Stepping Stones: “I’ll Only Do It This One Time”

April 26, 2012

 “I’ll Only Do It This One Time”

Transformational Thought

Paul wrote the second chapter of Romans to Jewish readers who believed they had a special relationship with God because they knew, approved, and were obedient to the Law of God. Many believed this relationship made them above the Law, and so were not careful in their lifestyles. They excused behaviors that were wrong and trusted in their supposed privileged position to shield them from the consequences of their guilt.

It is never enough just to know and approve what is right. It is never enough to be a church member or to be born into a Christian family. Nothing has any meaning without a relationship with God that is alive and based solely on faith in Christ as your personal Savior. In today's scripture, Paul is speaking to religious people who lack a living relationship with God.

Religious people are prone to rationalization. They often have a strong belief system. But when their beliefs and behaviors conflict, they may resolve the internal conflict by finding excuses for themselves. Many people are pro-life, but when it comes to an unwanted pregnancy in their own home, some are able to rationalize an abortion. Many oppose pornography, but allow themselves to indulge in secret. Nobody, I repeat, nobody is immune to rationalizing and excusing sinful behaviors and attitudes.

People rationalize sins such as cheating on their taxes, lying, having temper tantrums, gossiping, being bitter, harboring a grudge, controlling others, resisting change, continuing an addiction, or having an affair. "Everyone does it." "I deserve it." "It doesn’t really hurt anyone." "I'll only do it this one time."

Just like at the Last Supper, Jesus told Peter that he would deny Christ later on. Peter adamantly proclaimed his love and loyalty by claiming he would lay down his life for Jesus, but some hours later, Peter was able to rationalize the exact opposite of what he professed he would do, and did indeed deny Christ, not once, not twice, but three times.

Perhaps you have fallen into this rationalization trap. You know God’s Word. You say you believe it. And yet when it comes right down to your personal circumstances, you find a way to rationalize behavior that the Holy Bible condemns. Hypocrisy? You bet! But don’t just pout or deny you’re in this category, learn why you are tricked into thinking that your behavior results in benefit rather than harm.

Today, don’t rationalize or hide. Stop posing. Jesus died so you could lead a transformed life. That is the only place in which the peace and joy we all desire can be found. Faith in Christ sets us free from sin, but we must exercise and apply that faith to life’s situations. It isn't enough to know what the Bible says. God calls us into a close relationship that causes us to want to please Him. We will all stumble and fall along the way, but a close walk with the Lord should encourage us to repent and get back on the right path … to restore our relationship with Him. Knowing and speaking the Word isn't enough … we must live it. Act on what you believe, it’s your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, forgive me for reading Your Word but then going my own way. I pray that You will fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that Your Word will become a living part of me and that I will live to please You. Help me apply Your instruction clearly in my life. I pray that my relationship with You will grow stronger and my desire to please You will grow. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who lived His Father’s Word, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

For merely listening to the law doesn't make us right with God. It is obeying the law that makes us right in his sight.

Romans 2:13

Jesus said to him, "Truly, I say to you, this very night, before the cock crows, you will deny me three times." Peter said to him, "Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you." And so said all the disciples.

Matthew 26:34-35

And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, “This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.” And again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the man.” And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, “Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech betrayeth thee.” Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, “I know not the man.” And immediately the cock crew. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, “Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.” And he went out, and wept bitterly.

Matthew 26:71-75

Stepping Stones: Self-Deception Traps Your Thinking

April 25, 2012

Self-Deception Traps Your Thinking

Transformational Thought

As a teenager, I was so ideal in many ways. Trying to hold everyone to such an incredible and unattainable standard was my MO. But for myself, I was such a poser. Espousing and pretending to have ideal functioning, but underneath, the wheels were coming off. I would call those that didn’t measure up, hypocrites. Yet me, the biggest hypocrite.

What is a hypocrite? According to Webster, a hypocrite is a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion, a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings. In other words, hypocrites pretend to be someone or something that they aren’t. The definition doesn’t distinguish between an intentional or a subconscious (unintentional) deception.

The Bible teaches that a hypocrite is one who pretends to put God first in all things without really being pious … one who talks the talk without walking the walk. Jesus confronted hypocrites vigorously in His earthly ministry. These confrontations of truth pounding against their self-deception fueled the Pharisee’s desire to kill Jesus.

A hypocrite knows what is right but makes elaborate excuses for doing wrong, and rationalizes why his behavior is allowable. He weaves a web of self-deception that eventually traps his thinking and keeps him from seeing the truth. He makes himself king and writes his own rules to declare and stamp his conduct as permissible. My kingdom come, my will be done mentality, all the while proclaiming that Jesus is the Lord of his life.

We all tend to condemn other people's wrong actions and attitudes. At the same time, we are prone to excuse the same or worse behaviors in ourselves. We put on a good front and try to hide our real attitudes and feelings. We try to convince others … and even ourselves … that we are OK. Fooling others usually isn’t too hard, at least in the beginning. We might even delude ourselves for a while, at least on the surface. But God knows our hearts. He is not impressed by our outward displays of "being religious" or following the rules. He considers what we are inside ... our motivations, desires, and fears.

Today, objectively examine whether you are putting up a good front while you privately harbor sin in your life. Maybe the sin is something you are doing … participating in pornography, an adulterous relationship, angry outbursts, sharp words, over-eating, or some other wrong behavior. Maybe it's hidden inside … fear, anxiety, insecurity, bitterness, envy, lack of forgiveness. Remember that whatever it is … God already knows. He loves you and wants to help you overcome. You can start on the path to ending the sinful behavior by admitting your guilt to yourself … and to Him. WITHIN REACH can then help you take the next steps of applying the Bible and allowing God into those deep places in your heart and life and truly transform your heart. Being true or a hypocrite, your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, I know I've been living a lie. I also know that You see the real me--You see my heart. Please forgive my sin and give me the strength to overcome. Help me to be honest with You, with myself, and with others. Open my eyes to the truth, and give me the courage to take one stepping stone at a time to follow Your guidance. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts.”

Luke 16:15

"You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy … full of greed and wickedness!"

Luke 11:39

Stepping Stones: Whose Instruction Book Do You Use?

April 24, 2012

Whose Instruction Book Do You Use?

Transformational Thought

God loves us so much, so much, so instead of making you as a robot that is pre-programmed, He gives us the freedom to make our own choices. Some, like what sox to wear, are of little consequence, but others are life-changing. This freedom of choice dates back to Adam and Eve. They made one choice that went against God’s instruction book and sin has dramatically affected the lives and events of all mankind ever since.

The freedom to make choices is great for us, but, and it is a big but, this freedom brings grave responsibility. We have all made poor choices at times and have suffered the consequences. The good news is that no matter what choices we have made in the past, there is always opportunity for a better future. God knew that we would make some bad choices, but He loves us so much that He sent Jesus. And Jesus willingly, His free-will choice, paid the price for our sin to provide a way to restore our relationship with God.

Some people go through life carrying the load of some wrong choices they’ve made in the past. They believe they’ve messed up so badly that nothing good can ever come of their lives. Do you ever feel this way? Good news! If you want to be set free from the past, Jesus is the answer. He has already paid the price for your sin … for every wrong choice you’ve ever made.

Make a good decision right now by accepting His payment for your sin. This could be the first time (becoming saved) or part of the regular practice of confession, which is a powerful coping skill. God has always wanted to forgive you and help you make better choices. That is why He sent His Son, gave us the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us, and spelled it all out in His instruction book, The Holy Bible.

Many decisions are tough and it’s a great benefit to have a guidebook for our journey. Now it’s up to us … what decision will we make? To follow the greatest instruction book of all time, or to continually write and follow our own very flawed instruction book. I know where “Life According to the Book of Karl” gets me. Although it seemed cool when I was writing it, it truly was hell to live at times. Thank You God for Your amazing grace!

Today, when you make a mistake, stop and look at whose instruction book are you using, yours or God’s. Next time you are in a tough situation, choose to use God’s instruction book instead of the knee-jerk response from your own or society’s instruction book. Document how different the results will be as you develop the spiritual radar of tuning into God’s frequency. Remember, you are very special to God and He loves you no matter what you’ve done. He wants you to put the past behind so that you can become all He has designed you to be. It’s never to late to make good decisions. Learn from your mistakes … and look forward to a future filled with hope. WITHIN REACH is designed to help you practically use God’s instruction manual in all the daily decisions that are your walk. The instruction manual you use is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, thank You for forgiving my sins. I’ve made so many wrong choices. Help me now to put them behind and to look forward to the future You have planned for me … one filled with hope. Show me how to use Your instructions from Your Holy Bible. Thanks for creating me then giving me the instruction book so I can function well and glorify You. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who lived Your instruction manual, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Philippians 3:13-14

For the word of God is living and full of power, and is sharper than any two-edged sword, cutting through and making a division even of the soul and the spirit, the bones and the muscles, and quick to see the thoughts and purposes of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

Stepping Stones: You Didn’t Get a Brain Transplant?

April 23, 2012

 You Didn’t Get a Brain Transplant?

Transformational Thought

As we come to Jesus and begin to understand who we are in Him, a major task to propel us forward is to examine our past, see it through Godly lenses, put it behind us, and start marching forward. Paul makes it clear in today’s scripture that he is on a journey. He knows he is not perfect, but he determines to forget what used to motivate him … to forget his past achievements. He reaches forward … to become all Jesus wants him to be. He is moving in the right direction, toward Jesus … and he is intentional in not turning back.

That’s where we need to be too, taking one stepping stone at a time on our journey toward Jesus, to live out and accomplish His purpose for us. In the verse for today, Paul talks about forgetting, but what does he really mean? He is not talking about having amnesia about the past. Some Christians will tell you, “You are a new creation, don’t look at your past, only look forward.”

Now, listen closely as this is a very important point. It seems clear and silly when I say it, but it is a powerful point to me and hopefully to you with many ramifications that clarify journeying for the prize. Here is it comes: When we accepted Christ as our personal savior, we don’t get a brain transplant. Think about it, if we were totally transformed at that point of salvation, we would never have sinned again. How sad, that as believers, we do still sin. So there must be something we have to do to allow the perfect Holy Spirit to complete His job in perfecting an imperfect us.

You see, it is all comes down to decision-making. This is our part. Stewarding our decision-making opportunities. In order to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and through us, one thing we need to do is look at how our past adversely influences present decision-making. We need to forget the old motivations, goals, and pursuits we once had … and stop conforming to the world’s system.

Our past is what God allowed in our lives so we would draw close to Him. Another outcome is to prepare us for the good works He has planned for us. Many situations, both good and bad, from my life prior to my commitment to Christ, are used by God in ministry to others. This is what God intended. Forgetting my past would cause me to miss opportunities to learn about God’s grace, forgiveness, and love and to turn what Satan intended for bad into something God can use for His glory.

But when we look at our past, we do need to process it with a very specific focus on Jesus and God’s plans and goals. That will transform our lenses so we can take every thought captive and allow God to come in to those old areas of hurt. Then healing can occur … and truth will replace the ripples of distortion that Satan wants fogging our lenses.

Today, don’t ruminate about the past, but don’t ignore it as if you had a brain transplant. Your past is always affecting your decisions now, so examine your decisions today to understand how your past affects them. This will actually show you what is at the center of your heart. Your past will reveal why, in certain situations, other things are at the center of your heart, instead of God. WITHIN REACH and Edging Forward are our curriculum that helps you examine and understand your decision-making process, and become a Godly decision-maker. Whether you have a renewd mind(a brain transplant) is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear God, Thank You for Your healing and forgiveness. Help me to use my past hurts for my growth. Do not allow them to interfere with the growth You have for me.  Show me how to keep my eyes on Jesus as I move forward along the path You have for me. Help me to practice this skill regularly. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who has made everything right, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

Stepping Stones: Claim The Victory, It’s Already Won!

April 21-22, 2012

Claim The Victory, It’s Already Won!

Transformational Thought

Have you ever had that feeling? You know what I’m talking about. Life seems to be going well, everything is falling into place. You are on a roll, hit a streak. But then, out of the blue, all of a sudden, it comes like a thief in the night. I will feel a cold, wet blanket come over me. A memory from my past creeps into my mind … then it feels like all the goodness gets sucked right out of the moment like the most powerful vacuum you’ve seen just got in you head and replaces all the good stuff with negative. Shame, guilt, doubt, worry, or regret instantly flood my mind and seek to control my heart.

Perhaps you have made some poor choices in the past and are suffering the consequences. Maybe you have suffered a traumatic personal loss. Perhaps you have suffered abuse from a parent or spouse or another “trusted” person. It doesn’t have to be a “major” trauma either. Most hurts for any 6 y.o. are somewhat “traumatic” because we usually don’t have very good coping mechanisms or interpreters in our life to put the hurt of being picked last on the playground in proper context for us.

Many of these minor hurts, unless interpreted and processed well, which most kids never do, leave lingering messages of doubt and confusion that Satan uses to steal away times of joy and blessing.

Read today’s scripture carefully. God promises that despite all these obstacles of life, you can have overwhelming victory through Christ. Come to Him for help … and forgiveness. If you let Christ in, nothing … absolutely nothing … can separate you from His love. No reason all that stuff from the past should steal another minute of your joy and happiness. A victory doesn’t just mean to win … it means a decisive win … a win that leaves no doubt.

It is easy to look at scriptures about God’s love and think, “Yes, God loves all people.” But in our innermost being we don’t include ourselves in the “all people.” We think, “I’m different … I’m just not good enough … That’s alright for other people, but I’ve made too many mistakes. I’ve got special circumstances. It’s too late for me.” We need to examine and search for the lies that keep us feeling defeated with no chance of winning in this life on Earth.

God’s Word makes it abundantly clear that you are included. No matter what you have done. No matter what other people say or think about you. No matter what you think about yourself. God loves you. Jesus died for you. Nothing will ever separate you from His love.

Today, stop when you struggle. Tell yourself “God loves me and He proved it.” Then consider how that changes your view of the moment. Walk with Jesus and you can have overwhelming victory over every problem and obstacle in your life. The problems might still be there … the obstacles may still come. But you won’t have to face them alone or have a defeated attitude and perspective. God will empower you to overcome. Your joy and victory is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Father God, thank You that these promises are not just for other people … but they are really for me. Thank You for your unconditional love. Thank You that no matter what happened in the past or comes my way in the future, I can walk in victory through Jesus. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who made my victory possible, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I know that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow … not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below … indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39

Stepping Stones: How Do You See Yourself?

April 20, 2012

How Do You See Yourself?

Transformational Thought

One of the more difficult parts of my job is listening as people tell their personal stories of being abused. Many women get abused by their husbands, and at times, husbands get abused by wives. The most disheartening stories are those of adults, and especially those of children, talking about the physical or sexual abuse that was perpetrated on them. We in Pennsylvania have certainly heard of the travesties and reports of serial molestations by high profile coach Jerry Sandusky.

Abuse takes many forms … but it is always debilitating. It cripples not only the direct victim, but also the abuser and the people who witness it. When kids witness abuse it is especially devastating. In the United States alone, husbands and partners batter 3 to 4 million women each year. Three million reports of child abuse are made every year just in the United States. But experts estimate that the incidence of abuse and neglect is five times greater than reported. Many children are suffering from this hidden epidemic. While these are U.S. figures, the  same problems exist around the world, and in most places at much higher rates.

Last month, a YouTube video, KONY 2012, went viral. Joseph Kony is a ruthless militant rebel leader in Uganda who has been terrorizing a nation of kids for more than 20 years. He has used rape, maiming, disfigurement, and physical, emotional, and psychological abuse to kill off parents, and enslave or brainwash children to do his diabolic dirty work.

Abuse is a sin that dishonors God and disrespects His creation of life. Psychological abuse and spiritual abuse inflict critical damage above and beyond the terrible aspects of physical and sexual danger. The most chronic damage is the distortion of the lenses we need to see life accurately, from God’s perspective. We need eyes that see the truth. But abuse contaminates and significantly interferes with proper lens development.

Abuse erodes confidence and self-esteem. We begin believing what we are told about ourselves; we think that anyone treated violently and abusively must deserve it. These beliefs are often accepted early in life and become part of the initial lenses through which we see and process all information. Even if abuse occurs when we are older, the intensity of the experience makes it a formidable opponent to seeing ourselves as God sees us, our God-image.

Abuse communicates “I am worthless” … “I am an object to be used by you whenever you want” … “dignity, respect, and honor are not for me” … “I don’t deserve anything in life” … “I’ll never accomplish anything in life.” These distortions and interpretations form part of the foundation on which we build the rest of our lives.

Today, ask, “How do I see myself?” “Is my self-image based on other people’s words and actions toward me? Or is it based on the truth of God’s Word, a God-image?” God knew you before you were even born. He created you … and His works are wonderful. Let Jesus help take your focus off yourself and begin the process of training your eyes on Him. He is able to heal your eyes, to see yourself as He sees you.

Yes, as I wrote above, hearing reports of child abuse is the most difficult part of my job. On the flip side, being able to help these kids is a great blessing God has given me. In July this year, I will be privileged to lead a team of 6 into ground zero of Kony’s devastation in Gulu, Uganda. We will be working with 300 children who now live in refugee camps who were abused by Kony’s army and tactics. We will also be counseling and training 50 mentors who currently work with these 300 children. Unfortunately, most of these mentors were also victims of Kony’s terror. To read about our upcoming trip click here. This will be a very unique journey and the first of it’s kind in this area. Please support us financially and in prayer. The war isn’t over till the children are healed!

Prayer

Dear Father God, Thank You for this reminder that You formed me and made me … and that Your works are wonderful. I must admit, though, sometimes I don’t feel as though I’m wonderful at all. In fact, sometimes I feel as though I don’t deserve anything good. Help me to fully grasp what Jesus did for me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them. But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear.

Matthew 13:15,16

Stepping Stones: You Are Never Alone!

April 19, 2012

 You Are Never Alone!

Transformational Thought

One of my favorite childhood TV shows was Gilligan’s Island. Did I ever have a crush on Maryanne! The cast had fun adventures with different strangers on the island, and constructed modern day amenities out of coconuts and palm tree leaves. But the most important item they had was really each other. By contrast, in the movie “Castaway,” Tom Hanks was stranded on an island by himself and went crazy.

Do you ever feel as if you are stranded on an island, all alone? The other day, I had a very difficult decision to make. The initial sense that came to me was “Wow, I have no help from anyone else, this is all on me, and me alone.” I felt isolation and loneliness … not really sensing anyone around to help me. I was in it by myself and had to bear the burden of getting all the info and making the decision, as well as the responsibility of bearing any consequences of making a wrong decision all by myself.

Whenever I am in the midst of one of life’s storms, I have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness … of being alone. Like I am on an island all by myself. Unable to ask questions, brainstorm with others, without anyone to encourage or comfort me. I can’t even see a ship or another island around providing the hope of some help. I can be standing in the middle of a crowded room yet feel completely alone.

We have all experienced loneliness. In fact many people struggling with depression feel as though they are alone most of the time. They often feel that no one cares or understands … as though even God is distant and unavailable, punishing us for not pursuing Him. When I was a kid, I often thought He was concerned with more important things in the world than my trivial life and frustrations.

Being a psychiatrist, I have many medical books about healing in my bookshelf, but the most accurate and powerful book is the Holy Bible. When I am feeling alone, I look in the Bible for the truth. Then I try to uncover the issues, distortions, or misinterpretations that influence me to believe the lie that God is not right there with me.

You may feel alone, but the truth, the actual reality, is that God is always with you. Here are just a few of His promises: I am with you (Genesis 28:15). I walk with you (Leviticus 26:12). I am near you (Psalm 34:18). I hold your right hand (Isaiah 41:13). I carry you even into old age (Isaiah 46:4).

You see, Satan has been pounding away at you since your first breaths to trick you into believing that: 1. God doesn’t exist; 2. If He does exist, He’s too busy for you; 3. If He isn’t too busy, then you’re not good enough yet; or 4. God is mean and punitive and has sent you to the dungeon or corner of life indefinitely.

Today, identify what lies you believe when you are under stress, like believing God is not with you. You must identify it or it will keep on influencing you. You need to practice debunking that lie, because you practiced believing the wrong way many times. Replace it with the truth so you can be encouraged by reading these scriptures and others like them. Write your favorites down and put them where you see them all the time. Speak them aloud. Substitute your own name for the word “you”. God says, I am with (your name) … I walk with (your name) … I am near (your name). God is speaking these promises to you personally. Remember … you are never alone. Jesus is with you. He is with you this moment. He will be with you tonight … and tomorrow. He will be with you through the good times and bad. He will never leave you. It’s your decision what you believe about God’s presence, so choose well. WITHIN REACH will help you uncover the lies you believe and practice replacing them with truth.

Prayer

Dear Father God, Thank You for Your many promises to be with me … always. Help me believe Your promises more than I believe my feelings. I pray, Father, for all those within the Stepping Stones community who feel they are alone. Help them dig to uncover the lies about You. Reveal Your presence in a powerful way. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who is always with me, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

The LORD is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope.

Psalm 34:18

Stepping Stones: Go on a Fox Hunt!

April 18, 2012

Go on a Fox Hunt!

Transformational Thought

The 1939 play, “The Little Foxes” by Lillian Hellman, was based on Scripture from Song of Solomon 2:15. The foundation of the play can be summed up this way: many times it’s the collection of all the small missteps that get us in trouble. Some marriages with no major problems still get into trouble because of an accumulation of little things. The Bible refers to these issues as the little foxes that ruin the vineyard.

You see, we are usually much better at crisis intervention than we are at regular maintenance. This is because we are a bit lazy, often manifested as procrastination, willing and able to ignore or table a small issue ‘til we can give it “more attention.” Work and effort are required to handle these little foxes, and we would rather invest that energy in enjoyable endeavors … fun activities. Or, if we are tackling trouble areas, we’ll invest the energy in bigger issues that have been put off too long, that demand attention now, and ignoring the little core issues that really need our attention.

Make a commitment to pay attention to the little foxes in your marriage: being thoughtless or preoccupied, making sarcastic comments, forgetting anniversaries or birthdays, criticizing, taking your spouse for granted, and not appreciating the little things they do. These little foxes might seem unimportant, but they can eventually knock a person, a marriage, and ultimately a whole family into the abyss of confusion, frustration, and despair. And it all starts with little, almost imperceptible issues.

Are you letting any foxes loose in your marriage? Are you spending time with your spouse, or has "busy-ness" taken over? Has that luster of wanting to spend every moment with him or her worn off? Remember when you couldn’t take your hands off each other? Remember when you couldn’t hang up because you would miss her voice? Do you really listen to him talk? Do you persist in that little habit that irritates your spouse? With God's help, identify these little pebbles before they become bigger divisive wedges.

For you single people, let me say all of the married people vowed never to let foxes into their vineyard. All have boasted, “That will never happen to me.” But as you see, we all fall prey to the insidious trickery of the sly foxes Satan uses to undermine what God has ordained and blessed. Safeguard your heart and mind now … before you get married. Practice these skills in all your relationships, then you will be better equipped. When the time comes you will have a better chance in your marriage. Also, these principles apply not just to marriage, but to every relationship we find ourselves in, especially that of a parent.

Today, go on a foxhunt to be sure pesky little patterns or habits aren't creeping up on you. Replace the destructive little foxes with acts of love and the willingness to put God at the center of the relationship. Address the issue head on. Plan a surprise dinner for two. Buy a sentimental gift. Join your spouse in one of his or her favorite activities … even if it's not your thing. These little acts of thoughtfulness can help a marriage move forward. Then authentic and difficult discussions can happen. Deeper relational fulfillment can be found. Your relationships are your  decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear God, Forgive me for how I have acted towards one of the greatest gifts You have given me, my spouse. Marriage is so powerful, but also tricky and complex. Help me become more aware of the "little foxes" that I bring to the marriage … and help me replace them with love as I focus on You. I wish I were a better husband, but with Your love for me, I can channel that love to my wife. I pray this and all prayers in the name of Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!

Song of Solomon 2:15

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

Stepping Stones: Comfort Zone: Letting Go of Old Identities

April 17, 2012

Comfort Zone: Letting Go of Old Identities

Transformational Thought

Sometimes I like to ask people, “Who are you?” It’s interesting to hear the responses. Some give their name … others give their occupation. Another answer is a role the person fills in his family or organization. Not many share their real identities, what makes them, them … uniquely them, the one deep inside with a wonderful and distinctive blend of characteristics. 

In my practice, I treated a very interesting lady, whose experiences that could fill several lifetimes. As we worked together, she was able to free herself from a lesbian lifestyle and enter into a beautiful and enjoyable journey with God. She tells her story this way. "If you had asked me if I was born gay, I would have given you a resounding “yes.” Now, I realize I was not born gay, and I am not defined by the fact that I lived as a homosexual. When I came to God, He redefined me as a woman wonderfully made to honor Him by being a follower of Christ."

Often we define ourselves by a lifestyle, a role we play, or some of our personal characteristics. Whether these definitions are joyful or painful, good or bad, represent success or failure … they are comfort zones. And even when we come to Jesus, we might be reluctant to let go of some or even most of them because in our minds those are our comfort zones.

People who are in or coming from a homosexual lifestyle might consider the gay world a safe place. People caught in a workaholic mode base their worth on their accomplishments and successes. Being a mother, a church leader, an indispensable worker, a good friend … allows us to feel more control as we develop our earthly identities. But when we come to Jesus, it is vital to let go of those identities and come to recognize who we are in Christ.

You see, we have only 2 identity options. Option #1, your identity is based on who you are under your own power and based on your own personality. Or option #2, your identity comes from who Christ is and what He has done for you. Then the rest of your life is filled with responses to the option you chose. The former is weak, has lots of limitations, and is heavily weighted by inadequacies, failures, and fears. The latter has unlimited power, potential, opportunity, and joy. When you look at it that way, the decision, and yes, it is a decision, is a pretty easy choice to make, I would say.

Today, even though you may still be struggling with old habits, be encouraged that you can let go of the old definitions. This doesn’t happen overnight, but it can occur, one step at a time. Know that your most important identity is in Christ. There’s no better time to start making better decisions than today. Take a paper and make 3 columns: one titled “old Identity,” the next “new identity,” and third, “what would I believe differently about myself if I believed I were this new person?” Write in 5 elements of the old identity and fill in the next 2 columns for each. You are a new creation! God has a great plan for your life and He is worthy of your trust. With the empowering of His Holy Spirit, you can fulfill this new identity God has prepared for you! Remember, your life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Dear Mighty Creator of Everything, I thank You for transforming me into a new creation when I became a follower of Christ. I still tend to see myself as "the old me." Please help me to see myself through Your eyes - cleansed and made new. The more I believe it, the more I will practice it, and the more I practice, the more I believe. I know the more I practice, the more proof You will give me so I can really believe, deep in my heart that You have made me into a new creation. And help me remember that no matter what other roles I play in life, my number one identity is always "a follower of Christ." I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One I follow, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Stepping Stones: “The Ultimate Deal”

April 16, 2012

Transformational Thought

In the last Stepping Stones, we discussed our curiosity and need to make deals over material and psychological issues, and even spiritual issues. Some people spend their whole lives trying to make deals with themselves to avoid pain or to “guarantee” some reward with God or with their loved ones who have issues. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs: highs when the deal seems to pay off and lows when the expected payoff doesn’t occur. Some who are concerned about a loved one’s life-interfering problem are blessed enough to pass through the deal-making stage and reach the next phase, the stage of acceptance.

A major professional and personal hurdle in my life occurred when I came to grips with understanding that a patient’s potential suicide would not be my fault. I had influence in their life but not control. That person’s life and death was between self and God. I could do everything right, and he or she could die. On the flip side, I could do everything wrong, and God could preserve that life. I have seen many medical colleagues suffer from the “God Complex” and go crazy under that constant pressure.

Acceptance is a welcome place of relief in which we can finally turn our loved one over to God ... to His love and discipline … to His mercy and grace ... to His healing power. Releasing our struggling loved one to God does not mean that we no longer care what happens. It means that we have accepted the reality of the situation and the fact that we can't fix the problem on our own.

Relinquishing control and ownership of a situation that significantly affects us is so hard to do. At times, having less angst in a painful situation makes us feel as though we love the other person less. We really have to strike a balance in the spectrums of control, power, care and love. Too much or too little of these can definitely be unhealthy.

Unfortunately, our flesh, past baggage, and distortions often interfere with Godly thinking in these areas. We have often interpreted past successes as results of our own power, strategy or manipulation. Previous letdowns or struggles are blamed on others, “reaffirming” the mentality that if we had been in control, the situation would have worked out better. In reality, we have some influence over activities outside of our bodies, but no control.

Based on this, we need to make the ultimate deal. This is where we emotionally detach ourselves from our loved ones, even as we continue to love them and trust God's guidance in redesigning our roles in their lives. The ultimate deal we make is with God. We surrender either our need for the other person to change, or the need to be the change agent ourselves. So what do we get in return? God can conform us to the likeness of Christ, as we become dependent on Him. You see, not even Christ could change people. He left it in His Father’s hands.

Today, acknowledge that your loved ones themselves are responsible for their own behaviors … accept your powerlessness to change them. Admit that you need nothing from anybody in order to experience peace, contentment and growth. Tying your happiness to someone else’s behavior is a cop-out, an excuse - conforming to the flesh’s view and strategy of what you need. Let go and let God, and be a good steward of the “The Ultimate Deal.” WITHIN REACH can help you take the concrete steps to gain this freedom in God.

Prayer
Almighty and Loving God, help me come to this point of acceptance. I know I can't fix my loved one's problems. I know he has to take responsibility for his own choices. Help me to let go. Help me to rest in You, knowing that You love him even more than I do, and that You alone are able to help him. Help me be dependent on You, not on someone else’s actions for my joy and happiness. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who is my rock and my salvation, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
Psalm 62:5-6

Stepping Stones: “Let’s Make a Deal”

April 14-15, 2012

Transformational Thought

While on vacation last month, I saw the new version of the classic game show, “Let’s Make a Deal.” What a great show … you could be dealing for a donkey, a gigantic candy bar, or a brand new car. The suspense of not knowing what you’ll win, the challenge of trying to manipulate the game, the freedom and fear of not being in control, and the uncertainty of what the other person will do, (especially the original host, Monty Hall), are all enticing elements that draw me into this bargaining game.

It’s common for people concerned about someone with a life-interfering behavior (like addictions, food issues, or impulsive choices), emotional struggles, relational conflict, or health issue to try to strike bargains with themselves, with the person, with others, and with God. We might promise ourselves that we will be better, that we’ll say the right thing next time, that we’ll make things right. We promise to refrain from something enjoyable to show our repentance. We try to resist harmful temptations to show we are serious. All these promises are made in exchange for something we desire from others or ourselves.

We might set up deals with the loved one to reward them for refraining from their problem behavior. Or we might bargain with God and try to make a deal with Him. We promise to give to the church, to do some good deeds, to give up gossip or a sexual sin, if only He will fix our own or our loved ones' problems. I once promised God I would never have sex again if he would just let my girlfriend not be pregnant.

If you are in this deal-making stage, you need to understand that help for a friend or loved one doesn't depend on your performance. God has a specific plan for that person’s life and the transformation process is between them and God. God may want to use you in the person’s life. We all have some potential influence, but we have no power. We are in no position and have no leverage to bargain with God. When you think about it, what do we really have to offer in a deal with God?

Satan wants us to believe we live in a random system of earning God’s favor, and that God is a capricious wheeler-dealer. Trying to earn God’s favor so He will help our loved one makes us like Aladdin - with God as the genie under our control. How backward is that?

Today, accept your powerlessness to change another person. Don’t try bargaining with God as if He were on another team. Learn to actually join God’s team and let Him be your captain, and then follow His instruction. Maybe He does want to utilize your influence with the person or situation. You need to view the experience as one of growth for you. If the other person is able to see God through you and engage with God more, that is awesome. But your goal is to follow God regardless of the response of others. Life is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Holy God, all my efforts have failed. No matter what I do, I realize now that I can't fix my loved one's problems. But I thank You that You can. Your grace is enough. Help me to let go and trust You. Saying that, let me know how you want me to engage with my loved one so I can grow more mature and stronger in my relationship with You. Help me understand how You want to use me for my growth and help me leave the changing of my loved one up to You. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who can fix all things, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Stepping Stones: Don’t Listen to the Accuser’s Tapes

April 13, 2012

Transformational Thought

During the most difficult time in my life, I was constantly scurrying and trying to dig myself out of trouble. I would find answers, but they were just short-term fixes - knee-jerk responses that brought temporary relief but more probIems. I would just wonder to myself, “what is going on,” “will I ever get a break,” “when will it stop,” or “why can’t I get it right?”

Do you, or somebody you know sometimes feel as though you are fighting your way through life and losing the hard-fought battle? Does it seem you are always falling farther and farther behind? Maybe you feel you’re such a failure that no one would or could help you.

Most of us have experienced these feelings, whether for fleeting moments when distressed, extended periods of time, or even whole seasons of life. If you suffer from chronic depression like so many people, you might feel alone and hopeless most of the time. When well-meaning people try to cheer you up by pointing out your good qualities or the positive aspects of your life, you may hear what they are saying as either false praise or else as words of one who doesn't know you and your deeper issues very well.

Well, there is someone who knows you better than you know yourself ... someone who wants to give you hope and help you win the battle. His name is Jesus. He promises you peace (John 14:27). He intercedes to God the Father for you (John 17:9). He promises to work all things for your good (Romans 8:28). He rides on the Heavens to help you (Deuteronomy 33:26).

You may say, "Those promises sound good for someone else, but they couldn't be for me. I don't deserve them. You don't know me." This may be true … but Jesus DOES know you. And He loves you. If no one else had existed, He would have died on the cross just for you. He loves you that much. None of us deserves that kind of love, but the beautiful part is we don’t have to deserve it, because Jesus gives it freely and unconditionally.

Today, actually use this truth in how you view yourself and your circumstances. Write down who you think you are and why you believe that. Are those beliefs based on facts? Are they earthly facts or heavenly facts? Are they the facts of the prosecution? Now list the facts that Jesus presents on your behalf. Above all else … let Him love you. Open your heart to the hope and healing that comes only from Him. It is your decision whether you will see the person Satan has brainwashed you to see, or the person that God sees - sanctified through the work of Jesus and His love. Listening to those tapes is your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, thank You for loving me unconditionally. Thank You for sending Your only Son to die for me. Thank You, Jesus, for dying for me. When I'm feeling down, help me to remember Your love for me, to experience Your love, and to share Your love with others. I pray to You, Father, for all those in the world today suffering from depression. May they see themselves through Your eyes, and seek Your peace in the right places. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who knows me better than I know myself, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:19

Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. The LORD said to Satan, “The LORD rebuke you, Satan! Indeed, the LORD who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is this not a brand plucked from the fire?” Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments and standing before the angel. He spoke and said to those who were standing before him, saying, “Remove the filthy garments from him.” Again he said to him, “See, I have taken your iniquity away from you and will clothe you with festal robes.” Then I said, “Let them put a clean turban on his head.”
Zechariah 3:1-5

Stepping Stones: Who’s the Tattooed Person God Put in Your Life?

April 12, 2012

Transformational Thought

A friend of mine went to a concert to hear one of his favorite recording artists of all time, Kenny Loggins. His description of the music and the show were great. But more interesting to me was a story my friend shared about an interesting encounter that night.

Before the doors opened, he noticed a much younger man who really stuck out because he was covered with tattoos. He actually had large fangs tattooed on his lower lip and chin with blood dripping down. My friend first thought …”this guy scares me,” and he wondered why a guy like that would be at a Kenny Loggins concert.

A few minutes later they were standing right next to each other, and when their eyes met, he offered the most genuine smile … and today’s scripture came into his mind. He began asking him about his tattoos … and then they talked about Kenny Loggins. They both really loved Kenny’s music. The tattoo man was kind, polite and very reserved. When asked which tattoo was his favorite, he pointed to a little Christmas tree on the top of his hand. Even with his fangs tattoo, he was no longer scary. Now I certainly don’t know his story … but I do know one thing … like you and me, he needs God’s attention and love.

The Scriptures offer a multitude of “one another” commands concerning relationships with others … encourage one another, be devoted to one another, honor one another, live in harmony with one another, accept one another, instruct one another, serve one another, forgive one another … and on and on. “Love one another” is at the core of all of them.

In today’s scripture, Jesus tells us to love one another as He has loved us. Of course, Jesus’ love is greater than we can ever imagine having or displaying to anyone … but He is telling us to follow His example. Jesus loves us unconditionally and He wants us to love others unconditionally … not based on personality or looks or behavior or even feelings. Unconditionally. Now that doesn’t mean we give them everything they want. Our actions should be based on their needs for growth, not our needs for comfort.

Jesus loved with His actions, humbling Himself, coming to earth as a baby, and growing and living among us ... suffering the indignities and torture of the cross, demonstrating the depth of His love in ways words could not begin to explain. Jesus wants us to love unconditionally too, demonstrating love through actions … even when we don’t “feel” like it.

Today, ask God to help you see the tattooed person in your life through His eyes. Ask Him to help you love this person even if he or she doesn’t “deserve” it. And then step out in faith and love through your actions. As we in the family of God demonstrate our love for each other, even as Jesus demonstrated His love for us, others will “know we are His disciples.” Our love for one another can help draw them to see and accept the perfect love of Jesus. Love in your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, help me to love others in the way You love me. Help me to love unconditionally. Help me to demonstrate my love with action … even when I don’t feel like it sometimes. Allow me to be more humble to the Holy Spirit and to apply Your instruction to my relationships more intentionally. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. Thank You for demonstrating your love in such marvelous ways. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who loved through his actions, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:34-35

Stepping Stones: “One Another-ing”

April 11, 2012

Transformational Thought

When I argue (because, obviously, I’m too mature to fight) with my wife or daughters, I hurt, because they’re my family and I care so deeply for them. We are related in a much stronger way with our brothers and sisters who are fellow believers in Christ. I’ve experienced this incredibly strong tie during mission trips, becoming connected to and caring for someone I recently met, might never see again, and have seemingly little in common with, except for the fact that we are bonded through Christ.

All through the Bible, we find “one another” Scriptures that instruct us in the kinds of caring actions and attitudes that ought to characterize our relationships as brothers and sisters in Christ. God clearly defines what kind of relationships we should have … and yet we often fail to develop the type of relationship that He desires for us. And when we fail, we not only add unnecessary stress to our lives and the lives of those around us … but we also fail to illustrate the love of Jesus to unbelievers who may be observing us.

Our natural instincts are to be independent, not trusting or collaborating with others. Our goal is “what’s in it for me?” as opposed to, “what is the greatest good of the team?” Satan is always trying to accentuate the hurts of relationships to encourage a “me-first” attitude. We struggle to overcome that outlook, and we need to so that we can bond and serve with others. Remember that we are on the same team and Satan is the enemy. As Satan tries to pit us against each other, we forget he is even in the game, let alone that he is the enemy.

God has blessed each of us with gifts and talents and placed us within a body of believers who have also received a variety of gifts. As we live with each other in harmony and love, focused on God’s plan, we can impact the world so much more if we pool our unique talents rather than each trying to do our own thing. Along the way, we will also develop relationships that we can count on—relationships built on a foundation of God’s love.

Do you see yourself as part of God’s team? Are you and other Christians in your church … and in other churches and ministries in your community … working together in harmony? Are you stuck focusing on differences … or on God’s bigger plan?

Today, ask God to show you what you can do to improve your relationship with a specific brother or sister in Christ. Perhaps it’s someone you have criticized … or someone you feel as though you are competing against. Maybe you have bickered about theology or passed judgment on another’s behavior. Ask God to help you relate to this person in love and harmony and build His kind of “one another” relationship. Relationships are your decision, so choose well.

Prayer
Dear Father God, I know there are times when I let personal feelings and differences interfere in my relationship with other believers. Show me the barriers of insecurity and pride that interfere as I engage with others. Please forgive me and help me have the “one another” relationships described in your Word. Even though I might be in some minor conflict with another, help me know that Satan is the enemy, and he is just trying to use others to derail me. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the One who completes my joy, Jesus Christ; and all God’s children say - AMEN!

The Truth
Fill up and complete my joy by living in harmony and being of the same mind and one in purpose, having the same love, being in full accord and of one harmonious mind and intention.
Philippians 2:2