Showing posts with label Approval. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Approval. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Stepping Stones: Who Are You?

January 24, 2012

Transformational Thought

When someone asks, “Who are you?,” what do you reply? Most say things like, I am a housewife … a psychiatrist (fill in your profession) … a father, soccer mom, or volunteer. Sometimes a role we play in life can become our main identity. Our world then actually revolves around that part of our life ... and it can make us feel pretty good about ourselves. Super mom ... world's best dad ... successful career person ... accomplished musician ... popular pastor ... well-known writer ... politician ... beloved teacher ... computer whiz ... helper of others - like doctor, nurse, volunteer for a non-profit, feeder of the homeless. These can all be good roles to play. But, if we aren’t careful, they can hinder our growth and even lead to our downfall.

When we start thinking the role we play is our main identity in life, our focus on Jesus and His plan for us will certainly diminish. Then pride can set in as we think this great accomplishment is our own doing. On the opposite end, fear can set in. We have so much invested in that persona, and now others’ expectations are so high, we have to keep up that persona so people will know us and care about us … otherwise we wouldn’t know what else to do.

Watching the Super Bowl and its amazing athletes, you see that some of them get defined by their skill and then even develop a persona around that. Unfortunately, this posing leads them down some terrible paths. Mike Vick, Ben Roethlisberger, Tiger Woods, OJ Simpson, Rush Limbaugh, Bill Clinton, Charlie Sheen, and Lindsay Lohan are examples of what happens when what we do (and excel at) becomes our identity and it spirals out of control.

As Christians, we all have the same innate identity … we are children of God and followers of Christ. He will give us a different combination of gifts, have us grow through diverse experiences and situations, lead us into distinct roles, and give us opportunities to represent Him wherever we are and whatever we do. But the bottom line is this: We are his children. That's our main identity. It's who we are … and nothing could be better.

We need to keep that mindset and focus at all times, because this dramatically affects how we view the circumstances we experience and the people we interact with … every single day. This powerful identity should strongly influence our decision making, because this is where true peace, confidence, and self-control begins.

Today, think about how you view and identify yourself. How has this affected your course in life? If you answer the question, “follower of and ambassador for Christ”, ask if this is an intellectual answer only, or one that truly determines your daily thoughts, feelings, and actions. Make it your identity and attitude today! Journal about some of your wrong decisions, your mistakes. Who were you in that moment? The answer, if you are honest, will be very revealing and a great place for you to work. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Father, thank You for the gifts and opportunities You've given me. Help me to always remember that I am first and foremost Your child. Help me to use these gifts and opportunities to honor You. May I never become proud of myself for anything I do. Help me to always remember that all good and perfect gifts come from You. Encourage and equip me to see myself through Your lenses only. I pray this and all prayers through the One who gives us our identity, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
So I have reason to be enthusiastic about all Christ Jesus has done through me in my service to God. Yet I dare not boast about anything except what Christ has done through me.
Romans 15:17-18

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Stepping Stones: People Pleaser or God Pleaser?

Transformational Thought

I love to please my daughters. Who doesn’t want to see their kids happy, especially if we are the one bringing them delight? But I also want to see them safe and healthy. So when they make unhealthy or dysfunctional requests, it is easy for me to say “NO!” … even though they aren’t pleased, or are actually upset, or cry because of my answer.

Don’t believe me? What about when they ask … for their third bowl of ice cream … for the keys to the car and they’re only 13 … to stay out to midnight on a school night when they are 14 … to camp out with a boyfriend, alone, when they are 16. All these will easily get a “no” answer from me regardless of how displeased my beloved daughters are.

When fellow adults make dysfunctional requests, for some reason, for most of us, it is harder to say “no”. Whether I think they know more than I do about the particular situation … or they know what’s best for themselves more than I do … or I fear and hate being uneasy when people are mad or upset at me … or I fear their rejection … or I need their approval … or I need to be needed or accepted. Many “I need…” or “I fear…” lenses, based on a me-centered mentality, significantly interfere with our perspective, and lead to disrespectful, dysfunctional, or even sinful relational conduct.

When we focus on trying to please people by acting dysfunctionally, we are not serving God. If we are truly His servants, then our primary goal will be to please Him first, not others.

When Jesus lived on earth, many who believed in Him would not admit their faith. Because these people were more concerned about personal safety and other people’s opinions rather than God’s opinion, they did not live out their faith. Likewise, when we live as people-pleasers, we are demonstrating the fact that we are more concerned about people’s approval instead of God’s … and therefore our walk with Him will always be hindered.

Today, ask yourself: What is my greatest perceived need or greatest perceived threat when someone makes a request of me … or when I feel the need to people-please in a relationship? Whom am I trying to please ... God or the person? Maybe most of your life is lived to please God, but there is still some situation … or some person … that sparks you to be a people-pleaser. God wants us to put Him first in all things … we cannot please Him by placing more importance on people’s opinions … or our needs … over His.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I do want to please You. Forgive me for the times I let my desire to be accepted by a person outweigh my desire to please You. Thank You for Your love and for accepting me unconditionally. Help me to be a better servant, doing the right thing, not the people-pleasing thing, as I grow healthy relationships with others. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who was the perfect servant, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
I am not trying to please people. I want to please God. Do you think I am trying to please people? If I were doing that, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. For they loved human praise more than the praise of God.
John 12:42-43

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Stepping Stones: Who Are You?

Transformational Thought

When someone asks you the question, “Who are you?” what do you reply? Most say, I am a housewife … a psychiatrist (fill in your profession) … a father, soccer mom, or volunteer.

Sometimes a role we play in life can become our main identity. Our world then actually revolves around that part of our life ... and it can make us feel pretty good about ourselves.

Super mom ... world's best dad ... successful career person ... accomplished musician ... popular pastor ... well-known writer ... politician ... beloved teacher ... computer whiz ... helper of others: like doctor, nurse, volunteer for a non-profit, feeder to the homeless.

These can all be good roles to play—but, if we aren’t careful, they can hinder our growth and even lead to our downfall. When we start thinking the role we play is our main identity in life, defining us, our focus on Jesus and his plan for us will certainly diminish. Then pride can set in as we think this great accomplishment is our own doing. Or on the opposite end, fear can set in. We have to keep up that persona so people will know us and care about us … otherwise we wouldn’t know what else to do.

Watching the Super Bowl and these amazing athletes, you see that some of them get defined by their skill and then even develop a persona around that. Unfortunately, this posing leads them down some terrible paths. Mike Vick, Ben Roethlisberger, Tiger Woods, and OJ Simpson are a couple examples of what happens when what we do and are excel at becomes our identity and it gets out of control.

As Christians, we all have the same innate identity … we are children of God and followers of Christ. He will give us a different combination of gifts, have us grow through different experiences and situations, lead us into different roles, and give us opportunities to represent Him wherever we are and whatever we do.

But the bottom line is this: We are his children. That's our main identity. That's who we are … and nothing could be better. We need to keep that mindset and focus throughout each day, as this dramatically affects how we view the circumstances we experience and the people we interact with … everyday.

Today, think about who you view yourself as. How has this affected your course in life? If you answer the question, “follower of and ambassador for Christ”, ask if this is an intellectual answer only, or one that truly determines your thoughts, feelings, and actions in your experiences today? Make it your identity and attitude today! Your decision, choose well.

Prayer
Father, thank You for the gifts and opportunities You've given me. Help me to always remember that I am, first and foremost, Your child ... and to use these gifts and opportunities to honor You. May I never become proud of myself for anything I do. Help me to always remember that all good and perfect gifts come from You. I pray this and all prayers for the One who gives us our identity, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
So I have reason to be enthusiastic about all Christ Jesus has done through me in my service to God. Yet I dare not boast about anything except what Christ has done through me.
Romans 15:17-18

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Stepping Stones: Posing? For Who?

Transformational Thought

When I was 26 years old, I was the greatest thing since sliced bread…in my eyes. But when I met someone I was infatuated with, I would try so hard to hide the skeletons, hurts, defects, scars, and fears swirling inside of me. I feared if she saw those things, she would surely reject me. I was posing, pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

So many activities and experiences of childhood reinforce this scary and isolating concept of conditional acceptance. I know now my parents loved me through thick and thin as a child. But many times that wasn’t so clear. I would interpret, actually misinterpret, their words, facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, consequences doled out, or their sharp critique of my activities as rejection based on my performance.

You see, most Earthly systems, excluding our government, are mainly works-based systems. Perform well, and get lots of acknowledgment and rewards. Mess up, and get criticism and lose lots.

Unfortunately, this conditional acceptance is a habit or pattern of thinking and viewing the world that flooded into my spiritual world as well. For so long, I had closed off parts of my life from God. I didn’t want Him to reject me, so I tried to hide my broken areas. I believed I could only bring a “cleaned-up” version of myself to Him.

How ignorant…how futile. Wounds and sins that we try to shut away from the light of His love will only fester, get worse, and then infect other areas of our life. Like a computer virus, we usually don’t realize what happens ‘til a lot of damage occurs. Secret sins that we try to “hide” from our Lord can split off and develop lives of their own… controlling us without us even realizing it while creating and building debilitating fear.

Today, open yourself completely to God. Open yourself to His transforming and healing presence. Let his brilliant love-light search out and destroy your hidden fears. Tell Him directly about one fear you struggled with today. The sooner you let Him into all those areas, the sooner His instruction and healing can soothe your hurts and transform your heart and mind for lasting fulfillment and joy.

Prayer
Dear Father, You know me inside and out. I no longer want to hide things from You. I am tired of hiding my wounds from You, then having to bear them all myself. Thank you for taking my yoke, and bearing my pains. I pray that Your love-light will seep deeply into the inner recesses of my being. Help me to understand Your perfect love…and to believe that perfect love drives out fear. I pray this in the unconditional name of Jesus, and all God’s children said – AMEN!

The Truth
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Stepping Stones: People Pleaser or God Pleaser?

Transformational Tip

I love to please my daughters. Who doesn’t want to see their kids happy, especially if we can be the one bringing them delight. But we also want to see them safe and healthy, so when they make unhealthy or dysfunctional requests, it is easy to say “NO!”…even though they aren’t pleased or are actually upset by our answer.

Don’t believe me? What about when they ask for…their third bowl of ice cream…the keys to the car and they are only 13…to stay out to midnight when they are 14 on a school night…or camp out with boyfriend, alone, when they are 16. All these will easily get a “No” answer from me regardless of how displeased my beloved daughters are to me.

When fellow adults make dysfunctional requests, for some reason, for most of us, it is harder to say “No”. Whether I think they know more than I do about the particular situation…they know what’s best for themselves…I fear and hate being uneasy when people are mad or upset at me …I fear being rejected by them…I need their approval…I need acceptance. Many “I need…” or “I fear…” lenses, based on me centered mentality, significantly interfere with our perspective and lead to dysfunctional, sinful, relational conduct.

When we focus on trying to please people by acting dysfunctionally, we are not serving God. If we are truly His servants, our primary goal will be to please Him.

When Jesus lived on earth, many who believed in Him would not admit their faith. Because these people were more concerned about people’s opinions than God’s, they did not live out their faith. Likewise, when we live as people pleasers, we are demonstrating the fact that we are more concerned about their approval than God’s…and our walk with him is hindered.

Today, ask yourself; What is my greatest perceived need or greatest perceived threat when someone makes a request of me…or I feel the need to act in a relationship. Who am I trying to please?...God or the person. Maybe most of your life is lived to please God, but there is still some situation…or some person…that sparks you to be a people-pleaser. God wants us to put Him first in all things…we cannot please Him by placing more importance on people’s opinions …and our needs… over His.
Click here to share your perspective about trying to please others.

Prayer
Dear Father God, , I do want to please you. Forgive me for the times I let my desire to be accepted by a person outweigh my desire to please you. Thank you for your love and for accepting me unconditionally. Help me to be a better servant. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who was the perfect servant, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
I am not trying to please people. I want to please God. Do you think I am trying to please people? If I were doing that, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. For they loved human praise more than the praise of God.
John 12:42-43

Friday, March 13, 2009

Stepping Stones: Not in the Eyes of Others

Transformational Tip
Do not seek approval in the mirror or in the eyes of others. We all have human standards, personal agendas, and dysfunctions affecting our lenses and forming our criteria for acceptance or approval. God is the only one who sees the whole picture and has our best interests in mind all the time. As a believer in Christ, God sees us as covered with Jesus' blood and washed clean of all sin. The daily sins and mistakes we make, He knows about and wants us to come to Him for forgiveness and help in overcoming them. Remember that in the presence of God you have infinite approval.

Prayer
Dear Father, It is so easy to judge myself on what I see in the mirror. I am realizing now that to evaluate myself on how I look to myself and to others is a trap. Help me to be honest with myself, to dig deeper into my heart for self-examination, and to be more willing and open to Your instruction and guidance in my struggle areas. Show me those you do wish to speak through and help me measure it through your Word and then understand and accept their counsel in my life. Help me to continually seek Your approval for me which Your Word tells me is infinite because it will continue forever....thank You Lord. I desperately desire to please You and experience Your approval.
In Christ's name, Amen.

The Truth
Satisfy us in themorning with your steadfast love that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14
I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Isaiah 61:10