants, then our primary goal will be to please Him first, not others.

When Jesus lived on earth, many who believed in Him would not admit their faith. Because these people were more concerned about personal safety and other people’s opinions rather than God’s opinion, they did not live out their faith. Likewise, when we live as people-pleasers, we are demonstrating the fact that we are more concerned about people’s approval instead of God’s … and therefore our walk with Him will always be hindered.

Today, ask yourself: What is my greatest perceived need or greatest perceived threat when someone makes a request of me … or when I feel the need to people-please in a relationship? Whom am I trying to please ... God or the person? Maybe most of your life is lived to please God, but there is still some situation … or some person … that triggers you to be a people-pleaser. God wants us to put Him first in all things … we cannot please Him by placing more importance on people’s opinions  … or our needs … over His. Pleasing God is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I do want to please You. Forgive me for the times I let my desire to be accepted by a person outweigh my desire to please You. Thank You for Your love and for accepting me unconditionally. Help me to be a better servant, doing the right thing, not the people-pleasing thing, as I grow healthy relationships with others. Give me courage and peace to withstand the pressure I feel when others are displeased with my answers. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who was the perfect servant, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

I am not trying to please people. I want to please God. Do you think I am trying to please people? If I were doing that, I would not be a servant of Christ. 

Galatians 1:10

Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. For they loved human praise more than the praise of God.

John 12:42-43

Kw: , Needs, People-Pleasing, Conflict

Stepping Stones: “I’ll Only Do It This One Time”

April 26, 2012

 “I’ll Only Do It This One Time”

Transformational Thought

Paul wrote the second chapter of Romans to Jewish readers who believed they had a special relationship with God because they knew, approved, and were obedient to the Law of God. Many believed this relationship made them above the Law, and so were not careful in their lifestyles. They excused behaviors that were wrong and trusted in their supposed privileged position to shield them from the consequences of their guilt.

It is never enough just to know and approve what is right. It is never enough to be a church member or to be born into a Christian family. Nothing has any meaning without a relationship with God that is alive and based solely on faith in Christ as your personal Savior. In today's scripture, Paul is speaking to religious people who lack a living relationship with God.

Religious people are prone to rationalization. They often have a strong belief system. But when their beliefs and behaviors conflict, they may resolve the internal conflict by finding excuses for themselves. Many people are pro-life, but when it comes to an unwanted pregnancy in their own home, some are able to rationalize an abortion. Many oppose pornography, but allow themselves to indulge in secret. Nobody, I repeat, nobody is immune to rationalizing and excusing sinful behaviors and attitudes.

People rationalize sins such as cheating on their taxes, lying, having temper tantrums, gossiping, being bitter, harboring a grudge, controlling others, resisting change, continuing an addiction, or having an affair. "Everyone does it." "I deserve it." "It doesn’t really hurt anyone." "I'll only do it this one time."

Just like at the Last Supper, Jesus told Peter that he would deny Christ later on. Peter adamantly proclaimed his love and loyalty by claiming he would lay down his life for Jesus, but some hours later, Peter was able to rationalize the exact opposite of what he professed he would do, and did indeed deny Christ, not once, not twice, but three times.

Perhaps you have fallen into this rationalization trap. You know God’s Word. You say you believe it. And yet when it comes right down to your personal circumstances, you find a way to rationalize behavior that the Holy Bible condemns. Hypocrisy? You bet! But don’t just pout or deny you’re in this category, learn why you are tricked into thinking that your behavior results in benefit rather than harm.

Today, don’t rationalize or hide. Stop posing. Jesus died so you could lead a transformed life. That is the only place in which the peace and joy we all desire can be found. Faith in Christ sets us free from sin, but we must exercise and apply that faith to life’s situations. It isn't enough to know what the Bible says. God calls us into a close relationship that causes us to want to please Him. We will all stumble and fall along the way, but a close walk with the Lord should encourage us to repent and get back on the right path … to restore our relationship with Him. Knowing and speaking the Word isn't enough … we must live it. Act on what you believe, it’s your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, forgive me for reading Your Word but then going my own way. I pray that You will fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that Your Word will become a living part of me and that I will live to please You. Help me apply Your instruction clearly in my life. I pray that my relationship with You will grow stronger and my desire to please You will grow. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who lived His Father’s Word, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

For merely listening to the law doesn't make us right with God. It is obeying the law that makes us right in his sight.

Romans 2:13

Jesus said to him, "Truly, I say to you, this very night, before the cock crows, you will deny me three times." Peter said to him, "Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you." And so said all the disciples.

Matthew 26:34-35

And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, “This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.” And again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the man.” And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, “Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech betrayeth thee.” Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, “I know not the man.” And immediately the cock crew. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, “Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.” And he went out, and wept bitterly.

Matthew 26:71-75

Stepping Stones: Reckless Words

Transformational Thought

Thank you…yes ma’am…you’re beautiful…I love you. Words can be so powerful; they can bless, soothe, and empower. Get away…you’re fired…shut up…I hate you. Words can also isolate, devastate, and demoralize.

Words are fine tools, helping awesome relationships and connections to flourish. Words can also be heat-seeking weapons, deftly defending our psyche and attacking those who threaten our me-first kingdom. The world has come to applaud and exalt quick-witted retorts. My own need to be in control, to be the expert, to show my competence, or to cover my vulnerability pushed my mastery of the quick, sarcastic, sharp, verbal attack.

I came to realize that when I used words to damage others…I was actually damaging myself as well. Some important elements of who I am, like self-respect, self-esteem, honor, dignity, relationships, brain chemistry, connection to God…all injured and damaged. Again, we see this all too common phenomena, when we use words reflexively as self-protective maneuvers like really self-destructive word grenades.

Another downside of resorting to this counter-offensive using verbal attacks, it interferes with my opportunity to learn, practice, and hone much healthier skills and methods to deal with the perceived attacks. You see, God has other ways rather than my knee-jerk word grenades and I will never get a chance to develop them if I keep resorting to my old poor ones.

The Word of God gives us different instruction about our words, and where to start in developing new and healthier skills: what comes out of our mouths is really the reflection of what is going on in our hearts. In order to modify our word usage, we need to work on our hearts. God has worked on my heart over the years. My swearing is gone and my verbal attacks are markedly decreased. I still have work to do, but as I let God in more, the temptation is less and the need to protect myself by hurling word grenades is minimized as I rest in His defense of me.

Today, let your speech come under the control of the Holy Spirit. Say split second prayers before you respond. Think before you speak, not as you speak. Use your words today to lift someone up, to heal instead of hurt. As your positive speech patterns replace your negative ones, the increase in joy and peace in your relationships will simply amaze you. Maybe forward this devotional to someone who has given you grace with his or her words to thank them. Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, Thank You for the awesome gift of speech. I confess, Father that I have misused this gift…I confess, Father, that I have used my mouth and mind to hurt others. Forgive me, Father. I pray that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I may have the discipline to think before I speak. Help me pray before answering the phone and before responding to others in conversation. Let others see You in me by the words I speak. I pray these words in the name of the living Word, Jesus Christ; and all God’s people say - AMEN!

The Truth
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19

Stepping Stones: To Judge Or Not To Judge

Transformational Thought

Like it or not, we are judging something all the time. Someone’s clothes … hair … car … house … cleanliness … weight … attitude. Some say it is wrong to judge, and we are not to judge … that judging is up to God. He is the only one who has the right and authority to judge. So they will often quote, “judge not lest ye be judged.”

But in the Bible, we are called as parents to correct our children … to pick elders and church leaders with certain character … to vote for Godly leaders … to judge false Bible teachers … to confront gossiping, addiction, or adulterous behavior … even to be a third party helping settle a dispute between two Christian brothers.

How can we carry out these duties without judging the individuals? What a dilemma … to judge or not to judge. How do we know when to judge and when to sit tight? Sorting out these contradictory instructions and scenarios is complex, and I don’t want to oversimplify, but most can be boiled down to this: what’s at the center of your heart motivating your behavior, either as the judge or the judged?

Only God can see into hearts and truly judge the full scope of an event. We can judge conduct, but only hypothesize about the motivation leading to the person’s conduct. God knows everything and judges accurately, impartially, and according to absolute truth. We are too limited to make the same quality judgments. We are called to judge conduct (tomorrow we will look at that element a little more), but not to judge someone’s heart. We do need to make sure our motives for judging conduct are focused on God and serve the person we are judging.

Today, try to determine whether you are judging a person’s heart or their conduct. If you are judging heart, that is a dangerous area that needs to be approached with extreme caution. If you are called to judge a person’s conduct, examine your heart and motives. Then glorify God in how you present that assessment to the individual you are called to serve.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I know I am sometimes quick to judge … and to condemn. Please forgive me. Help me understand my own issues better, and resolve my needs so I don’t feel compelled to judge and ridicule others to lessen my fears, anxieties, or insecurities and inadequacies. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One quickest to forgive, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;”
Luke 6:37

There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
James 4:12

Stepping Stones: Self Eye Exam - Regularly

Transformational Thought

The last couple of days we have been discussing the complicated and seemingly contradictory instructions we get from the Bible about judging others. We saw how we are called not to judge and yet called to judge. The main element was looking at the heart, of both the judger and the judged.

As we discussed, the Bible calls us to correct our children … to pick elders and church leaders with certain character … to vote for Godly leaders … to be a third party helping settle a dispute between two brothers. So again, the permission to judge rests in the motivating engine in our heart that drives our judgment of the other person.

If our motivation is to condemn, shame, mock, belittle them … or exalt ourselves, then obviously, this is not the kind of peer judging God calls us to.

On the contrary, our motivation needs to be one of compassion, love, service, and encouragement. Trying to help someone avoid reaping the perilous fruit of the flesh that continued wrong behavior produces. Being a lighthouse or mouthpiece of God and trying to direct them to God and His Word.

Another issue in judging is our motivation for judging the other person. In today's scripture, Jesus describes a type of hypocrisy most of us have experienced. We are quick to condemn others, deflecting from or overtly avoiding examining our own lives. Often our sins actually surpass theirs.

Jesus says that before we can help them, we need to have a look at our own lives. Are we involved in wrongdoing that might cloud our wisdom and hamper our ability to assess and help? Our sin, baggage, and issues could distort our perception of their conduct, and we might even wrongly judge them. We could then give them poor counsel as our issues bleed into our Biblical objectivity.

Not having our own house in order will also undermine our credibility to speak into their lives. Why would someone listen to or believe my assessment or judgment when I have all this sin and dysfunction, and so many blindspots in my life? What expertise or wisdom can I really share with them if I can’t even identify and address the struggles in my own life?

Looking closely at and addressing our own stuff, is a pretty good indicator of our level of humility, or lack thereof. Low humility equals high pride. Not a great attribute for speaking into another’s life with Godliness. A last point, our dysfunction and sin hinder our prayers for them as well.

Today, sit down and identify areas in your life that are broken or off-track. You know what they are. As Jesus teaches, get the plank out of your own eye. Only then will you see clearly enough to help your friends and have the credibility to speak into their lives about their problems. Have you performed an eye exam on yourself lately? Like me, you are probably overdue! Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I know I am sometimes quick to judge … and to condemn. Please forgive me. Help me to examine my own life first so I can see clearly to help others and not condemn them. Help me to extend the same grace to them that You have abundantly extended to me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the best mirror for my eye exam, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Matthew 7:3-5

Stepping Stones: What You Gonna Blame It On Today?

Transformational Thought

I’ve noticed there are so many unhappy people that cross my path every day. They all have a common trait...they are all quick to blame their unhappiness on things that are out of their control: the economy, the government, their circumstances, their boss, their family, their parents, their kids, their spouse, their job, alcohol, food, money, lack of time.

All these outside factors rob us of joy and happiness. But there is a list of objectives and desires that are within our control: a close relationship with God, a clear purpose in life, a commitment to help someone in greater need than ourselves, and maybe, if we really want to get serious and personal, a deeper commitment to our faith.

These are all honorable desires and are all things we as individuals can do something about…without outside human help. No stimulus package or government program will assist here, and tough economic times cannot steal these ideals. These life goals are achieved as we allow God’s Word to rule in our hearts and receive the Spirit’s strength to build up the inner man, resulting in true joy.

In our complicated world, it’s tempting to put the pursuit for what we desire into the hands of others—to expect an outside entity to fulfill our desires. It is true we sometimes need help from others and we cannot live in isolation. But it really is not outside sources that provide true happiness. That must come from within. Only you can decide. You control the switch…will you shine brightly or switch your light off?

Today, remember that blaming your unhappiness on things that are out of your control is an excuse, a very weak attempt to avoid responsibility. Change your lenses, change your life. Ask 2 people who are close to you to give you Godly advice about your area of struggle and consider following it seriously today. The direction is up to you, nobody else steers your ship. Which way will you steer your life? Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, even though I hate when others play the victim card and blame others for their predicament, I confess that I have been guilty of having that “victim mentality.” I have been so quick to blame circumstances beyond my control for my unhappiness. I pray, Father, that You help turn my mind to those things that I do have control over. Help me, Father, to remember that You are the one and only true source of sustainable happiness. I pray in the name of the one source who gave me the freedom to control my happiness, Your greatest gift, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children said - AMEN!

The Truth
That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man.
Ephesians 3:16


So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled
1 Thessalonians 5:6

Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land.
Psalm 37:3-9

Stepping Stones: Reckless Words

Transformational Thought

Thank you…yes ma’am…you’re beautiful…I love you. Words can be so powerful; they can bless, soothe, and empower. Get away…you’re fired…shut up…I hate you. Words can isolate, devastate, and demoralize.

Words are fine tools, helping awesome relationships and connections flourish. Words can also be heat-seeking weapons, deftly defending our psyche and attacking those who threaten our kingdom. The world has come to applaud quick-witted retorts. My need for control, to be the expert, to show my competence, or to cover my vulnerability pushed my mastery of the quick, sarcastic, sharp, verbal attack.

I came to realize, when I used words to damage others…I damaged myself as well. Self-respect, self-esteem, honor, dignity, relationships, brain chemistry, connection to God…all injured or damaged. Again, we see this all too common phenomena, what we reflexively use as self-protective maneuvers are really self-destructive grenades.

However, the Word of God gives us much different instructions about our words, as what comes out of our mouth is really the reflection of what is going on in our heart. In order to modify our word usage, we need to work on our heart. My swearing is gone and my verbal attacks are rare as God has worked on my heart over the years. I still have work to do, but the more I let God in, temptation is less and the need to protect myself is minimized as a rest in His defense for me.

Today, let your speech come under the control of the Holy Spirit. Say split second prayers before you respond. Think before you speak, not as you speak. Use your words today to lift someone up, to heal instead of hurt. As your positive speech patterns replace your negative ones, the increase in joy and peace in your relationships will simply amaze you. Maybe forward this devotional to someone who has given you grace with his or her words to thanks them. Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, Thank You for the awesome gift of speech. I also confess, Father that I have misused this gift…I confess, Father, that I have used my mouth and mind to hurt others. Forgive me, Father. I pray, Father, that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I may have the discipline to think before I speak. Help me pray before answering the phone and before responding to others in conversation. Let others see You in me by the words I speak. I pray these words in the name of the living Word, Jesus Christ; and all God’s people said, - AMEN!

The Truth
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19

Stepping Stones: “I’ll Only Do It This One Time”

Transformational Tip

Paul wrote the second chapter of Romans to Jewish readers who believed they had a special relationship to God because they knew and approved of the Law of God. Many believed this relationship made them above the Law, and they were not careful in their lifestyle. They excused behaviors that were wrong and trusted in their supposed privileged position to shield them from the consequences of their guilt.

It is never enough just to know and approve what is right. It is never enough to be a church member or to be born into a Christian family. Nothing has any meaning without a relationship with God that is alive and based on personal faith in Christ. In today's scripture, Paul is speaking to religious people who lack a living relationship with God.

Religious people are prone to rationalization. They have a strong belief system, but when their beliefs and behaviors conflict, they may resolve the internal conflict by excusing themselves. Many people are pro-life, but when it comes to an unwanted pregnancy in their own home, some are able to rationalize a pro-choice decision. Many oppose pornography and yet will allow themselves to indulge in secret. Nobody is above rationalizing and excusing sinful behaviors and attitudes.

People can rationalize sins like cheating on their taxes, lying, temper tantrums, gossiping, bitterness, controlling others, not accepting change, or having an affair. "Everyone does it." "I deserve it." "It does not really hurt anyone." "I'll only do it this one time."

Perhaps you have fallen into this rationalization trap. You know God’s Word. You say you believe it. And yet when it comes right down to your personal circumstances, you find a way to rationalize behavior that the The Holy Bible condemns. Hypocrisy? You bet!

Today, don’t rationalize or hide. Stop posing. Lead the transformed life Jesus died for you to live. Faith in Christ sets us free from sin. We cannot earn our way to heaven…Jesus is the only way. Following Jesus means building a personal relationship with Him. It isn't enough to know what the Bible says. God calls us into a relationship that should cause us to want to please Him.

We will all stumble and fall along the way, but a close walk with the Lord should cause us to repent and get back on the right path…restore our relationship with Him. Knowing and speaking the Word isn't enough…we must live it.

Click here to share your perspective about living God’s Word.

Prayer
Dear Father God, forgive me for reading your Word and then going my own way. I pray that you will fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that Your Word will become a living part of me and that I will live to please You. Help me apply Your instruction clearly in my life. I pray that my relationship with you will grow stronger and my desire to please You will grow. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who lived His Father’s Word, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
For merely listening to the law doesn't make us right with God. It is obeying the law that makes us right in his sight.
Romans 2:13

Stepping Stones: Is Marriage For Fools?

Transformational Tip

My 9 yo asked me, “Dad, what is National Atheist Day?” I was thinking hard as I hate looking dumb in front of my girls, especially my 9 yo. I was also thinking, how did the atheists get a day…was it part of the healthcare reform zillion page bill? I gave up and asked for the answer. “April 1…April Fools Day.” She is a little character.

We will tackle marriage today as only fools fall in love. Becoming one in Christ is God's plan for husbands and wives. This spiritual, psychological, and physical union is a special miracle of God. It seems so elusive and frustrating to attain that you almost have to be a fool to even try.

Today's scripture states that a man leaves his father and mother to be joined to his wife. The "leaving behind" is often difficult for the man and the woman when it comes to baggage…like unhealthy behavior patterns, hurt feelings, wounds, neglect, abuse, fears, need for control, and lack of role models for skill development.

In many cases, individuals bring this kind of baggage to the marriage, counting on their new relationship to "fix" the hurt. But there must be openness and real unconditional love for each other with God, Jesus, and the Bible at the center of the relationship. When these are left out, bringing this kind of baggage to the marriage will hurt the relationship and hinder the process of truly becoming one.

Today, turn to Jesus for healing from these kinds of problems. Are there areas of baggage that you need to allow God to help you with in the process of "becoming one"? Are you ready to let Him help? Remember your wedding vows. Why have you broken your covenant to God, your spouse, and loved ones. We all break them, but be intentional about being “foolish” to the world’s way of doing marriage and choose God’s way.

Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your perspective on becoming one with the help of God.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I know I brought some things into my marriage that I should have dealt with before getting married. I guess I really did think that this marriage…and my spouse…would change everything. But I realize now that my answer can only be found in Jesus. Forgive me for waiting until now to turn to You. Thank You for loving me. Help me through this process of healing. Help my spouse and me grow in our relationship and to truly be one in Christ. I pray this and all prayers through your Son and my Savior, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
As the Scriptures say, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Ephesians 5:31
If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.
Numbers 30:2

Stepping Stones: Be Real With Yourself

Transformational Tip
Get real! That college is out of your league. Be real! That girl is way to pretty for you. Get real! You’re never play on that team, get that part, make that band, get that job. How many times have we heard these expressions? How many times have we used them ourselves? It was hard for me, for so many years, to see who I really was. Why is this so hard to do? Why is it so hard to face ourselves? One reason…The enemy, Satan, likes it this way. The enemy tries to plant seeds of deceptions, pain, sinfulness…of self hate instead of acceptance of God’s love for us. Another reason…it’s painful for us to see who we really are. It was for me. It was a lot easier to think I was important, talented, bright, nice, blah, blah, blah… than to see my insecurities, inadequacies, and needs, let alone address them. The best way for us to face ourselves…to be real with ourselves…is to remember, as Christians, we are constantly clothed in Jesus’ robe of righteousness. God knows exactly what sins, weaknesses, and blemishes we try to hide underneath that faultless garment of salvation that covers and erases all. And He rejoices over you with singing…just imagine that…God singing over you!

Today, know that your Lord and God longs for you to trust Him enough to be fully yourself with Him. Being real with Your God, you are allowing him to bring out the very best in you. Pray to Him about one thing you have never really opened up to Him about. Let light into that area of your life…this pushes the darkness out. Click here to share with the Stepping Stones community your thoughts of being real with God.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I want to grow the gifts that you planted in my soul. I want to be real with You Lord, but this is a painful experience for me because this means I first have to be real with myself. It seems easier for me to ignore how I’m feeling rather than face my misery head on. I pray, Father, that You help me stop numbing my discomfort, or negative feelings, with my sinful diversions. Give me the courage Father to face myself so that I can be real with You. Thank You, Father. I pray in the name of the one who died so I could be real in Your presence, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children said - AMEN!

The Truth
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness…
Isaiah 61:10
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and, Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Luke 10:27

Stepping Stones: "I'm fine, you?"

Transformational Tip
"How are you?" "Great, how are you?" "Yea, I'm good, too." Every Sunday morning, interchanges like this are spoken a zillion (indescribably large number) times. Unfortunately, a lot of times, things aren't "great, good, or fine." I've spoken to many people who told me they were afraid to talk to anyone at church for several years as a problem escalated until the details couldn't be hidden anymore. Unfortunately, problems only get worse when unattended. It's amazing to me how often we hide the truth from each other, especially since the people we're hiding from might be able to pray, listen, guide, or connect us to services or care to help our situation. So many times, someone has opened up to me in church, not knowing I am a psychiatrist, and I was able to care for or connect them to care for their troubled situation. Other times someone else in the church that they opened up to, referred them to me. Embarrassment, shame, pride, fear...that's what Satan uses to keep the body from uniting and working together. Don't let this happen to you. We weren't made to handle and accomplish everything on our own...we were made to work on teams...marriage, family, employers, church, community, extended family, etc.
Today, think about how you will respond tomorrow (and every Sunday/day in church). If you are the one asking "how are you?" then really be an attentive listener to allow the person a place to be open. If you are the recipient of the question, maybe something like, "well, the week has been a little tough, can I vent a little to you, or can you direct me to someone who can listen and help?"
If you are in a church that will not be compassionate toward your issue and will judge and avoid you, get out of that church to one that will care for you. If what you are doing is wrong, don't look for the church to condone it, but they should be able to love, care for, and support you to help you make better choices. Click here to share your experiences and perspective with other readers on this issue of transparency at Church.

Prayer
Dear Father, thank you so much for your unconditional love and forgiveness for all my problems and actions. Please help me speak up and share my burden with others and open my ears to the guidance and wisdom you provide through your humble and wise servants. Help me discern good counsel and follow it. I want connection and help, but I choke at the opportunity to speak up. Encourage me thru Your Spirit to not be ashamed or afraid to expose and ask for help. I pray in Christ's all revealing name and work, and all God's people said, AMEN!

The Truth
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function,
so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
Romans 12:3-5
Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
Proverbs 27:9