Stepping Stones: Self-Deception Traps Your Thinking

April 25, 2012

Self-Deception Traps Your Thinking

Transformational Thought

As a teenager, I was so ideal in many ways. Trying to hold everyone to such an incredible and unattainable standard was my MO. But for myself, I was such a poser. Espousing and pretending to have ideal functioning, but underneath, the wheels were coming off. I would call those that didn’t measure up, hypocrites. Yet me, the biggest hypocrite.

What is a hypocrite? According to Webster, a hypocrite is a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion, a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings. In other words, hypocrites pretend to be someone or something that they aren’t. The definition doesn’t distinguish between an intentional or a subconscious (unintentional) deception.

The Bible teaches that a hypocrite is one who pretends to put God first in all things without really being pious … one who talks the talk without walking the walk. Jesus confronted hypocrites vigorously in His earthly ministry. These confrontations of truth pounding against their self-deception fueled the Pharisee’s desire to kill Jesus.

A hypocrite knows what is right but makes elaborate excuses for doing wrong, and rationalizes why his behavior is allowable. He weaves a web of self-deception that eventually traps his thinking and keeps him from seeing the truth. He makes himself king and writes his own rules to declare and stamp his conduct as permissible. My kingdom come, my will be done mentality, all the while proclaiming that Jesus is the Lord of his life.

We all tend to condemn other people's wrong actions and attitudes. At the same time, we are prone to excuse the same or worse behaviors in ourselves. We put on a good front and try to hide our real attitudes and feelings. We try to convince others … and even ourselves … that we are OK. Fooling others usually isn’t too hard, at least in the beginning. We might even delude ourselves for a while, at least on the surface. But God knows our hearts. He is not impressed by our outward displays of "being religious" or following the rules. He considers what we are inside ... our motivations, desires, and fears.

Today, objectively examine whether you are putting up a good front while you privately harbor sin in your life. Maybe the sin is something you are doing … participating in pornography, an adulterous relationship, angry outbursts, sharp words, over-eating, or some other wrong behavior. Maybe it's hidden inside … fear, anxiety, insecurity, bitterness, envy, lack of forgiveness. Remember that whatever it is … God already knows. He loves you and wants to help you overcome. You can start on the path to ending the sinful behavior by admitting your guilt to yourself … and to Him. WITHIN REACH can then help you take the next steps of applying the Bible and allowing God into those deep places in your heart and life and truly transform your heart. Being true or a hypocrite, your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I know I've been living a lie. I also know that You see the real me--You see my heart. Please forgive my sin and give me the strength to overcome. Help me to be honest with You, with myself, and with others. Open my eyes to the truth, and give me the courage to take one stepping stone at a time to follow Your guidance. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts.”

Luke 16:15

"You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy … full of greed and wickedness!"

Luke 11:39

Stepping Stones: Whose Instruction Book Do You Use?

April 24, 2012

Whose Instruction Book Do You Use?

Transformational Thought

God loves us so much, so much, so instead of making you as a robot that is pre-programmed, He gives us the freedom to make our own choices. Some, like what sox to wear, are of little consequence, but others are life-changing. This freedom of choice dates back to Adam and Eve. They made one choice that went against God’s instruction book and sin has dramatically affected the lives and events of all mankind ever since.

The freedom to make choices is great for us, but, and it is a big but, this freedom brings grave responsibility. We have all made poor choices at times and have suffered the consequences. The good news is that no matter what choices we have made in the past, there is always opportunity for a better future. God knew that we would make some bad choices, but He loves us so much that He sent Jesus. And Jesus willingly, His free-will choice, paid the price for our sin to provide a way to restore our relationship with God.

Some people go through life carrying the load of some wrong choices they’ve made in the past. They believe they’ve messed up so badly that nothing good can ever come of their lives. Do you ever feel this way? Good news! If you want to be set free from the past, Jesus is the answer. He has already paid the price for your sin … for every wrong choice you’ve ever made.

Make a good decision right now by accepting His payment for your sin. This could be the first time (becoming saved) or part of the regular practice of confession, which is a powerful coping skill. God has always wanted to forgive you and help you make better choices. That is why He sent His Son, gave us the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us, and spelled it all out in His instruction book, The Holy Bible.

Many decisions are tough and it’s a great benefit to have a guidebook for our journey. Now it’s up to us … what decision will we make? To follow the greatest instruction book of all time, or to continually write and follow our own very flawed instruction book. I know where “Life According to the Book of Karl” gets me. Although it seemed cool when I was writing it, it truly was hell to live at times. Thank You God for Your amazing grace!

Today, when you make a mistake, stop and look at whose instruction book are you using, yours or God’s. Next time you are in a tough situation, choose to use God’s instruction book instead of the knee-jerk response from your own or society’s instruction book. Document how different the results will be as you develop the spiritual radar of tuning into God’s frequency. Remember, you are very special to God and He loves you no matter what you’ve done. He wants you to put the past behind so that you can become all He has designed you to be. It’s never to late to make good decisions. Learn from your mistakes … and look forward to a future filled with hope. WITHIN REACH is designed to help you practically use God’s instruction manual in all the daily decisions that are your walk. The instruction manual you use is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, thank You for forgiving my sins. I’ve made so many wrong choices. Help me now to put them behind and to look forward to the future You have planned for me … one filled with hope. Show me how to use Your instructions from Your Holy Bible. Thanks for creating me then giving me the instruction book so I can function well and glorify You. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who lived Your instruction manual, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Philippians 3:13-14

For the word of God is living and full of power, and is sharper than any two-edged sword, cutting through and making a division even of the soul and the spirit, the bones and the muscles, and quick to see the thoughts and purposes of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

Stepping Stones: You Didn’t Get a Brain Transplant?

April 23, 2012

 You Didn’t Get a Brain Transplant?

Transformational Thought

As we come to Jesus and begin to understand who we are in Him, a major task to propel us forward is to examine our past, see it through Godly lenses, put it behind us, and start marching forward. Paul makes it clear in today’s scripture that he is on a journey. He knows he is not perfect, but he determines to forget what used to motivate him … to forget his past achievements. He reaches forward … to become all Jesus wants him to be. He is moving in the right direction, toward Jesus … and he is intentional in not turning back.

That’s where we need to be too, taking one stepping stone at a time on our journey toward Jesus, to live out and accomplish His purpose for us. In the verse for today, Paul talks about forgetting, but what does he really mean? He is not talking about having amnesia about the past. Some Christians will tell you, “You are a new creation, don’t look at your past, only look forward.”

Now, listen closely as this is a very important point. It seems clear and silly when I say it, but it is a powerful point to me and hopefully to you with many ramifications that clarify journeying for the prize. Here is it comes: When we accepted Christ as our personal savior, we don’t get a brain transplant. Think about it, if we were totally transformed at that point of salvation, we would never have sinned again. How sad, that as believers, we do still sin. So there must be something we have to do to allow the perfect Holy Spirit to complete His job in perfecting an imperfect us.

You see, it is all comes down to decision-making. This is our part. Stewarding our decision-making opportunities. In order to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and through us, one thing we need to do is look at how our past adversely influences present decision-making. We need to forget the old motivations, goals, and pursuits we once had … and stop conforming to the world’s system.

Our past is what God allowed in our lives so we would draw close to Him. Another outcome is to prepare us for the good works He has planned for us. Many situations, both good and bad, from my life prior to my commitment to Christ, are used by God in ministry to others. This is what God intended. Forgetting my past would cause me to miss opportunities to learn about God’s grace, forgiveness, and love and to turn what Satan intended for bad into something God can use for His glory.

But when we look at our past, we do need to process it with a very specific focus on Jesus and God’s plans and goals. That will transform our lenses so we can take every thought captive and allow God to come in to those old areas of hurt. Then healing can occur … and truth will replace the ripples of distortion that Satan wants fogging our lenses.

Today, don’t ruminate about the past, but don’t ignore it as if you had a brain transplant. Your past is always affecting your decisions now, so examine your decisions today to understand how your past affects them. This will actually show you what is at the center of your heart. Your past will reveal why, in certain situations, other things are at the center of your heart, instead of God. WITHIN REACH and Edging Forward are our curriculum that helps you examine and understand your decision-making process, and become a Godly decision-maker. Whether you have a renewd mind(a brain transplant) is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear God, Thank You for Your healing and forgiveness. Help me to use my past hurts for my growth. Do not allow them to interfere with the growth You have for me.  Show me how to keep my eyes on Jesus as I move forward along the path You have for me. Help me to practice this skill regularly. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who has made everything right, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

Stepping Stones: Claim The Victory, It’s Already Won!

April 21-22, 2012

Claim The Victory, It’s Already Won!

Transformational Thought

Have you ever had that feeling? You know what I’m talking about. Life seems to be going well, everything is falling into place. You are on a roll, hit a streak. But then, out of the blue, all of a sudden, it comes like a thief in the night. I will feel a cold, wet blanket come over me. A memory from my past creeps into my mind … then it feels like all the goodness gets sucked right out of the moment like the most powerful vacuum you’ve seen just got in you head and replaces all the good stuff with negative. Shame, guilt, doubt, worry, or regret instantly flood my mind and seek to control my heart.

Perhaps you have made some poor choices in the past and are suffering the consequences. Maybe you have suffered a traumatic personal loss. Perhaps you have suffered abuse from a parent or spouse or another “trusted” person. It doesn’t have to be a “major” trauma either. Most hurts for any 6 y.o. are somewhat “traumatic” because we usually don’t have very good coping mechanisms or interpreters in our life to put the hurt of being picked last on the playground in proper context for us.

Many of these minor hurts, unless interpreted and processed well, which most kids never do, leave lingering messages of doubt and confusion that Satan uses to steal away times of joy and blessing.

Read today’s scripture carefully. God promises that despite all these obstacles of life, you can have overwhelming victory through Christ. Come to Him for help … and forgiveness. If you let Christ in, nothing … absolutely nothing … can separate you from His love. No reason all that stuff from the past should steal another minute of your joy and happiness. A victory doesn’t just mean to win … it means a decisive win … a win that leaves no doubt.

It is easy to look at scriptures about God’s love and think, “Yes, God loves all people.” But in our innermost being we don’t include ourselves in the “all people.” We think, “I’m different … I’m just not good enough … That’s alright for other people, but I’ve made too many mistakes. I’ve got special circumstances. It’s too late for me.” We need to examine and search for the lies that keep us feeling defeated with no chance of winning in this life on Earth.

God’s Word makes it abundantly clear that you are included. No matter what you have done. No matter what other people say or think about you. No matter what you think about yourself. God loves you. Jesus died for you. Nothing will ever separate you from His love.

Today, stop when you struggle. Tell yourself “God loves me and He proved it.” Then consider how that changes your view of the moment. Walk with Jesus and you can have overwhelming victory over every problem and obstacle in your life. The problems might still be there … the obstacles may still come. But you won’t have to face them alone or have a defeated attitude and perspective. God will empower you to overcome. Your joy and victory is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, thank You that these promises are not just for other people … but they are really for me. Thank You for your unconditional love. Thank You that no matter what happened in the past or comes my way in the future, I can walk in victory through Jesus. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who made my victory possible, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I know that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow … not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below … indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39

Stepping Stones: How Do You See Yourself?

April 20, 2012

How Do You See Yourself?

Transformational Thought

One of the more difficult parts of my job is listening as people tell their personal stories of being abused. Many women get abused by their husbands, and at times, husbands get abused by wives. The most disheartening stories are those of adults, and especially those of children, talking about the physical or sexual abuse that was perpetrated on them. We in Pennsylvania have certainly heard of the travesties and reports of serial molestations by high profile coach Jerry Sandusky.

Abuse takes many forms … but it is always debilitating. It cripples not only the direct victim, but also the abuser and the people who witness it. When kids witness abuse it is especially devastating. In the United States alone, husbands and partners batter 3 to 4 million women each year. Three million reports of child abuse are made every year just in the United States. But experts estimate that the incidence of abuse and neglect is five times greater than reported. Many children are suffering from this hidden epidemic. While these are U.S. figures, the  same problems exist around the world, and in most places at much higher rates.

Last month, a YouTube video, KONY 2012, went viral. Joseph Kony is a ruthless militant rebel leader in Uganda who has been terrorizing a nation of kids for more than 20 years. He has used rape, maiming, disfigurement, and physical, emotional, and psychological abuse to kill off parents, and enslave or brainwash children to do his diabolic dirty work.

Abuse is a sin that dishonors God and disrespects His creation of life. Psychological abuse and spiritual abuse inflict critical damage above and beyond the terrible aspects of physical and sexual danger. The most chronic damage is the distortion of the lenses we need to see life accurately, from God’s perspective. We need eyes that see the truth. But abuse contaminates and significantly interferes with proper lens development.

Abuse erodes confidence and self-esteem. We begin believing what we are told about ourselves; we think that anyone treated violently and abusively must deserve it. These beliefs are often accepted early in life and become part of the initial lenses through which we see and process all information. Even if abuse occurs when we are older, the intensity of the experience makes it a formidable opponent to seeing ourselves as God sees us, our God-image.

Abuse communicates “I am worthless” … “I am an object to be used by you whenever you want” … “dignity, respect, and honor are not for me” … “I don’t deserve anything in life” … “I’ll never accomplish anything in life.” These distortions and interpretations form part of the foundation on which we build the rest of our lives.

Today, ask, “How do I see myself?” “Is my self-image based on other people’s words and actions toward me? Or is it based on the truth of God’s Word, a God-image?” God knew you before you were even born. He created you … and His works are wonderful. Let Jesus help take your focus off yourself and begin the process of training your eyes on Him. He is able to heal your eyes, to see yourself as He sees you.

Yes, as I wrote above, hearing reports of child abuse is the most difficult part of my job. On the flip side, being able to help these kids is a great blessing God has given me. In July this year, I will be privileged to lead a team of 6 into ground zero of Kony’s devastation in Gulu, Uganda. We will be working with 300 children who now live in refugee camps who were abused by Kony’s army and tactics. We will also be counseling and training 50 mentors who currently work with these 300 children. Unfortunately, most of these mentors were also victims of Kony’s terror. To read about our upcoming trip click here. This will be a very unique journey and the first of it’s kind in this area. Please support us financially and in prayer. The war isn’t over till the children are healed!

Prayer

Dear Father God, Thank You for this reminder that You formed me and made me … and that Your works are wonderful. I must admit, though, sometimes I don’t feel as though I’m wonderful at all. In fact, sometimes I feel as though I don’t deserve anything good. Help me to fully grasp what Jesus did for me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them. But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear.

Matthew 13:15,16

Stepping Stones: You Are Never Alone!

April 19, 2012

 You Are Never Alone!

Transformational Thought

One of my favorite childhood TV shows was Gilligan’s Island. Did I ever have a crush on Maryanne! The cast had fun adventures with different strangers on the island, and constructed modern day amenities out of coconuts and palm tree leaves. But the most important item they had was really each other. By contrast, in the movie “Castaway,” Tom Hanks was stranded on an island by himself and went crazy.

Do you ever feel as if you are stranded on an island, all alone? The other day, I had a very difficult decision to make. The initial sense that came to me was “Wow, I have no help from anyone else, this is all on me, and me alone.” I felt isolation and loneliness … not really sensing anyone around to help me. I was in it by myself and had to bear the burden of getting all the info and making the decision, as well as the responsibility of bearing any consequences of making a wrong decision all by myself.

Whenever I am in the midst of one of life’s storms, I have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness … of being alone. Like I am on an island all by myself. Unable to ask questions, brainstorm with others, without anyone to encourage or comfort me. I can’t even see a ship or another island around providing the hope of some help. I can be standing in the middle of a crowded room yet feel completely alone.

We have all experienced loneliness. In fact many people struggling with depression feel as though they are alone most of the time. They often feel that no one cares or understands … as though even God is distant and unavailable, punishing us for not pursuing Him. When I was a kid, I often thought He was concerned with more important things in the world than my trivial life and frustrations.

Being a psychiatrist, I have many medical books about healing in my bookshelf, but the most accurate and powerful book is the Holy Bible. When I am feeling alone, I look in the Bible for the truth. Then I try to uncover the issues, distortions, or misinterpretations that influence me to believe the lie that God is not right there with me.

You may feel alone, but the truth, the actual reality, is that God is always with you. Here are just a few of His promises: I am with you (Genesis 28:15). I walk with you (Leviticus 26:12). I am near you (Psalm 34:18). I hold your right hand (Isaiah 41:13). I carry you even into old age (Isaiah 46:4).

You see, Satan has been pounding away at you since your first breaths to trick you into believing that: 1. God doesn’t exist; 2. If He does exist, He’s too busy for you; 3. If He isn’t too busy, then you’re not good enough yet; or 4. God is mean and punitive and has sent you to the dungeon or corner of life indefinitely.

Today, identify what lies you believe when you are under stress, like believing God is not with you. You must identify it or it will keep on influencing you. You need to practice debunking that lie, because you practiced believing the wrong way many times. Replace it with the truth so you can be encouraged by reading these scriptures and others like them. Write your favorites down and put them where you see them all the time. Speak them aloud. Substitute your own name for the word “you”. God says, I am with (your name) … I walk with (your name) … I am near (your name). God is speaking these promises to you personally. Remember … you are never alone. Jesus is with you. He is with you this moment. He will be with you tonight … and tomorrow. He will be with you through the good times and bad. He will never leave you. It’s your decision what you believe about God’s presence, so choose well. WITHIN REACH will help you uncover the lies you believe and practice replacing them with truth.

Prayer

Dear Father God, Thank You for Your many promises to be with me … always. Help me believe Your promises more than I believe my feelings. I pray, Father, for all those within the Stepping Stones community who feel they are alone. Help them dig to uncover the lies about You. Reveal Your presence in a powerful way. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who is always with me, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

The LORD is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope.

Psalm 34:18

Stepping Stones: Go on a Fox Hunt!

April 18, 2012

Go on a Fox Hunt!

Transformational Thought

The 1939 play, “The Little Foxes” by Lillian Hellman, was based on Scripture from Song of Solomon 2:15. The foundation of the play can be summed up this way: many times it’s the collection of all the small missteps that get us in trouble. Some marriages with no major problems still get into trouble because of an accumulation of little things. The Bible refers to these issues as the little foxes that ruin the vineyard.

You see, we are usually much better at crisis intervention than we are at regular maintenance. This is because we are a bit lazy, often manifested as procrastination, willing and able to ignore or table a small issue ‘til we can give it “more attention.” Work and effort are required to handle these little foxes, and we would rather invest that energy in enjoyable endeavors … fun activities. Or, if we are tackling trouble areas, we’ll invest the energy in bigger issues that have been put off too long, that demand attention now, and ignoring the little core issues that really need our attention.

Make a commitment to pay attention to the little foxes in your marriage: being thoughtless or preoccupied, making sarcastic comments, forgetting anniversaries or birthdays, criticizing, taking your spouse for granted, and not appreciating the little things they do. These little foxes might seem unimportant, but they can eventually knock a person, a marriage, and ultimately a whole family into the abyss of confusion, frustration, and despair. And it all starts with little, almost imperceptible issues.

Are you letting any foxes loose in your marriage? Are you spending time with your spouse, or has "busy-ness" taken over? Has that luster of wanting to spend every moment with him or her worn off? Remember when you couldn’t take your hands off each other? Remember when you couldn’t hang up because you would miss her voice? Do you really listen to him talk? Do you persist in that little habit that irritates your spouse? With God's help, identify these little pebbles before they become bigger divisive wedges.

For you single people, let me say all of the married people vowed never to let foxes into their vineyard. All have boasted, “That will never happen to me.” But as you see, we all fall prey to the insidious trickery of the sly foxes Satan uses to undermine what God has ordained and blessed. Safeguard your heart and mind now … before you get married. Practice these skills in all your relationships, then you will be better equipped. When the time comes you will have a better chance in your marriage. Also, these principles apply not just to marriage, but to every relationship we find ourselves in, especially that of a parent.

Today, go on a foxhunt to be sure pesky little patterns or habits aren't creeping up on you. Replace the destructive little foxes with acts of love and the willingness to put God at the center of the relationship. Address the issue head on. Plan a surprise dinner for two. Buy a sentimental gift. Join your spouse in one of his or her favorite activities … even if it's not your thing. These little acts of thoughtfulness can help a marriage move forward. Then authentic and difficult discussions can happen. Deeper relational fulfillment can be found. Your relationships are your  decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear God, Forgive me for how I have acted towards one of the greatest gifts You have given me, my spouse. Marriage is so powerful, but also tricky and complex. Help me become more aware of the "little foxes" that I bring to the marriage … and help me replace them with love as I focus on You. I wish I were a better husband, but with Your love for me, I can channel that love to my wife. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!

Song of Solomon 2:15

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

Stepping Stones: “The Ultimate Deal”

April 16, 2012

Transformational Thought

In the last Stepping Stones, we discussed our curiosity and need to make deals over material and psychological issues, and even spiritual issues. Some people spend their whole lives trying to make deals with themselves to avoid pain or to “guarantee” some reward with God or with their loved ones who have issues. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs: highs when the deal seems to pay off and lows when the expected payoff doesn’t occur. Some who are concerned about a loved one’s life-interfering problem are blessed enough to pass through the deal-making stage and reach the next phase, the stage of acceptance.

A major professional and personal hurdle in my life occurred when I came to grips with understanding that a patient’s potential suicide would not be my fault. I had influence in their life but not control. That person’s life and death was between self and God. I could do everything right, and he or she could die. On the flip side, I could do everything wrong, and God could preserve that life. I have seen many medical colleagues suffer from the “God Complex” and go crazy under that constant pressure.

Acceptance is a welcome place of relief in which we can finally turn our loved one over to God ... to His love and discipline … to His mercy and grace ... to His healing power. Releasing our struggling loved one to God does not mean that we no longer care what happens. It means that we have accepted the reality of the situation and the fact that we can't fix the problem on our own.

Relinquishing control and ownership of a situation that significantly affects us is so hard to do. At times, having less angst in a painful situation makes us feel as though we love the other person less. We really have to strike a balance in the spectrums of control, power, care and love. Too much or too little of these can definitely be unhealthy.

Unfortunately, our flesh, past baggage, and distortions often interfere with Godly thinking in these areas. We have often interpreted past successes as results of our own power, strategy or manipulation. Previous letdowns or struggles are blamed on others, “reaffirming” the mentality that if we had been in control, the situation would have worked out better. In reality, we have some influence over activities outside of our bodies, but no control.

Based on this, we need to make the ultimate deal. This is where we emotionally detach ourselves from our loved ones, even as we continue to love them and trust God's guidance in redesigning our roles in their lives. The ultimate deal we make is with God. We surrender either our need for the other person to change, or the need to be the change agent ourselves. So what do we get in return? God can conform us to the likeness of Christ, as we become dependent on Him. You see, not even Christ could change people. He left it in His Father’s hands.

Today, acknowledge that your loved ones themselves are responsible for their own behaviors … accept your powerlessness to change them. Admit that you need nothing from anybody in order to experience peace, contentment and growth. Tying your happiness to someone else’s behavior is a cop-out, an excuse - conforming to the flesh’s view and strategy of what you need. Let go and let God, and be a good steward of the “The Ultimate Deal.” WITHIN REACH can help you take the concrete steps to gain this freedom in God.

Prayer
Almighty and Loving God, help me come to this point of acceptance. I know I can't fix my loved one's problems. I know he has to take responsibility for his own choices. Help me to let go. Help me to rest in You, knowing that You love him even more than I do, and that You alone are able to help him. Help me be dependent on You, not on someone else’s actions for my joy and happiness. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who is my rock and my salvation, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
Psalm 62:5-6

Stepping Stones: “Let’s Make a Deal”

April 14-15, 2012

Transformational Thought

While on vacation last month, I saw the new version of the classic game show, “Let’s Make a Deal.” What a great show … you could be dealing for a donkey, a gigantic candy bar, or a brand new car. The suspense of not knowing what you’ll win, the challenge of trying to manipulate the game, the freedom and fear of not being in control, and the uncertainty of what the other person will do, (especially the original host, Monty Hall), are all enticing elements that draw me into this bargaining game.

It’s common for people concerned about someone with a life-interfering behavior (like addictions, food issues, or impulsive choices), emotional struggles, relational conflict, or health issue to try to strike bargains with themselves, with the person, with others, and with God. We might promise ourselves that we will be better, that we’ll say the right thing next time, that we’ll make things right. We promise to refrain from something enjoyable to show our repentance. We try to resist harmful temptations to show we are serious. All these promises are made in exchange for something we desire from others or ourselves.

We might set up deals with the loved one to reward them for refraining from their problem behavior. Or we might bargain with God and try to make a deal with Him. We promise to give to the church, to do some good deeds, to give up gossip or a sexual sin, if only He will fix our own or our loved ones' problems. I once promised God I would never have sex again if he would just let my girlfriend not be pregnant.

If you are in this deal-making stage, you need to understand that help for a friend or loved one doesn't depend on your performance. God has a specific plan for that person’s life and the transformation process is between them and God. God may want to use you in the person’s life. We all have some potential influence, but we have no power. We are in no position and have no leverage to bargain with God. When you think about it, what do we really have to offer in a deal with God?

Satan wants us to believe we live in a random system of earning God’s favor, and that God is a capricious wheeler-dealer. Trying to earn God’s favor so He will help our loved one makes us like Aladdin - with God as the genie under our control. How backward is that?

Today, accept your powerlessness to change another person. Don’t try bargaining with God as if He were on another team. Learn to actually join God’s team and let Him be your captain, and then follow His instruction. Maybe He does want to utilize your influence with the person or situation. You need to view the experience as one of growth for you. If the other person is able to see God through you and engage with God more, that is awesome. But your goal is to follow God regardless of the response of others. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Holy God, all my efforts have failed. No matter what I do, I realize now that I can't fix my loved one's problems. But I thank You that You can. Your grace is enough. Help me to let go and trust You. Saying that, let me know how you want me to engage with my loved one so I can grow more mature and stronger in my relationship with You. Help me understand how You want to use me for my growth and help me leave the changing of my loved one up to You. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who can fix all things, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Stepping Stones: Forgiveness: An Act of Service

April 9, 2012

Transformational Thought

In some ways, forgiveness is so simple and in other respects so complicated. And that’s true whether we are trying to forgive ourselves or a person who has hurt us. As you probably have realized, we often address forgiveness in our devotionals, and that’s for one important reason: IT IS SO HARD TO DO! Like most psychological activities, forgiveness is a skill; nobody is born good at it. Learn it the right way, then practice, practice, practice. , and you will get much better at it.

Forgiveness is one of the most important choices to act on after receiving eternal life through Christ’s death on the Cross. Why? Extending forgiveness to those who have wronged us acknowledges our understanding of God and His forgiveness of us. To have a relationship with God and live in Heaven with Him we need God’s forgiveness for our sins. We then need to live in that forgiveness and forgive ourselves. That’s easier said than done, if you really analyze your view of yourself and some of your motivations.

Jesus came to die for us so we can live in an intimate and incredible relationship with God … an Abundant Life … liberated from sin and Satan. God created us to do good works and to be shining lights. We can’t become all God designed us to be if we harbor resentment and bitterness towards others or ourselves. It is vital that we make the choice, yes, a decision, to forgive and, if possible, to reconcile with the person who has hurt us.

The first step towards reconciliation begins with your thoughts. One of several areas to think about is the other person’s needs rather than their faults. How can you serve that person and God by forgiving him or her? Then begin to think well of that person and speak well of him or her to someone close to you, drawing attention to strengths and needs, rather than offenses. Next take action … begin to seek reconciliation. And read some of our past devotionals on forgiveness.

You might be in a difficult situation in which the other party is not willing to reconcile. If this is the case, make sure you have forgiven in your own heart. Then keep yourself ready to pursue further reconciliation, if and when the other person is ready.

Today, ask God to open your eyes, using spiritual lenses to see the other person’s needs and issues. Wait on God’s timing for the individual to join in total reconciliation. It may not be safe to be physically reconciled with some people. Don’t try to force it … let God work it out in His way and time. You are responsible for your heart and your part, not the other person’s. Above all, remember that Jesus loves you, and He will give you the strength and courage you need … abundantly. Forgiveness is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, in all my relationships, help me dwell on things worthy of praise, not things to curse. And especially help me to do this when I think or speak about the one who has offended me. May I walk in forgiveness and be open to reconciliation in Your way and in Your time. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One died for my forgiveness so I can extend it to others; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious … the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.
Philippians 4:8

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.
Romans 3:23-24

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of a sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.
Galatians 5:16-17

Stepping Stones: Do You Keep God In A Box (or Tomb)?

April 8, 2012

Transformational Thought

Let’s continue our journey in time, back to that first glorious Easter morning more 2000 years ago. When Mary, Mary, Salome, and the rest of their crew visited the tomb that Easter morning, they were saddened, upset, worried, and edgy. They had just lost their great and charismatic leader at the end of a rollercoaster week that started on a triumphant Palm Sunday, and ended with the execution of their leader by all the powerful ruling elements in their land. Would they be rounded up to endure a mock trial, persecution, and execution? What should they do next? Remember, they didn’t have the benefit of the completed book we do. They only had a promise of something that never happened before.

So imagine their surprise when they see the stone rolled aside. They had no idea what to make of the empty tomb. Thankfully, they met two angels who explained that Jesus was not there, but risen. But they didn’t believe and just thought the body was stolen. Then they ran to tell Peter and John, who were also perplexed (didn’t they read all the Old Testament prophecy?) and needed to come to the tomb to figure it out. Finally, inside the tomb, seeing the evidence of the wrappings, they believed. Mary had to talk to Jesus outside the tomb to really get it.

I can’t understand their stupidity, ignorance, disbelief, and nearsightedness. Jesus performed so many miracles, talked of ruling His kingdom, raised Lazarus from the dead, and taught that He would rise from the dead in 3 days. Why were they so surprised instead of excited? Why were they fearful when they saw an empty tomb? Why weren’t they expecting it, rejoicing and happily guessing where they would see Him for the first time?

Stupid, thick, dim, mistrustful. Let’s get off our high horses. How often do we react the same way? Believing God is limited like us, thinking He's restricted to the same reality we are, we don't believe His promises and predictions either. We underestimate His power and knowledge. Well, I have no right to criticize Mary, Mary, the disciples and other followers, because I limit Jesus and God the same way they did.

My life has really changed since I realized He is bigger than me and that He will stand by His promises. Now I expect the awesome unexpected!

Don't think God is dormant in a tomb. He is at work in and around you ... expect it, embrace it, and enjoy it. Thank God the tomb is empty. I hope you aren't dismayaed in your everyday trials because God will show up. Remember, He didn’t rise from the dead immediately. He waited three days for a specific reason. Be patient.

Happy Easter from the Lighthouse Network staff. May His power over death give you boldness and courage as you advance against whatever trials and threats you are facing. Please go and wear His power on your sleeve so all, I mean all, will see your joy and His glorious victory over despair and death. Life and joy are your decisions, so choose well.

Prayer
Thank You, Father, for Christ’s death and resurrection, which has given us power over sin’s grip and Satan’s schemes. Give me a heart that will love You even 1/1000 of what You love me. Keep Your promises and character fresh in my mind, so that I don't put You in a box and limit my expectations and understanding of Your plan and power during times of uncertainty. I pray You grant the Stepping Stones readers eyes that see Your awesome plans for them. In Christ's powerful and magnified name; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.
Matthew 12:40

for he was teaching his disciples, saying to them, "The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men, and they will kill him. And when he is killed, after three days he will rise." But they did not understand the saying, and were afraid to ask him.
Mark 9:31

Jesus answered them, "Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up." The Jews then said, "It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and will you raise it up in three days?"
John 2:19-20

Stepping Stones: Don’t Take Away My…

April 5, 2012

Transformational Thought

Security means different things to different people. Some people feel secure if their health is good, many experience security if their finances are strong, and others if they’re surrounded by a loving family. But depending on people or things for your ongoing and complete security will eventually result in disappointment, because all the things of this world are limited and fallible.

Suppose you work for a company many years, building up a healthy retirement fund that you depend on for security in later life. Soon after your 60th birthday, the company falters and the retirement fund disappears. If your security has been in that retirement plan, you’ll be devastated and will experience fear and anxiety as you face the future.

But if you recognize that God, not the retirement fund, is the real source for all your needs, you can rest in the assurance that He has a plan … and that He will take care of you. Nothing takes God by surprise. You might not see His plan, but you can be confident that He saw what would happen and has everything under control.

The same principle applies when you lose a job, when a friend moves, when you get a scary diagnosis, when your child has a special issue … or when any part of your agenda doesn’t go as you planned. If your confidence, security, and thus, your faith is in the job … friend … health … agenda, it is inevitable that you will lose hope. Or at the very least, you’ll have a fragile hope.

But when your faith is in Jesus, you know that He never changes. Nothing can separate you from His love. And He will provide a way just as He promises. Often times, He provides in a way that is foreign to you to “prove” that He is at work in your life, that it wasn’t your effort. That is why the Bible says God works in mysterious ways. His ways aren’t really mysterious to Him. They make perfect sense to God. Since we weren’t expecting God’s solution, we think it is luck, a mystery, or a miracle. That is why we need to keep our eyes open throughout the day. Peace and other provisions from God may come in ways we are not expecting.

Today, examine what you fear losing. It’s ok to feel sadness for that loss. But if you would feel fear or anxiety, or lose sleep if it were taken away from you, then you are probably depending on that particular element too much. Ask God to show you how He will meet that need and lessen your grip on the thing you fear losing. He is your rock, so rest on and build your life on Him. He will be the solid foundation on which to build all the elements of your life. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, forgive me for the times I have depended on other people and things, and then lost hope when they let me down. Help me to use the knowledge and truth of Your word to utilize the blessings You have provided me, but not to become dependent on them. Help me to remember that You are my ultimate source of comfort and provision, and that You are unchanging and totally trustworthy. Thank You for supplying all my needs. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who died for my biggest need, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9

You are the GOD who does wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples. By Your arm You have redeemed Your people, The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. The waters saw You, O Elohim; The waters saw You, they were afraid; The depths also trembled. The clouds poured out water; The heavens rumbled; Also, Your arrows flashed back and forth. The voice of Your thunder rolled along; Lightnings lit up the world; The earth trembled and shook. Your way was in the sea, And Your path in the great waters, And Your footsteps were not known.
Psalms 77:14-19

Stepping Stones: Control ≠ Security

April 4, 2012

Transformational Thought

We all have sensitive buttons that, when pushed, result in some pretty sorry and regrettable responses. One hot button we all have is the control button. Whether we see ourselves as leaders with controlling personalities, or at the opposite end, as followers with passive personalities, we all have a need to be in control of some situations.

Most people feel more secure when they are in control. A drive down a steep mountain road doesn’t feel so dangerous when our own hands are on the steering wheel. The passengers will always be more anxious or fearful because they are vulnerable to the driver’s skills and decisions.

Having control over our circumstances is very important to most of us … it allows us to feel more secure, competent, and confident. We usually think, “the more control I have, the better chance I have of minimizing any pain or discomfort in a situation.” But we can't always be in control. In fact, we actually have a lot less influence over external circumstances than we think. When facing situations beyond our control, we may feel helpless, vulnerable, anxious, fearful, angry, or overwhelmed. Those feelings can lead to panic, depression, life-interfering or life-threatening behaviors … even suicidal thoughts.

Nowadays, when just relying on the world, a sense of safety and security may be difficult to find. The good news is there is one way we can always be secure.

God provides a way for us to experience a sense of security at all times. He leaves it up to us. We can either depend on ourselves, panicking or losing hope when we can't control a situation … or we can depend on the Lord. If we choose Jesus and His way for our lives, we can always be secure in His love. We will still experience problems and trials on this earth, but we will begin to view them from His perspective.

When you turn control over to Jesus, you can know that no matter what challenges or trials you face, He will ultimately work them out for your good. Maybe you remember your favorite teacher who gave a tough homework assignment to expand your mind and future, or a great coach who enforced drills knowing you were getting stronger and better equipped to succeed in the big game, or the acting instructor who stretched your comfort zone pushing you to a wonderful and exhilarating performance.

Today, examine whose hands control your steering wheel. During especially stressful situations, are you still trying to control every detail of your life? If your confidence is in yourself, usually self-centered motivators like emotion and fear of pain will direct your steps, and poor decisions will be the norm. Do you experience frustration, fear, or even anger when you can't control what is happening to you? Turn everything over to God. You can trust Him. He is way more equipped to handle life than you are. Then be a good steward of the instructions He gives for your part of the plan. WITHIN REACH will show you how to powerfully submit to God and learn great decision-making from His coaching. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, it seems that every time I turn a situation over to You, I hang on to some little part of it and pull it away from You again. I want to be in control, and yet I know that doesn't always work out. Please forgive me for not trusting You with every area of my life. Help me to trust You more and to leave the control of my life in Your hands. Help me to rest securely in Your love. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One You sent to teach me how to trust, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will,
Ephesians 1:11

Stepping Stones: Take a Hike!

April 2, 2012

Transformational Thought

Boring. What a terrible word. Who wants to be called boring? The goal of most of our activities is avoiding boredom or a boring person. Spice things up, inject some excitement, change our hairstyle, plan a trip, go back to school, try a new restaurant, repaint a room, get a new girlfriend, quit the job, move to southern California, or dysfunctional options like get high, eat another cookie, watch some porn, or agitate a loved one.

Even though we often try to escape the state of boredom, our natural human tendency is attracted to the elements of sameness and routine while resisting all that is different. We like to go the same places for vacation, eat or drink the “usual” when we go to a restaurant, wear a certain style of clothes all the time, drive the same route to work … we rarely enjoy having others, or God, throw curveballs into any area of life.

We tend to marry and congregate with people who are like us … the same color, culture, political party, religious belief, social level, or income bracket. We tend to mistrust, resist, and even fear, judge, criticize, look down on, or ridicule anyone who is different.

People often judge others by what is seen on the outside. We lump everyone from a particular racial or cultural group into one basket. We shun one another and, at times, even war against each other based solely on racial identity. How sad is that?

You see, because of our fallen state, several character traits lead to these ungodly reactions. To compensate for our inadequacies and insecurities, we falsely elevate ourselves by putting others down. We often fear what we don’t understand. So instead of trying to understand it, we avoid it and label it inferior to us. Because we are psychologically lazy, our willingness to understand others more fully, or to take time to get to know them, is not our natural inclination.

Aren't you glad Jesus doesn't ever see us that way? He loves us regardless of our race or culture, appearance or activities, career or income, deeds or mistakes. He searches every heart. He is interested in what's inside. He visited and hung out with all kinds of people … always looking deeper … looking beyond the surface. Why? Because He always starts with love.

Today, examine what you see first when you engage with another person. Do you see their need for a relationship with God? What makes you tentative about loving them fully? Ask Jesus to help you search other people's hearts and see them through God’s eyes ... as God's creation … designed in His image. Jesus gave His life for people of all races and cultures. He sees everyone through eyes of love and compassion. He looks beyond faults to needs. It is time for us to let go of our prejudices and see others as Jesus does. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, Help me to see others through the eyes of Jesus. Reveal to me any prejudices I may have hidden in my heart. Forgive me, and help me to let go of those prejudices and the walls they create. Help me to stop looking at the outside and to truly look deeper into their lives. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who searches all hearts, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.
1 Chronicles 28:9

Stepping Stones: Take a Hike!

March 31 – April 1, 2012

Transformational Thought

Spring is in the air, plants are budding, we’re working in the yard, enjoying bright sunny days and evenings, outside sports and activities, and even taking an occasional jog, appreciating and enjoying God’s great creation.

My wife and I really like taking walks together. Hiking is even better than walking. Hiking is a really fun, healthy, adventurous, and growing experience, especially with a guide. Several key elements of a hike include … the intention of the guide and hiker to go on the hike together … coordinated movements modeled by the guide and repeated by the hiker … strategic planning initiated by the guide and followed by the hiker … and most important, trustworthiness of the guide and willingness of the hiker to trust the guide.

Once we come to Christ in faith we begin a walk, actually, an adventurous hike with God on an incredible daily journey. The destination for this lifetime … the Mind of Christ, the Promised Land, the Abundant Life … is described to us in The Holy Bible. Yet we’ve never been there before, nor do we know exactly how to get there. The Bible gives us very concrete instruction but the actual application is initially a challenge to understand. Numerous detours and false paths make the road really hard to follow. It is vital that we learn to trust our Guide, God and the Holy Spirit, in every area of our lives … day in and day out.

We can trust Him because we are assured that when we love God and commit our lives to Him, He works everything … the good and the bad … together for good. We can trust Him because He has demonstrated His great unconditional love for us. We can commit our wayward child to Him because we know He loves that child even more than we do. We can commit our finances to Him because we know that He will work all things for good as we follow Him and trust Him for wisdom. We can trust our loved one's health to Him because of His mercy and love. We can trust God to work His plan in our ministry … and His plan is perfect.

Is there an area of your life that you are clinging to … and worrying about … instead of trusting God? God cares about everything that concerns you. You see, Satan and the self-centered part of us are trying to brainwash us into thinking we really can’t fully trust anyone … that the only one who knows best for me is …. ME! What a detour to destruction that path is.

Today, examine your daily hike. Where are you going and who is your guide? These are the 2 most important questions you need to ask. If you are your own guide, or if you are following your own map and system, or the world’s system … you are lost! Keep your eyes on Him. Love and trust Him. He will go before you … He will guide you … He will strengthen you … and He will work all things for good. Edging Forward is designed to help you follow God as your guide, edging forward one stepping stone at a time in your everyday hike to the Promised Land. Choosing the guide is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I have been worrying about this situation and trying to fix it myself. My way hasn't worked. I commit this situation and my hike to You and trust You for the answer. I want You to be my Guide and no other. Help me to resist being my own guide, because I now know my own path leads to the wrong places. No matter how things look now, I trust You to work all things together for good and get me to the right place … the Mind of Christ. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One I strive to trust completely, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Romans 8:28

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6

Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.
Matthew 7:13,14