Stepping Stones: Unresolved Anger Has Poisonous Roots!

May 9, 2012

Unresolved Anger Has Poisonous Roots!

Transformational Thought

When you feel angry with someone or something, do you express your feelings … or do you hold the anger inside? People who bury their anger usually believe they are doing the right thing by appearing calm on the outside and not blowing up. The reality, however, is that unresolved anger will fester and develop into resentment, bitterness, or even depression.

Some people respond to anger by immediately holding it in, and then releasing it or letting it go a short time later without hurting themselves or others. We can do this by playing ball or scrubbing the dishes while calming down, and then having an honest conversation with the person who upset us. When we handle our feelings like this, the results are often beneficial. But if you tend to hold your anger inside and grow resentful, ask God to help you share your angry feelings with people as they occur. We don’t want to share in a rage or with unkind words. We just want an honest but controlled expression of our feelings.

The Bible teaches that we shouldn't carry anger overnight. Get it settled before going to bed. Otherwise, it’s likely that resentment will grow. We see various Bible passages in which God and Jesus expressed their anger or displeasure, but did so with a heart, motivation, and method that were healthy and purposeful.

As we discussed yesterday, anger is just a God-given warning system … letting us know when a real or potential problem exists. Thankfully, until you actually do something about the underlying problem, your brain will continue to warn you. Not addressing the problem is what allows anger to grow, fester, and come out in harmful ways. Or it can be directed inward and lead to negative self-talk, low self-image, depression, isolation, or self-loathing. The negativity against ourselves may include cutting, excessive piercing and tattooing, addictions, or promiscuity.

Perhaps you are already experiencing bitterness because of unexpressed grievances from the past. The answer: when anger starts to warn you, acknowledge the hurt … forgive or ask for forgiveness … address and solve the original problem. You won’t have to work hard at letting go of the anger … because, when the problem is resolved, that original anger will quickly melt away.

Holding on to bitterness can damage your relationship with God, relationships with others, and your peace of mind. It even harms your health, especially your heart, blood pressure, digestive system, and brain chemistry. Being a problem solver, and forgiving and being forgiven can change all that. Ask God … He will guide and help you. Call our Helpline and we will find a therapist to equip you with Biblical skills to manage and express your anger well.

Today, if you notice that someone is angry, ask them, “You seem angry or upset. That anger is warning you about some problem. Can I help you work on or solve that problem?” Ask yourself the same question as well. WITHIN REACH helps you understand and utilize negative feelings to make great decisions. What you do with your emotions is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, forgive me and help me deal with the resentment and bitterness I have been carrying. Give me the strength and wisdom to move forward by acknowledging the hurt, controlling my anger, identifying the problem, solving the underlying issue, and forgiving. Thank You for the wonderful way You designed me. Help me understand that design better so I can be a great steward of my mind and free will. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the best mirror for my eye exam, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many

Hebrews 12:15

Kw: 

Stepping Stones: Make Anger Your Servant…Not Your Master

May 8, 2012

Make Anger Your Servant…Not Your Master

Transformational Thought

Yesterday we talked about how anger is not necessarily about doing something wrong, dysfunctional, or sinful. But we are still left with the important question, “What causes anger?” We often assume anger is caused by a situation in which we find ourselves. We might think that it’s a rude driver, an unfair criticism, or a friend's betrayal. In reality, the answer is "nothing" around us causes anger, even though these situations are usually followed by our own angry reactions. In fact, the angry feeling is actually our own doing. You see the lenses we use to view situations precipitate the feelings of anger. But we usually blame others for “making” us feel that way.

Let me give an example to help clarify. During a basketball game, if my team scores a last minute, game-winning basket, I am excited. But someone rooting for the other team who experiences the same event may actually be angry or frustrated, or have other negative emotions immediately after the shot goes in. The event, a made shot, doesn’t cause the anger. If it did, everybody experiencing the event would be angry. You see, the difference is the lenses we use as we witness or experience the event. That’s the key ingredient that determines our emotional response.

Understanding this key point is so freeing and eye-opening. Anger (or any negative feeling) is a great warning system. Anger lets us know when something is not going right or when potential danger exists. If I were in the woods and saw a tiger, I would get angry, sad, worried, and frightened. That’s an example of a good warning system letting me know something is not safe, and it pushes me to action. Without negative feelings I would probably walk merrily through the woods and get devoured by the tiger.

When someone insults us or treats us badly, we should get angry. That lets us know a problem exists in the relationship and needs to be addressed. Hopefully, we look at our options and choose how to respond. God has given us free will to control our feelings, thoughts, and actions. Will we choose unkind words or find a way to "get even"? Or will we problem-solve and forgive? It's our choice. No matter what our backgrounds or the current circumstances, we are responsible for our own behaviors and we can’t blame them on our emotions.

Unfortunately, we often let our anger rule us. It becomes the main influence on our decision-making. Anger serves us well as a warning system. But anger is a very poor master when we let it become our decision-maker in any situation. None of us express our feelings appropriately all the time. But the Bible tells us, For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. Philippians 4:13.

Today, notice when you feel angry. Stop and thank God for a great warning system. Then look below the anger to the problem and address it. If you don’t, your warning system (anger) will keep on alerting you until the problem is resolved. Let Jesus help make anger your servant instead of your master. Follow His attitude, actions, and teachings. WITHIN REACH helps you understand your feelings, their role, how you misuse them, and how you can soothe them and then steward them to the max for your benefit and God’s glory. Your response to your anger is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, thank You so much for my anger, and all my negative feelings. It is awesome to know you gave me a warning system that alerts me to problems and danger. When I am wronged in some way, help me to choose the Godly response … the one that is pleasing to You. Teach me to control my anger, to have patience, to problem-solve, and to forgive. Thanks for Your soothing Spirit when I feel angry. Help me to allow You in when I feel this pain. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the one who teaches me how to handle all things well, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

Proverbs 19:11

Stepping Stones: Anger … Right or Wrong?

May 7, 2012

Anger … Right or Wrong?

Transformational Thought

Anger: right or wrong? The answer is that anger is right … and the answer is it can also be wrong. Anger is a God-given emotional energy designed for good. But the way we use and express anger-produced energy can often be dysfunctional and lead to sin. But anger doesn’t have to lead to frustration, or worse yet, sin. With God's help, we can control the thoughts and actions that come when an event precipitates angry feelings in us. We can actually utilize our anger in a productive way for a great outcome.

The Bible tells of many times when anger was a positive force for achieving good: Moses' anger when the Israelites worshipped idols resulted in their repentance (Exodus 32:19-35); Jesus' anger motivated him to clear blasphemers and abusers from his Father's temple (Luke 19:45-48).

Actually, it seems like God is angry and jealous during half of the Old Testament, as mankind, especially the Israelites, chronically rejects God, and exalts himself to the throne doing his own thing. Remember why God sent the flood. Consider His response to the Tower of Babel. Think about the me-centered activities of Sodom and Gomorrah and God’s anger. Since we know God never sins, we know anger itself can’t be a bad or sinful thing. So then, what is anger and how can it be useful to us?

In fact, our anger can be a positive force in many daily situations. Appropriate anger in response to our children's wrong behaviors can motivate us as parents to exert firm but loving discipline. Anger against injustices and wrongdoing in our communities can motivate us to do something positive about those situations. Anger energizes and motivates us to take action when we might otherwise be passive in areas of struggle or conflict. Tomorrow, we will dig into anger’s best and most important role in our lives.

But we also need to be very careful, because our anger can also lead to sinful acts of selfishness, unkindness or even aggression. It is our responsibility to use our anger-induced energy in positive ways, even if it's just walking around the block to cool off. Satan knows that we have a lot of trouble handling our emotions, so he is always trying to push our emotional buttons. Most of the spiritual warfare is focused on deception and pushing emotions, especially negative ones. This is why alcohol and drugs, and even caffeine are so dangerous. These substances interfere with our control circuitry, and allow our feelings to surface unchecked. This is why suicides, domestic violence, sexual assaults, and physical fights often happen under the influence.

Today, if you experience anger, stop and remember that anger itself isn’t bad. It’s what you decide to do with your anger that determines a positive or negative outcome. When anger gives you energy to solve a problem, you need to figure out what the problem is … thinking with your head, not with your anger. As we find with most situations in life, how you manage your anger is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, forgive me for the times I have used my anger in sinful ways instead of as a positive force. I know I get irritated easily and for reasons that are me-centered. Help me to control my thoughts and actions and to use my anger in positive ways. Teach me to take all thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, not to my own desires. Help me to develop eyes that see life more clearly and from a bigger perspective, Your view. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ. And all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry … but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. 

Ephesians 4:26-27

Stepping Stones: “Turn To Jesus” Means…

May 5-6, 2012

“Turn To Jesus” Means…

Transformational Thought

Can you believe all the changes since the year 2000? Computers, laptops, iPads, cell phones, texting, the internet, Netflix. And that is only a slice of communications. So how refreshing is this fact … Jesus never changes! When you climbed out of bed this morning, regardless of how you might have felt, or the subtle changes you went through last night, Jesus had not changed during the night, the last decade, or the past 2000 years … or forever. He is trustworthy and consistent, a solid rock in which to ground yourself.

            Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

No matter what your situation, you can turn to Jesus. Turn to Jesus … what does that mean? Obviously not just a physical turning, but let’s look at something more practical and powerful. First, we need to turn away from the world’s values, the world’s way of measuring success, its influences, and its decision-making strategies. It means turning away from the desires of our flesh.

What choices are you facing? In every circumstance we all make one very key decision that determines the outcome of that particular situation. That key choice is, “Which lenses will I use to view, experience, and assess this particular event God has allowed to come into my life?” Turning toward Jesus really means understanding, grabbing hold of, and using God’s instruction, forgiveness, grace, promises, and character to form the lenses I will use to view each situation God brings my way. Following Jesus means … choosing His way and His lenses, not yours … choosing to receive His love and all that goes with it … choosing to trust Him.

If you use His lenses, of course you will still have problems and challenges. Remember the trials Jesus endured? But each one of these opportunities (yes, I called them opportunities) will be easier to navigate. And even more, you will get through them in a way that grows you psychologically and spiritually, because it won’t be you who responds to the adversity. Jesus, who lives in you, will be responding. You will perceive and respond in a Christ-like way, thus actually developing the Mind of Christ.

Today, choose to turn to and trust Jesus, doing things His way. Examine your lenses, that is your attitude or worldview. Do you engage in life’s adversities with a Godly perspective, or a me-centered view? God has room to work in your life. He will help you move on past the hurt, pain, and failures of the past. He will give you hope for the future. Use lenses based on who He is and what He teaches. Don’t use those distorted lenses with all the muck you’ve accumulated from this world. Your lenses are your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I do want to trust You … not just verbalize it, but actually trust you in every circumstance. I know You love me and that Your plan for me is the best plan. Please keep me on track … show me the next step … and the next one after that. I know turning to You isn’t physical, it is all mental. Help me turn it all over to You and allow Your perspective to be my lenses. Not just in the good times, but also in the times of testing and discomfort. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the one whom I choose to follow, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!

Proverbs 3:5-7

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Stepping Stones: Shortcuts: Better Think Twice

May 2, 2012

Shortcuts: Better Think Twice

Transformational Thought

On a recent business trip, I was standing in line at the omelet station of a nice restaurant serving brunch. Four or 5 people were ahead on me in line. Then a well dressed, middle-age man and his teenage son walked to the front of the line to place their orders. A couple of us gave him “The Look.” You know, the “you did something wrong, but I don’t want to be verbal and embarrass you or bring more attention to you.” The man seemed oblivious. Just before an older woman was ready to blow, the chef gently told the man there was a line.

As the man stepped back, I assumed he was just making an honest mistake, so I jokingly asked; “Were you trying to cut in line?” His response saddened me as he bragged in front of his son, “Absolutely … if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.”

It’s hard to measure, but it sure feels like our society is increasingly turning to shortcuts, and even cheating, to get what we want. And the guy in the omelet line was not only attempting to cheat … he even adopted a slogan to glorify it. If this is what he does in public, he must be even worse when no one is looking. He has no accountability is in place to contain his behavior. What is he teaching his young son?

Then I realized how often “I cut in line” during the day. Sleeping in … taking that extra doughnut or cookie … not confronting a situation that needs it … procrastinating on a less desirable project … judging someone before all the evidence is in … doing a task halfway … leaving a wrapper behind the garbage for someone else to pick up. And these all happened before lunch! I am too embarrassed to tell you my major “short-cuts” … otherwise known as bad habits, addictions, and dysfunctional patterns. These are the shortcuts I take away from God’s plan … how I cheat in life.

It’s unbelievable what we are willing to do to avoid a little discomfort. Then we rationalize that it’s self-protective, when actually, it is incredibly self-destructive. Our shortcuts harm our brain circuitry, our personality and psychological skill maturation. They are especially harmful to our spiritual walk: developing the Mind of Christ. You see, these shortcuts don’t renew the mind, They undermine, weaken, deceive, and brainwash our mind.

Today, examine your behaviors and actions. Are you taking shortcuts … or cheating? Why? Does it feeling “good” or avoid some discomfort worth sacrificing? When you cheat, you are actually cheating yourself. Even worse, you are cheating God out of the best you can offer. Sort of like Cain. Be mindful that even minor infractions eventually trend toward major violations. Conversely, small character- building actions truly renew your mind so you become a powerful lighthouse of good character. As always, the decision is yours … don’t harm yourself by choosing shortcuts, choose well.

Prayer

O God, I confess that I have been guilty of cheating … in small ways and in big ones. I ask for Your forgiveness, Father. I know You have protected me from the many consequences of my shortcuts. Thank You for Your amazing grace. I pray that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that He may guide me to the “right-way” … into “Your way” in all that I do. Help me to recognize that shortcuts are not beneficial to me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who always avoided shortcuts with ultimate integrity and character, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

Luke 16:10

The righteous detest the dishonest; the wicked detest the upright.

Proverbs 29:27

Stepping Stones: People Pleaser or God Pleaser?

April 27, 2012

People Pleaser or God Pleaser?

Transformational Thought

Who doesn’t want to see their kids happy, especially if we are the one bringing them delight? I love to please my daughters. But I also want to see them safe and healthy. So when they make unhealthy or dysfunctional requests, it is easy for me to say “NO!” … even though they aren’t pleased, and in fact, they might actually be upset, or cry because of my answer.

Need a couple of examples? What about when they ask … for their third bowl of ice cream … for the keys to the car and they’re only 13 … to stay out to midnight on a school night when they’re 14 … to camp out with a boyfriend, alone, when they are 16. All these will easily get a “no” answer from me regardless of how displeased my beloved daughters might be with my answer.

When fellow adults make dysfunctional requests, for some reason, for most of us, it is much harder to say “no”. Why is it hard to say ‘No’ to an adult? Sometimes it’s because I think they know more than I do about the particular situation … or they know what’s best for themselves more than I do … or I fear and hate being uneasy when people are mad or upset at me … or I fear their rejection … or I need their approval … or I need to  be needed or accepted. Too many “I need…” or “I fear…” lenses, based on a me-centered mentality, significantly interfere with our perspective, and lead to disrespectful, dysfunctional, or even sinful relational conduct.

When we focus on trying to please people by acting dysfunctionally, then our behavior is not serving or pleasing God. If we are truly His servants, then our primary goal will be to please Him first, not others.

When Jesus lived on earth, many who believed in Him would not admit their faith. Because these people were more concerned about personal safety and other people’s opinions rather than God’s opinion, they did not live out their faith. Likewise, when we live as people-pleasers, we are demonstrating the fact that we are more concerned about people’s approval instead of God’s … and therefore our walk with Him will always be hindered.

Today, ask yourself: What is my greatest perceived need or greatest perceived threat when someone makes a request of me … or when I feel the need to people-please in a relationship? Whom am I trying to please ... God or the person? Maybe most of your life is lived to please God, but there is still some situation … or some person … that triggers you to be a people-pleaser. God wants us to put Him first in all things … we cannot please Him by placing more importance on people’s opinions  … or our needs … over His. Pleasing God is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I do want to please You. Forgive me for the times I let my desire to be accepted by a person outweigh my desire to please You. Thank You for Your love and for accepting me unconditionally. Help me to be a better servant, doing the right thing, not the people-pleasing thing, as I grow healthy relationships with others. Give me courage and peace to withstand the pressure I feel when others are displeased with my answers. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who was the perfect servant, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

I am not trying to please people. I want to please God. Do you think I am trying to please people? If I were doing that, I would not be a servant of Christ. 

Galatians 1:10

Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. For they loved human praise more than the praise of God.

John 12:42-43

Kw: , Needs, People-Pleasing, Conflict

Stepping Stones: “You Did It, Why Can’t I”

March 3-4, 2012

Transformational Thought

Some mothers prepare their teenage daughters for premarital sexual activities by helping them with birth control plans. They may feel guilty asking their teenage daughters to abstain from sex outside of marriage, especially if they, as teenagers themselves, did not. Likewise, some fathers may look the other way when their teenage sons have sex, drink alcohol, or smoke pot … after all, we did it when we were teens … how can we say "no" now?

No matter what mistakes we may have made, that is history. If we have received Jesus' forgiveness, the past is past. This is today … and God is calling us right now to train our children in the way they should go ... the way that is pleasing to Him.

Because you broke rules and made mistakes does not mean that your children should follow the same pattern. It is vital that you learn from your wrongdoing and receive Christ's forgiveness. Next, God calls you to love your children enough to teach them the right way … God's way. But for your message to have real impact on them you need to do 3 things:
1. Don’t just tell them the right decision to make, but live it, be a role model.
2. Understand the reasons that those behaviors aren’t good and explain them to your child. Your explanations need to go deeper than “the Bible says so” or “because you’ll get in trouble.” You know firsthand the consequences and fruit of the flesh you reaped, both then and the ripples afterward. You need to examine what happened because God wants to use those experiences so your kids can benefit from them.
3. Start equipping your children with a concrete strategy so they can become better decision-makers. Teach them decision-making skills and the rewards and consequences they will experience physiologically (their brain chemistry is renewed), psychologically (their personality and skills mature and grow), and spiritually (their connection to and relationship with God grow more powerfully). Yes, knowing the benefits of doing the right thing will help motivate them to do the right thing.

Today, remember you don't have to do it alone. Ask God for the courage, the strength, and the wisdom to train your children in the way they should go. Today, do some self-assessment and see how you disciple and mentor those God gave to you with good decision-making skills. WITHIN REACH is a unique and valuable resource that teaches the detriments and process of poor decision-making, and how to move toward great decision-making. Life is your decision, so choose well, as many people are affected by your choices, especially your kids.

Prayer
Dear God, help me to guide and disciple my children so that they won't make the same mistakes that I did. Help me to train them in the way they should go. Help me understand how You designed me and why I make the decisions I make. Help me learn how to make Godly decisions and then teach these principles and motivations to my children. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One You sent to train me in the way I should go, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

The Lord your God will delight in you if you obey his voice and keep the commands and decrees written in this Book of Instruction, and if you turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and soul. This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand, and it is within your reach. Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Deuteronomy 30:10-11, 19-20

Stepping Stones: What Are You Hiding From?

March 2, 2012

Transformational Thought

For about 10 years, I had many insecurities and fears that led to numerous sinful decisions and behaviors. I made multiple excuses to myself, others, and God to avoid or deny the feelings, shame, and reality of my mistakes. My hole got deeper and deeper until I ended up in jail and finally had to be honest because I had no other excuses to give or places to hide.

Today's Scripture is much more lengthy than usual, but it expresses so beautifully the despair that so many of us experience … the despair that comes with hiding our sins from God. But it also reveals the great freedom we experience when we finally stop trying to hide our guilt, confess our sinful decisions to the Lord, and receive His loving forgiveness.

Even though painful feelings are unpleasant to experience, facing them honestly and dealing with their cause is essential to our ability to function and to feel fulfilled. If we want to be the person God has called us to be … if we want to stop hurting others and ourselves … if we want to experience the freedom and peace in our lives that Christ died for … we must face the truth and ask God for His forgiveness and His help. That is the first major decision. The second is to be good stewards of His help and instructions through Godly decision-making.

Jesus understands the damage that occurs when unpleasant feelings resulting from sins are ignored and pushed below the surface. He encourages us to approach Him like a little child … quick to be vulnerable … willing to share our feelings with Him … trusting that He will heal us, not rub salt in our wounds or take advantage of our vulnerability.

In childhood, there were times when we opened up, trusted, made ourselves vulnerable, and were then hurt. We weren’t stupid, so we figured the only way to avoid further hurt or let down anymore was to hold it all in, not open up, be skeptical of others, not share our mistakes, questions or insecurities. Satan wants us to keep our wrongs in the dark because He knows the Light will allow truth in, and let healing prevail.

Today, think about sin in your life that you may be hiding … especially from yourself. God loves you and is ready for you to come to Him. He is your loving Father. Come to Him as the psalmist did. Then you can join the psalmist in rejoicing: "Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, 'I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone." Develop the Spiritual Discipline of confession. Look at our Spiritual Basics link. It reconnects you to God and puts Him back on the throne of your heart so healing can begin. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I confess my rebellion and my sins. Forgive me for trying to hide it for so long. Thank You for Your unconditional love, for Your forgiveness, and for the peace that only You can give. Empower me with trust to come to You and be vulnerable when I am afraid of experiencing old wounds. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One you sent to teach me about unconditional love, honesty, and humility, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My Strength evaporated like water in the heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the LORD." Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.
Psalm 32:1-7

Stepping Stones: The Invisible Walls of Prejudice

February 29, 2012

Transformational Thought

I have been blessed to travel to Kenya, Uganda, and Iraq. When I preached in Kenya, I was the only white person in a church of 500! And this summer I will lead a team of 6, including two of my daughters, into Uganda. These unique mission trips have been some of the Super Bowl highlights of my life. Why is this so surprising? Because I grew up surrounded by prejudice and was a mega-bigot. Evidence of God’s power is His ability to transform my sinful attitude so that now I can actually connect with and help my African and Middle Eastern brothers and sisters overcome their prejudices and conflicts.

Yesterday, we opened up the topic of prejudice and discussed some of the causes and harmful effects of prejudicial thinking and decisions. Most of us tend to pre-judge people based on how they look or dress, what their family members are like, how they talk, stereotypes built by the media of particular social, economic or ethnic groups, and on many other superficial and erroneous characteristics.

There is danger in rejecting or misjudging someone because they are different from us. First of all, the Bible tells us that prejudice is a sin, one that blocks our ability to love others as God wants us to. We could even miss blessings from God, both in this world and in the eternal one, by rejecting strangers due to prejudice. People made this same mistake when they rejected Jesus as the promised Messiah and King. Because Jesus did not come in the way they expected a king to come, they erroneously judged Him as a liar and heretic, and they crucified Him.

We can also miss an opportunity to bless others, or to be blessed by them and God when we allow walls of prejudice, even subtle ones, to build. We may overlook an opportunity to help someone find Jesus. We ourselves may lose an opportunity to find Jesus more clearly or to know Him on a deeper level. Don’t put the other person, yourself, or especially God in a box that limits capabilities and impact.

These walls are made from our bricks of ignorance, insecurity, and lack of trust in God … lacking trust in His power and sovereignty. Allowing God into these areas will clean our prejudicial lenses, allowing us to see people as God truly sees them.

Today, ask God to help you identify the walls you have built around yourself and recognize how they interfere with your ability to see and engage with people the way God wants you to. Examine yourself and your heart. What are some of the wounds and fears that smudge your lenses as God brings different people into your life? You can begin removing those barriers between yourself and others. Ask Him to help you look on the inside and see people as He does. Only then can the love of Jesus flow freely through you to everyone He brings your way. WITHIN REACH will help you search yourself and your past to identify and heal those wounds and distortions. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
O Gracious God, I do want the love of Jesus to flow freely through me to every person You place in my life. Forgive me for sometimes blocking this flow when I judge others by outward appearances. I know I have wounds and distorted lenses. Give me courage to overcome my fears and insecurities. Help me see myself through Your lenses so I don’t need to look down on others to feel important in this world. Help me clear my vision so I can see each individual as You do and respond to them with Your love. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who sees all the best in me, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Yes indeed, it is good when you obey the royal law as found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you favor some people over others, you are committing a sin. You are guilty of breaking the law.
James 2:8-9

Stepping Stones: Prejudice Means to “Pre-Judge”

February 28, 2012

Transformational Thought

Once when my oldest daughters were about 7 and 5, we went on our monthly Saturday morning date to McDonalds. After sitting down, a tattooed, pierced girl, heavy with make-up and funky colored hair, and wearing a McDonald’s uni and cap jumped into our booth right next to my girls. Their eyes popped out and their jaws dropped. The girl then loudly cried, “Dr. Benzio, look at me. I’m off drugs, I got a job, I’m back in school, and I broke up with that loser boyfriend you warned me about. Thank you so much for giving my life back to me!” Then she smiled at the girls and asked, “Are these yours? They are so lucky.” Needless to say, they didn’t feel lucky because they were so scared. Why? Because they pre-judged.

Prejudice can creep into our lives without our awareness of what is happening. Sometimes it's so subtle, we don't recognize it. We might choose one cashier's line over another because of race, a tattoo, clothes, or general appearance. In church or any public gathering, we may select seats next to people who "look like us." The flip side can also happen, like assuming that people with power or wealth are unapproachable by anyone not in their league. But this, too, is judgment based on prejudice, not on fact.

Prejudice shows a lack of respect for another person. You see, based on one general characteristic, you are saying you know a person without ever hearing their unique story. You are rejecting them based on that one attribute. It is lazy and disrespectful to yourself as well, but mostly it is disrespectful to God and His sovereignty. Pre-judging puts others in a box, limiting who they are … who they can become. It also puts you in a box, limiting what you are able to be, to learn, or imagine about yourself. And most importantly, pre-judging really limits God and puts Him in a box … denying His power to fully transform hearts and individuals. You are telling God you can predict the other person’s character and future … saying God has no plan for them.

People are people … no matter what their skin color, economic status, education, style, nationality or neighborhood. We all want to be loved and respected by others. We all experience painful times and good times. We all want to be understood. But because of our insecurities … our need to be important … we put others down to give the perception that we are better than we really are. Instead, we need to look to God to grow us see ourselves as equal heirs in His kingdom.

Have you ever experienced the brunt of prejudice? If so, you understand the hurt it can bring. Ask God to use that experience to teach you to lay aside all prejudice towards others and, when possible, take time getting to know the real person in front of you. Let’s ask God to teach us to look at their heart.

Today, stop and notice why you think or relate to someone the way you do. Is it because you pre-judged, or is it based on data this person actually revealed to you? One of the biggest reasons we don’t witness to others very much is our prejudicial ideas about that person. Don’t prejudge. Enjoy the experience of asking questions and getting to know someone God loves, someone He put into your life for a reason. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, Help me remember that people are people. Help me not to look down on anyone … or to be intimidated by anyone. You are the great equalizer. Jesus died for every person. Every person needs forgiveness. Every person needs Jesus. In my relationships with others, help me move past the outward appearance and see the heart. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One You sent to save everyone, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart
1 Samuel 16:7

And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” And He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How does it read to you?” And he answered, “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” And He said to him, “You have answered correctly; DO THIS AND YOU WILL LIVE.” But wishing to justify himself, he said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” Jesus replied and said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead. “And by chance a priest was going down on that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. “Likewise a Levite also, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. “But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion, and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him. “On the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I return I will repay you.’ “Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers’ hands?” And he said, “The one who showed mercy toward him.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do the same.”
Luke 25-37
(I love this story so I put the whole passage! This is what Lighthouse Network strives to do daily)

Stepping Stones: What Do I Do? Try “Care-Fronting”

January 18, 2012

Transformational Thought

Every month, our incredibly compassionate and expert Care Guides take 600 calls on our National Addiction and Mental Health Helpline. We guide callers through the complex healthcare system and connect them to the best treatment options that will address all 3 spheres for their situations. Half of our calls are from the patients themselves, but the other half are from loved ones, mainly parents or spouses of the struggling individual. The loved ones need help knowing what to do. Do they walk on eggshells, try to make nicey-nice to minimize the stress and hopefully lessen dysfunction, or do they confront and risk a blow out and more dysfunction?

Issues that strongly impact life often turn into to life-taking addictions … to a substance, or a certain feeling or thinking pattern. Callers are trying to avoid the guilt they will feel from making the wrong choice if their loved one dies from suicide, overdose, or an accident from their disorder. Talking with a friend or loved one with a life-impacting problem can be like talking to a brick wall. But that wall can be broken down … brick by brick.

Does someone you love struggle with a life-interfering mindset, emotion, or behavior? When you try to talk to them about it, do your words seem to bounce back at you, as though they've hit a brick wall? Try this: picture a man behind a brick wall, becoming trapped as he continues to lay brick, building the wall higher and higher. In his mind, each brick is a way to defend himself … but in reality the wall is trapping him, not defending him. Denial has blinded this loved one to his real condition.

In his book Caring Enough to Confront, David Augsburger uses the term "care-fronting." This is a communication technique that combines love and caring with confrontation. Caring confrontation can chip away bit by bit at the wall of delusion that hides reality from your loved ones … the reality of the reason they are spiraling, and the reality that an answer does exist to turn the spiral in the other direction. When you are able to get rid of anger and replace it with caring, confronting your loved one with the truth can actually be the most loving thing you can do directly to them.

A dear friend, Connie, told me how she "care-fronted." Early in her marriage she was experiencing a marital situation that she knew could become volatile if she confronted her husband. She devised a technique that always worked. She would craft a loving letter, detailing the issue and its effect on her and the marriage, and leave it on the pillow. When he came home from the office, it was his custom to go upstairs to change his clothes. He would see it and read it in private and take it all in. He always thanked her "for the very good letter" and then worked on solutions for the situation.

The bridges through the wall are made of care and are really derived from a growing relationship with God first. From there we can shine His love and care onto our struggling loved one. As God grows in us, His forgiveness of us will melt the hurt we feel from our loved one and allow us to see that loved one through Godly lenses so that real care and real love can flow from us to them.

Today, make a commitment to confront your loved ones, to speak the truth in love … not in anger or condemnation … in order to help them tear down their walls of defense, brick by brick, until they are able to see themselves as they really are … someone made in God’s image, someone God loves and sent His son to die for. God wants to use us to deliver that message, first modeling it, and then saying it. God doesn’t give up on you … don’t give up on others. Your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear God, Lord, help me be more honest with myself and with those I care about so much. Help me look beyond their faults to their needs … and then to express the reality of the situation to them … in love. Tune me into Your Holy Spirit’s guidance so that I may speak as Christ would speak. I pray that love for You and them will make me tell the truth. I pray this in the name of the One who crushed my wall so I could be freed, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Ephesians 4:15

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.
Proverbs 12:16

Stepping Stones: Are You a People-Pleaser or God-Pleaser?

Transformational Thought

In high school, I knew laughing at a dirty joke was wrong, but I did, and would even follow it up with another dirty joke. Why? To be funny? Because I was sexually pre-occupied? No! Because I feared the rejection of my peers. I didn’t want to be left out of their popular group, or be laughed at for being too straight-laced. Although good at many activities, I was still insecure and needed people’s approval.

For many of us, fear of people’s opinions is so deeply ingrained in our minds and our hearts that it’s woven into the daily fabric of our life and decision-making. Fear debilitates us in so many relationships in so many ways. Fear of bodily harm is blatantly impacting. But while common when we are children, it is fairly uncommon for most adults relationships, except for the tragedy of domestic violence.

For most adults though, fear of others creeps up on us in more subtle ways. Like the fear of being rejected …or being left out … maybe not being accepted … or looking foolish in another person’s eye. Fear could be someone judging you as incompetent or just not being valued. We never set out to be afraid of these things, but due to past hurts or mistakes, these anxieties secretively, but powerfully, warp our relational lenses. This can affect our relationships with those very close to us like our spouses, and also affect how we act in front of total strangers.

While trying to be a “people-pleaser” may appear harmless on the surface, it can create crippling fear. Elevating other’s assessment of us to idol status, worshipping it, is what we are actually doing. People-pleasing usually requires us to compromise truthful, healthy functioning and replace it with dysfunctional, distorted processing and behavior. Often, we ultimately choose to please others and displease God, instead of displeasing others to please God. Fear of displeasing others allows this downward spiral to accelerate and we then feel out of control, because we have given control and power of our life-steering mechanism to the people whose positive opinions we crave.

Today, watch you interactions with others. How much of your conduct is shaped by wanting to please them? Do you think about what God wants from you in that situation? Begin replacing the fear of displeasing others with the sadness of displeasing the One who faced total rejection and death for you, Your Lord. Make pleasing Him your highest priority. In general, we try to please people so that they will give us what we want … approval, value, importance, hope, love, acceptance, forgiveness, destiny, safety, or comfort. Turn your trust to God who is the only source of providing all these things, and so much more … everyday.

Prayer
Dear Father, I am just beginning to realize just how fearful I am of others. I confess, Father, to being a “people-pleaser.” I am too concerned about displeasing others and looking foolish in their eyes. Help free me of this fear, Father, by developing a deeper trust in You. I know that trusting in others is risky while trusting in You is safe. I know that You have everything I need … that Your riches will never run short. Father, I desire deeply to change and to eliminate my fear of others. I pray in the name of the one who died for me, Your Son Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
But he said to them, "It is I; don't be afraid."
John 6:20

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.
Proverbs 29:25

Then Nebuchadnezzar in furious rage commanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be brought. So they brought these men before the king. Nebuchadnezzar answered and said to them, "Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up? But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?"
If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.
But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.
Daniel 3:13,14,17,18

Stepping Stones: Be a Kid!

Transformational Thought

The most rewarding memories I have as a father were when one of my daughters would come to me with a problem. Still to this day, a call from one of my children needing help or guidance evokes such a sense of urgency in me …helping them becomes my highest priority.

My girl’s requests and my opportunities to help generate a sense of wellbeing in me for a number of reasons; it tells me they know I love them, tells me that they love me, and finally, it tells me they trust me. As children, we all start off believing our father has super-human power to tackle and solve any problem, and our mother can soothe and comfort any pain or suffering.

Magical thinking and willingness to suspend reality to believe the impossible, is possible…Examples of magical thinking like, limitations don’t apply to our parents…our parents can read our minds…parents can make our dreams come true.

This is the same mindset we need, a young child’s mind. A mind not yet fully contaminated by the world’s hurts, failures, and letdowns, to have a perfect model on how to view God. Maybe this is the reason scripture tells us over and again that being “childlike” is so very important. It’s more than important; Jesus even states it is a requirement to enter the kingdom of God.

God, as our supreme Father, loves us beyond our human comprehension. And doesn’t a loving father want only the best for his children? Satan uses our parents and the world’s failures to douse this awesome child-like supernatural expectation, understanding, and belief that God instilled and wants to see in us. God’s ways are mysterious to an adult, but to a child, they make perfect sense.

Today, begin receiving the kingdom of God like a little child. Take a confusing or frustrating situation in your day today, and suspend your cynicism and distrust…don’t put God in a box with walls determined by your past hurts, letdowns, and imperfect authority figures. Turn to your Father and ask for His help. Show Him that you love and trust Him…acknowledge your awareness that He loves you. Show child-like adoration, trust, belief, and expectation. Then results happen! Your decision, choose well!

Prayer
Dear Father, You are such a loving and generous Father. Thank You, Lord. All glory to You, Father. Like a child turns to their earthly father, I turn to You for love, wisdom, guidance…and especially protection from all things that may bring me harm. I place my trust in You, Father…I trust You completely. With You, I feel safe. Help me today, and everyday, to keep Your truths before me…to keep You before me always. Fill me with Your Spirit, my heavenly Father, so that I may grasp the magnitude of Your love for me. I pray that all those who are part of the Stepping Stones community grasp the enormity of Your love for them, Your children. I pray to You in the sacred name of my Lord and brother, Your Son Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
“I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Luke 18:17

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:32

Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:4

Stepping Stones: Are You a BOB?

Transformational Thought

In the middle of junior year, I moved to New Jersey to finish high school. I left behind a lot of friends I had known for several years. We shared many great experiences together. New Jersey was different in so many ways … some good and some bad, but especially many temptations and a faster pace than I was ready for.

Upon moving, the biggest dilemma for me was not knowing who to hang out with … the popular guys … the jocks … the heads (drugs) … the troublemakers … the punkers … the brains … the clowns … the Italians. Thinking back, I never thought of hanging out with the Christians, because they seemed boring and I feared rejection or ridicule from the others. Each group had pros and cons. I didn’t realize that the group I picked would have a major influence on me.

During the first days at the new school, I met my new baseball coach … a different guy with a mixed reputation among the students. On away-game bus trips, he had a saying, “Don’t be a BOB!” I asked my teammates what the heck a “BOB” was and they told me: B.O.B … Back of the Bus-er. Coach knew troublemakers always went to the back of the bus to smoke, make-out, vandalize the seats, pick on others, gossip about teammates or coaches, moon other cars, etc.

I looked at who was at the back, both on the team bus and the morning bus to school, and I realized that he was right. BOB wasn’t necessarily a geographic identifier as much as a character identifier. Are you a BOB? Do you hang out with BOBs? How do you identify the BOBs as an adult? Are you a BOB follower? Do you try to prove yourself to or get the attention of the BOBs?

Today, take a look at your character. Are you handling yourself the way you should? How could you be an anti-BOB in tough situations, trying instead to be a Lighthouse to others? Do you allow BOBs to influence you? Why are you going to the back of the bus if you know that’s where the BOB’s are? If you don’t make an intentional decision to avoid the BOBs, you will gravitate to them and they will influence you. Remember, some BOBs are wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing, so watch out for the subtle deceptions of the evil one. Some of you might be equipped to influence the BOBs in your family or life. That is a great opportunity and challenge, but comes with potential for them to influence you. So be careful if you are called to God’s Special Forces for that mission. Don’t be a BOB. Be an anti-BOB!

Prayer
Dear Father, thank You for loving me even when my character at times is questionable and I act like a BOB. Thanks for sending Your son to model the character that delights You and that also brings me the most fulfillment in life. Please help me develop eyes that recognize BOBs and anti-BOBs and courage to avoid the acute thrills the BOBs will bring. Help me submit to the Holy Spirit’s guidance as I see those You put in my life to guide me and model Godly character. Help me be more aware of the influence I have on my kids and family, and be a better steward of my heart and the behaviors that flow out of it. In Jesus’ precious name; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;
1 Corinthians 1:26-27

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.
Titus 2:7-8

Stepping Stones: How Should We “Judge” One Another?

Transformational Thought

Yesterday, we opened up the topic of judging others. We saw how we are called not to judge but yet called to judge. We tried to differentiate between these two seemingly contradictory callings. The main element that clarifies the confusion involves looking at the heart of both the judger and the judged. You see, we are to judge others behaviors, but not their heart.

So what right do we have to condemn others? We are not perfect. Jesus made this clear to the crowd condemning the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-9). They were clamoring to stone her, but Jesus asked, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." One by one, her accusers disappeared.

Condemnation is such a final judgment, and we don’t have the right, authority, or power to condemn anyone. Only God has the perfect slate and is the author of the standard to declare, and, more importantly, carry out the final judgment of “Condemned!”

But according to the Bible, we are called as parents to correct our children … to pick elders and church leaders with certain character … to vote for Godly leaders … to be a third party helping settle a dispute between two brothers. So again, the permission to judge rests in the motivating engine in our heart that drives our criteria and actions as we judge another person.

If the motivation for judging someone is to condemn, shame, mock, belittle, or somehow, lower them … or to exalt ourselves, then obviously, this is not the kind of peer judging God calls us to engage in. But isn’t this the definition of what our flesh, that inner core of our insecure being, all about? Satan certainly does all he can to accentuate this mentality and tempt us to fall into lazy, me-centered behavior.

On the contrary, our motivation needs to be one of compassion, love, service, and encouragement. Trying to help someone avoid reaping the perilous fruit of the flesh that continued wrong behavior produces. Being the vehicle or mouthpiece of God, trying to direct them to God and His Word as their source of direction, healing, and transformation so they can overcome inappropriate or sinful behavior.

Another component to consider is how we approach the behaviors in question. Since we don’t know their motivations, we need to ask questions. Help them recognize the misconduct and start to help them search their hearts for the motivations, fears, issues, and me-centered process that led to the wrong behavior. We also want them to know God’s forgiveness, and His desire to receive them back into a transforming relationship with Him.

Today, jot down on a piece of paper the names of people in your life whose behavior God allows you to monitor and judge. Examine your heart and motivations in this assignment. If God has put you in a special position to speak into another person’s life, do it with love and with the motivations described above. You can be a great catalyst in their spiritual walk … or a major stumbling block … depending on where your heart is as you handle this assignment from God and for God.

Prayer
O God, I know I am sometimes quick to judge … and to condemn. Please forgive me. Help me to really see how you want to partner with me in ministry and have put people in my life for me to “judge”. Help me recognize the seriousness of this responsibility and guard my heart from my flesh and Satan. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One slow to judge, always a servant, and quick to forgive, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?" This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.
John 8:3-9

Stepping Stones: To Judge Or Not To Judge

Transformational Thought

Like it or not, we are judging something all the time. Someone’s clothes … hair … car … house … cleanliness … weight … attitude. Some say it is wrong to judge, and we are not to judge … that judging is up to God. He is the only one who has the right and authority to judge. So they will often quote, “judge not lest ye be judged.”

But in the Bible, we are called as parents to correct our children … to pick elders and church leaders with certain character … to vote for Godly leaders … to judge false Bible teachers … to confront gossiping, addiction, or adulterous behavior … even to be a third party helping settle a dispute between two Christian brothers.

How can we carry out these duties without judging the individuals? What a dilemma … to judge or not to judge. How do we know when to judge and when to sit tight? Sorting out these contradictory instructions and scenarios is complex, and I don’t want to oversimplify, but most can be boiled down to this: what’s at the center of your heart motivating your behavior, either as the judge or the judged?

Only God can see into hearts and truly judge the full scope of an event. We can judge conduct, but only hypothesize about the motivation leading to the person’s conduct. God knows everything and judges accurately, impartially, and according to absolute truth. We are too limited to make the same quality judgments. We are called to judge conduct (tomorrow we will look at that element a little more), but not to judge someone’s heart. We do need to make sure our motives for judging conduct are focused on God and serve the person we are judging.

Today, try to determine whether you are judging a person’s heart or their conduct. If you are judging heart, that is a dangerous area that needs to be approached with extreme caution. If you are called to judge a person’s conduct, examine your heart and motives. Then glorify God in how you present that assessment to the individual you are called to serve.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I know I am sometimes quick to judge … and to condemn. Please forgive me. Help me understand my own issues better, and resolve my needs so I don’t feel compelled to judge and ridicule others to lessen my fears, anxieties, or insecurities and inadequacies. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One quickest to forgive, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;”
Luke 6:37

There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
James 4:12

Stepping Stones: Unresolved Anger Has Poisonous Roots!

Transformational Thought

When you feel angry with someone or something, do you express your feelings … or do you hold the anger inside? People who bury their anger usually believe they are doing the right thing by appearing calm on the outside. The reality, however, is that unresolved anger can fester and develop into resentment, bitterness, or even depression.

Some people respond to anger by immediately holding it in, but then releasing it or letting it go a short time later without hurting themselves or others. When we handle our feelings like this, the results are often beneficial. But if you tend to hold your anger inside and grow resentful, ask God to help you share your angry feelings with people as they occur. Not in a rage or with unkind words … just an honest expression of your feelings.

The Bible teaches that we shouldn't carry anger overnight. Get it settled before going to bed. Otherwise, it is likely that resentment will begin to grow. We see various passages in the Bible where God and Jesus expressed their anger or displeasure.

As we discussed yesterday, anger is just a God-given warning system … letting us know when a real or potential problem exists. Until you actually do something about the underlying problem, your brain will continue to, thankfully, warn you. Not addressing the problem is what allows anger to grow, fester, and either overflow and come out in harmful ways, or be directed inward leading to real negative self-talk, low self-image, depression, isolation, self-loathing, and a whole list of battles against ourselves.

Perhaps you are already experiencing bitterness because of past unexpressed grievances. The answer … Acknowledge the hurt … Forgive or ask for forgiveness … Then address and solve the original problem your anger warned about. You won’t have to try so hard to let go of the anger … because, when the problem is resolved, that original anger will go away.

Holding on to bitterness can damage your relationship with God, relationships with others, and your peace of mind. It even harms your health, especially your heart, blood pressure, digestive system, and brain chemistry. Being a problem solver, and forgiving and being forgiven can change all that. Ask God … He will help you.

Today, notice if someone is angry. Ask them, “You seem angry or upset. There must be some problem that your anger is warning you about. Can I help you work or solve that problem?” You can ask the same to yourself as well. WITHIN REACH helps you understand and utilize these negative feelings to be a great decision-maker.

Prayer
Dear Father God, forgive me and help me deal with this resentment I have been carrying. Give me the strength and wisdom to acknowledge the hurt, control my anger, identify and solve the underlying issue, and forgive and move forward. Thank You for the wonderful way You designed me. Help me understand that design better so I can be a great steward of my mind and free will by using my emotions in the way You designed. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the best mirror for my eye exam, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many
Hebrews 12:15